To feel sad at all this

[Nenanena]

First of all, this isn't anything of any great magnitude so I apologise if this sounds silly - I have been counting my blessings too. DS2 turned one a few days ago and I have felt very emotional about it all. I feel really sad that his first year is over. He was born at 35 weeks but thankfully healthy. I feel cheated all over again that I didn't get to have that rest I was craving when work finished because he came early. I feel sad that I've not been able to give him the same time and attention that DS1 had because of the demands of having two little ones and because I've been so tired. I feel sad that lockdown has meant i haven't had time on my own with him because of DS1 not going to nursery. I haven't been able to take him to baby groups and friends' houses, he (we) have missed out on all of that. I'm going back to work in two weeks and can't believe how quickly the year has gone, and how full on it has felt, with no time to savour it all. Finally, a couple of my good friends forgot his birthday despite lots of fuss being made about their kids' birthdays. Can anyone relate? I feel brimming over with emotion.

Not unreasonable at all

for you and birthday for your little one!

Obviously there will be others who have been affected more by lockdown bla bla bla, but it’s totally understandable that you’re feeling sad at what you’ve missed out on with your DS. You have a vision of how these things will pan out and it’s a shame when they don’t go as planned.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I think it's perfectly normal to feel a little regret at the passing of time that is amplified at each milestone. And everything is amplified to the nth degree by our current situation, I find.

The mental upheaval of preparing to return to work is enormous at the best of times. You'll find your equilibrium.

I can relate and I think it’s normal after the first anniversary of a birth that was unexpected.
My dts came at 30 weeks and I also had zero maternity time to eat chocolate and watch day time TV.
They are 10 now and I still yearn for this weeks of doing nothing.

Lockdown has meant that lots of people have missed out on the everyday experiences that we took for granted, it’s ok to feel sad about it.

is this also last baby? I feel you.

At 35 weeks pregnant I was packed for our last trip away before adding a baby to our already busy family.. 1spot of blood changed all of that!! I am rhesus negative but antibodies show in my blood always - hospital insist I had any bleeding checked out.. So along we went - with our luggage thinking quick check up and then on our merry way..
Arrived at maternity at 8am.
Had an emsc at 12!
Such a shock to my system they actually thought I had had a heart attack!! Lots of tests and kept in for a week as ds had jaundice.. What a shocker - I def felt swizzed!!
Took at least til ds's first birthday to accept the ways things happened!!
Yanbu to feel as you do op.

I feel exactly the same, my baby was 6 months when we went in to lockdown and i feel so sad at all the things we've missed out on doing. We had to cancel his christening, his first holiday and I've found it so hard trying to look after a baby whilst home schooling his older siblings. I know things could be worse, we are home safe and husbands job is secure but I still feel really tearful at how his first year has turned out.

Thanks all. I don't think I'd realised how many small elements of loss have been involved. Taken all together, especially in light of the pernicious effects of living through Covid, it seems more understandable.

@BabyLlamaZen Yes, we won't be having any more. My first maternity leave was a time I look back on with such happy memories. I had wrongly assumed that it would go similarly smoothly and that I'd feel the same this time (ready to return to work), but things don't always pan out that way!

I think also the guilt I feel at not being able to give DS2 the same attention and experiences has meant that my friends overlooking his birthday has taken on additional significance too, if that makes sense. I can rationalise the fact they forgot it, everyone has their own things going on, and second children don't make as much of an impression on others as first - in my experience anyway - but I keep feeling so cross with them too.