Presents for grandchildren

[Namedecisions]

Looking to find out if I’m being unreasonable/grabby, or if not what others do to just ignore this kind of thing and don’t let it bother them.
So I have 2 children as does my only sibling - kids all very similar ages. For my DDs birthday a couple of years ago my DM kindly bought an expensive present (piece of kit that will last a long time), as it was expensive (£150ish) she said it was a present for that birthday and the next one, no problem at all with that everyone very happy. The next birthday she did get DD a book as a ‘token’ present so she didn’t in fact receive nothing.
Earlier this year DM bought my DN the same present and said it would be a joint birthday for her and younger DN for their birthdays this year - lovely I think they’ll really enjoy it like my DD. It’s just been older DN’s actual birthday and I’ve found out that DM also bought her another expensive present as well (circa £100 - when usually for kids and adults bday spend is circa £50 - always gratefully received though). I don’t think my DM wanted me to know about the other present.

I kind of thought grandparents should try to spend fairly across grandchildren? I know that fair does not mean exactly equal and that’s not what I’m looking for but disparity between big and little gifts seems off. I don’t know why my petulant side finds this so irritating. Obviously I’ve not voiced this to anyone else, and the kids are all none the wiser.
I think if this was a one off then I would feel different but it’s the latest in a series of examples of my sibling/family being treated better than me, e.g. siblings partner always receives more than my partner does - embarrassingly so at times like Christmas when we are together and can see it. For what it’s worth my sibling is much better off than I am, they have a lot more disposable income than we do.

So AIBU to get annoyed at vastly different levels of spending on grandchildren or is it none of my business?

The only I can think is that they also spend more on your mothers gifts? So it balances out between them. We tend to sync gift giving and receiving so you're spending about the same as the person would spend on you.

I have learned to shrug my shoulders and move on when my children's grandparents do this sort of thing.

For a long time I felt like we were on the other end of your dilemma, with a set of grandparents buying far more gifts and more expensive gifts for our children than for my siblings children. I felt awful about "being favoured" for a very long time. As it turns out, my sibling has been saving quite large amounts for her children but then finding themselves short at the end of the month and asking our parents for a bail out! So the expensive gifts from grandparents were an attempt to equal out the bail-outs that were resulting in large savings pots for my nieces and nephews.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there may be a bigger picture involved that may or may not ever reveal itself. You only really have three options; ask your parents about it, continue to resent it but not ask, or rise above it and assume your parents know what they're doing. I worked towards the latter and eventually made it!

Whatever happens, try not to let it cloud your relationships with your family. Positive relationships for you/your children and their family are more important than the value of gifts.

Unless there is an established pattern of favoritism then I dont really see a problem with this. And if there is a pattern then address that, not the monetary value of gifts.
I'm from a big family and my parents are fair, but not obsessively so. If they see something expensive one of their children/grandchildren will love and they can afford it they buy it without having to worry that they then have to spend the same amount on the rest of us immediately, if they did that they'd never be able to treat any of us because it would be prohibitively expensive. I think they're careful not to constantly treat the same child but it does mean that sometimes one child/grandchild gets a bit if a splurge (or helping hand) and the others dont. Dosent mean they love that child more that week, just that they've seen the perfect gift and want to be able to buy it without either guilt or having to spend lots more to keep things even.
Grandkids can be treated equally without an exact mirroring of gifts at all times.

My aunty counted every penny that was spent on us vs what was spent on her 2. It drove a wedge between her and my dad and between her and may grandparents. It came across as grabby. You need to let it go. It is up to your mum how she chooses to spend her money. I have no idea how much my grandparents give to me vs my siblings vs my cousins and nor do I care. I love them, and they love me and their love is not counted by how much they spend.

We had this throughout my children growing up. My in laws always spoilt my BIL’s children more- they received huge bags of presents at Christmas and birthdays ( always hidden and done surreptitiously ) And they always received far bigger cash gifts than mine. At the time, it really wound me up and it was hurtful.
Now, I look back and think - whatever. My children are both amazing and in hindsight, I think missing out on a pile of tat didn’t harm them !