Too tired to be a good mum?

[HP1092]

I have 2 DC, 6 years and 18 months old. Today I have baked cakes with DD whilst DS napped, been to Tesco and taken them to the park. Also prepared meals, done housework and washing, etc etc .. AIBU to ask if you ever felt too tired to be a good mum? I'm bloody knackered just from doing the basics. DD had a lovely time baking and they both enjoyed the park but sometimes I'm worried that I'm not "present" enough due to being constantly shattered and probably a bit spaced out! Currently hiding in my bedroom to get a moments peace with a hot drink and a chocolate biscuit whilst they trash the lounge too.

Your not just doing the basics IMO op

Just doing the basics to me is feeding / changing / keeping them safe.

Absolutely agree with previous poster. That's more than the basics. You're doing great x

All the time.

I think if you're tired you are being a good mum

I know exactly what you mean, but I agree with others you're not just doing the basics! Sounds like you're managing quite a lot TBH, don't be so hard on yourself.

I read somewhere that children only really need a minimum of 15 minutes of focused attention a day. We tie ourselves in knots because we seem to think they need hours and hours from us, and of course it's nice to spend longer if you can and it's enjoyable, but I hang onto that 15 minute idea for bad days.

@elf1985

I think if you're tired you are being a good mum

This. Also I feel permanently tired and I only have one 5 year old, and I've done less than you today.

That’s mad I said those exact words to DH about an hour ago. You sound like you’ve done amazing and kept them all happy, definitely not just the basics.

I feel like I’m in a tired fog at the moment

I think feeling knackered isn't that unusual. It's very difficult for parents to "recharge" at the best of times but right now there's no let up! No trip to the coffee shop with a friend; no cinema trips as a couple or on your own; no babysitters; nothing frivolous! I get excited about managing to do the shopping on my own and try to appreciate 5 mins peace in the car.

I feel you. I constantly have awful mum guilt as I'm permanently too tired to really enjoy doing anything with my young twins. Of course I make sure they go to the park/bake/have play dates/do craft etc but I always feel like I'm never really present, and would rather be on my own watching shit TV or napping.

I like to tell myself that they wont remember me being disinterested, but will remember all the fun things they do. Even if my mind is only half there for it.

You're doing great. Baking cakes is not part of being a mum unless you want it to be. There are no super mums, I promise you. Just millions of very exhausted ones!

Thanks everyone ❤ feeling much better now!

I bookmarked this on Sunday, meaning to reply when I got 5 minutes peace; can't quite believe it's taken me until now to come back!

Just to say; I'm shattered too, but it sounds like you're doing a fab job. You are doing more than the minimum already. Keeping going mum, you're doing better than you realise.