Friends with child's friends Mum

[coffeeabdTv]

Have you ever hit it off with your child friends Mum?

We did loads together; trips, theatre visits, nights at each others houses etc but then the kids drift apart as they are in different classes etc. I think it's more my child trying to be friends with another group too. Though I am sure there are 2 sides to the story.

I don't want to lose the friendship. Is it possible to stay mates? Will it be awkward?
Has anyone stayed friends despite their kids falling out?

I know I can't pick her friends but she was in such a lovely group.

Why do I feel so guilty?

My son took a new boy under his wing in Y4. They were practically inseparable. His mum and I hit it off too. Then within two years the boys had some sort of falling out and didnt want to hang out. Now they are 16 and different colleges and font see each other at all.
His mum and I are still besties! Initially it meant we didnt see much of each other in school hols but as the children are totally independent that isn't even true anymore. Our friendship started because our kids were friends, but it transcends it now.

I think it depends on the personality of the mums etc

Probably my best friend is the mum of one of DS's friends. They're not that close anymore but I love her mum to bits. We check in on each other every day, have a good joke etc. I hope we'll be lifetime friends. We're very similar personality wise.

On the other hand DS had another friend, I hit it off big time with his mum - we were both SAHM with no young children at home, so out most days somewhere together, coffee, shopping etc. The boys had a spat 3 years on, drifted apart and his Mum wanted nothing to do with me. Initially I was gutted, then realised I don't need a friend like that. We still have lots of mutual friends but I give her a wide berth

I have a couple of friends I met because their children are in the same class as my ds, our children have never been the best of friends but we are friends as we got on well. It doesn't matter if the children aren't friends, it depends how you get along as adults.

I met a mum when my child started in reception. We got on. A few years later they moved to a different school. The kids aren’t huge friends anymore but we still are. We’re not besties but we sometimes hang out and also go on holiday together as a family. Husbands and kids all get on. We don’t live in each other’s pockets but we are bbq/holiday/special occasion friends. I enjoy her company.

I still have a group of Mum friends from DD's friendship group at primary school. Some of the girls have stayed in touch, others haven't, but the adults are friends.

One of my closest friends is from nursery school days - our children still get on OK but they're not besties. We're still v. close though!

This happened to me with DD1's friend's mother. Kids often do a big friendship switcheroo at about age 11-12-13. Parents can find things very awkward if this happens, depending on how brutal the tweens are to each other

I decided to make friends outside of the school context afterwards.

If they went to different schools I would not feel as bad. My Dd is saying she doesn't want to walk to school with them anymore as she has developed new friends over lockdown. I just feel so awful about it.

Math are you no longer friends then? Kids can be brutal it's true.

It all gets petty too. My dd says well it's always me that texts first.

My son was friends with two boys in P1. I got friendly with their mums and we did a lot of lift sharing and playdates at each others houses. The other two have stayed friendly but my son has other friends now. I still meet up with he mums regularly and we still do they playdates. My son moans a little beforehand but they always do okay when they get together.

If the children drift apart, it's best to start planning adult get-togethers instead. Pre-lockdown, I'd see those Mum friends for drinks/cinema trips, etc. every few weeks, without the children in tow.

yes my best friend is the mum of my son's best friend from y3 to y8 and then the boys drifted apart with different interests. He has just left 6th Form and she is still my best friend

I'm still friends with quite a few mums from school even though our boys drifted apart in secondary school.

My oldest is now close friends with someone he fell out with in yr8 even though they are now in uni at opposite ends of the country. I was never really friends with his mum and still aren't. The person he was closest to in yr8 is just a distant friend for him now but we are still close friends with his parents.

I made a rule not to get involved in friendship problems unless they were harmful. Children drift apart when they start choosing their own groups, it's just a natural progression.

We are friends, but more FB friends than women who meet for coffee. On top of the tiff between our daughters, she got incredibly busy with a promotion at work in the year that followed, and simply didn't have the time for much socialising.

While her DD was quite cutting toward mine, I am aware that my own DD could dish it too if she felt like it.

I'm friends with several of my children's friends mothers. I'm also met several of my closest friends through my children's sports, though not always the parents of children my children are especially close with.

My mum is still good friends with my childhood best friend's mum even though the two of us have barely said a word to each other in 25 years.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on their personalities.
Ds1's primary best friend mum dumped me majorly. After us spending all our time together, drinking together, going camping together. Then the boys drifted apart. Now none of us speak.

Other best friend is from post natal group. Kids never really got on, knew each other, were at different schools. We are very close.

I'm friends with one of ds2's primary friends mums. The boys aren't that close, but can cope with an occasional meet up. But she and I do most of our meeting alone.

I'm not friends with any of ds2's secondary mums. Pleasantries. Jokes on WhatsApp etc. They are all pleasant. But totally not close friendships, just superficial ones for me.