I'm no use professionally now I'm a mum

[Welda18]

Totally prepared to be told IABU but I just feel women in general are so disadvantaged professionally once they become mums. It's still such an old fashioned world out there. Employers forget you exist once you're a mum and working part-time, you lose the momentum, the connections and the skills. Having my babies was the best thing I've ever done but OMG it has ruined me in other ways.

Motherhood has done something physically and mentally to me as well; my brain has turned to mush. I struggle to think for myself. I forget things I said seconds previously. I've lost motivation for the things that I thought I wanted. I don't know what I want professionally anymore now that I've got the all-consuming full-time commitment of being a mum.

A career of some description would be great but the tug of motherhood and being present and emotionally "in the room" for the kids throws shadows of doubt over thoughts about developing myself professionally.

I've got two boys - one has just turned 6 & the little one is 19 months. I work part-time, 3 days a week, but honestly, I just feel so useless these days. I feel like I wouldn't know where to start trying to enter the professional world again. For pretty much the entirety of my 30's I have been feeding, and nappy-changing, doing endless rounds of housework, cooking dinners, entertaining kids; like most mums do. And now, when I think about my working future I get a mild sense of panic.

I have nothing to offer any employer that they would want! I can look after kids and feed babies but my workplace confidence has gone. The thought of sitting an interview scares me because I know I'd be up against candidates who have the connections, the up-to-speed skills and rhetoric to put me to shame!

I'm 38 next month and I feel like an old dame. My body and mind are gone - or at least, changed so completely that I'm not the person I was. Motherhood has utterly consumed me. Do any other women feel like this? Or did you manage to bounce back professionally?

[Loveinatimeofcovid]

@Ori38 flexi working policies act like a filter (at least in firms/companies with a pyramid structure). Those who take them up (often new mothers but not always) are identified as being not that into their job at the point in time (which they are, aren’t they? If their career was their priority they’d ask their partner to do the bulk of the childcare or hire a nanny) and they’re passed over for promotions until they get back into it, obviously with exceptions for very talented individuals who are sometimes enticed back into full time work with the promise of a promotion. That’s just how it works, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out when you have a graduate intake in the hundreds but only a dozen or so equity partners for example.

[anticon]

Hm I'm in two minds. On the one hand I agree that part time should not be an obstacle. On the other, I can see how it would be problematic for opportunities. Also some employers actively exploit part-timers "I can get them to do the same amount of work as full time for half the money" - I have heard this uttered by employers and I'm "only" in my late 30s. So not outdated enough as a valid approach among employers, unfortunately. That's why I'm sticking to my full time contract and my DH is a 50:50 parent because his job does not trump mine. Ever.

OP, how much does your partner really CONTRIBUTE to family life? how much does your employer really USE you? How much do you really LIKE your job at the moment? I think if you can answer all three honestly in your head, you'll know what you really need to see changing in order to improve your current situation.