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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel jealous and over sensitive

19 replies

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 13:24

Just wanted to run this by someone as wondering if I am becoming over sensitive about this and ned to chill out.

My DH went away for 2 weeks on buisness to Moscow and whilst away we chatted on the phone and he was telling me how cosmopolitian it had become .He was telling me the shops were all now filled with designer gear and the woman all went around in short skirts and knee length boots.
He was saying how attractive Russian women were.
He was saying this in a jokey kind of way and then went on to tell me how his colleague loved it over there with so many beautiful women to look at.

I said he was turning in to a pervy middle aged man and he said he was just explaining to me what it was like there now and he was just being honest.
He did reassure me when i felt upset by it saying i should know he still finds me sexy and he did'nt mean it in that way.

It just made me feel sat at home old and frumpy and wondering if all men talk like this coming into middle age as DH has never really sounded like this before and it is strange for me.

Should I be happy that he feels he can talk to me like this?

Am I just be silly?

OP posts:

Elasticbandstand · 28/09/2007 13:26

i think you shoudl feel happy, he was talking about his colleague loving the beautiful woman not him.
so they werent all shot putters of qustionable sex?

flowerybeanbag · 28/09/2007 13:27

I wouldn't be happy either. I am sure plenty of men look at other women, think they're attractive etc, that's perfectly normal. But it's not particularly sensitive to talk to their DWs about it, and a bit unnecessary. That's not the sort of thing you need to be 'honest' about.

Don't know whether it's a coming into middle age thing I'm afraid. But I don't think you're being over-sensitive.

foxinsocks · 28/09/2007 13:29

maybe he was just trying to paint a picture for you (of what it's like)?

I imagine you're just missing him.

It's probably his colleague who has been all pervy!

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 13:37

Elasticbandstand-He did say some of them were quite stern and rude when they realsied he was English.

A cafe they ate in,all the waiteresses were dressed as Russain dolls and it was just the tone of his voice when he was saying about the short skirts and high boots that made me feel unattractive.

When he was talking to a male friend of his when we he got back it was me that brought up about the women there and DH just said with a smile I was'nt going to mention that.
Of course his friend said he would be going straight there to visit.

It has just left me qustioning how my DH has changed and maybe this mid life crisis thing is looming or if he has always talked this way with other men but feels comfortable now to talk to me openly.

Maybe that is just men in general and I did'nt like to think my DH was like that.

OP posts:

ConnorTraceptive · 28/09/2007 13:40

Can understand why you're a bit pee'd off really. Trying to tell you about what a country is like doesn't need to involve talking about how lovely the women are. I mean you don't find stuff about skirt length's in the Lonely Planet do you?

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 13:44

Thanks for the replys.

I think he was trying to paint a picure of the new Russia to me and telling me there was ethier very rich people or very poor people.

As for the women they now have a new found freedom and seem to be demonstrating this in what they wear.

I thought it unecessary for him to tell me this over the phone but maybe that's just men for you,they don't think.

He did say though it was him maybe becoming a pervy middle aged man!!!

OP posts:

pagwatch · 28/09/2007 13:44

I'm a bit [dropped jaw emocion]

My DH loves me in spite of the fact that I am older than him and getting a bit frayed around the edges. But I would happily talk to him about other womens beauty. I have commented on particularly beautiful women when we are out and similarly if a gorgeous man walked past it could be discussed. Its not pervy or old it is just people watching isn't it.
He is always interested by how we view beauty differently (he thinks Nicole kidman is "nothing special" and I think that Sienna Miller is bland [meow]).

Why is that an issue to be sensitive about?
Seriously - unless you thinkhe would seriously stray. I'm not being funny - I don't understand

flowerybeanbag · 28/09/2007 13:47

Pagwatch I would think talking in those terms when you are out together is slightly different. Outofsorts' DH has been away to another country and felt it necessary to come back and tell her about how attractive the women are. I would have thought the sights, food, weather etc would have been obvious and more interesting topics to discuss with her.

Nothing wrong with him finding other women attractive but I think it's a bit bizarre to bring it up when he gets home.

JodieG1 · 28/09/2007 13:50

I agree with Pagwatch, my dh and I are like that and talk about other people we see that are attractive. He said the same about Italian women when he came back from a business trip there and it didn't bother me as we are always open about everything.

OrmIrian · 28/09/2007 13:52

"Should I be happy that he feels he can talk to me like this?"

Yes. He was sharing something about the place that struck him. Did he not mention anything else? I'd be more worried if he was thinking it and not wanting to tell you.

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 13:53

pagwatch-Your probably right,I am over sensitive at the best of times.

I know he would'nt stray and he is always telling me he loves me .

Maybe I should like at from the point of view that he feels we have such a relationship that he can talk to me about anything.

He likes to describe things in detail and obviously did'ny think it would upset me.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 28/09/2007 13:54

FBB - yes ISWYM.
Dh would cover hotel, flight, sights etc as well - but like JodieG1 the women are always mentioned when he is in Italy and parts of France. And at some stage he may even let me know how the business part of the trip went.
Perhaps he just hasd a really strong stereotype in his head ( East German shot putter type thing) and that was why it was at the front of his mind.

Honestly not being funny about OP. It just surprised me. But I do see if it was his main topic...

pagwatch · 28/09/2007 13:56

Outofsort. I'm sure the fact he felt he could just chat with you was more a sign of how relaxed you are together. I really wasn't trying to trivialise how you were feeling.

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 13:57

He did also send pictures via e mail of the Kremlin,Red Square and all the touristy sites for the children.

We also had updates of the food he was eating and the weather and the terrible traffic system.

So yes other topics were mentioned.

Maybe as I am typing this I was being a little over jealous.

OP posts:

Doodledootoo · 28/09/2007 14:01

Message withdrawn

andiem · 28/09/2007 14:09

outofsorts I can see where you are coming from my dh travels loads and when I am feeling lonely, milky and fat I wonder if he would ever be tempted when he is away. It is completely irrational as I know he loves me and would never do anything but when you are on your own it is easy to think about things a bit too much

not suggetsing your dh would stray obviously

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 14:20

Doodledootoo-He already irons his own shirts

OP posts:

Doodledootoo · 28/09/2007 14:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

outofsorts · 28/09/2007 14:50

Doodledoo-your've just made me smile
He cleans the kitchen floor as well.

Maybe I should count my blessings and make him a nice bowl of Borscht for dinner.

OP posts:

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