To feel drained by my mother?

[Poptart4]

She's late 50's, so not elderly. My brother lives with her and is currently furloughed so at home alot over the last few months. My 2 other brother's live on the same street as her with their families. And my sister and I visit twice a week. Shes surrounded by family.

The problem is she constantly calls all of us (5 kids) to complain that she's bored and wants us to visit all the time. I've told her the whole country is bored, lock down has been shit for everyone.

I work 3 days a week and have 4 children who haven't been in school since March. I've alot on my plate and the constant phone calls are becoming annoying.

When I do visit she does nothing but complain. Seems like she has a different ailment every week. If I have a cold, she has pneumonia, if I have a headache, she has a brain tumour... you get the picture. Shes also always looking for money. I refuse to give it because she spends every penny on smokes and scratch cards. But she sulks when I say no, making me not want to visit her at all.

TBH I'm getting frustrated with her. She's a grown adult. If shes bored she needs to do something about it. I dont know what she realistically expects me to do?

Ugh I love her but find her very draining.

It's tricky! People are needy. People are unhappy in their own company. She definitely sounds bored. My mum has a very simple life at home. my dad's always worked and she's always stayed at home with the kids. She's also got some health problems that have limited her in the last 10 years. I found my whole life looking back she's never really done much. Sometimes a random school mum would come round for a coffee but other than that she was always on her own. I don't have any memories of her ever popping out much other than to pop into town for shopping. Now she is older she has such a sharp tongue. She also puts her own adult kids down to almost make herself sound more worldly. She doesn't have any interests apart from books and the soaps.

There are times when I moan about how I feel and she does what your mum does to you. I had the worst anaemia in February I could barely walk. I remember doing the school run and my chest feeling weak and horrible on the way home. I phoned my mum and said how I felt and she said it's probably just the weather. I had to remind her for the 100th time about my iron levels and she just said hmmm hmmmm. She will often say something to cancel out what I've said. So if I say, I feel really weak today she will say oh I went like that on Wednesday all dizzy and funny. everything I go through now she went through when she was in her thirties. She also has no interest in what I've been up to. The only difference is my mum doesn't invite me round and she's happy in her own company. it sounds cruel but just don't answer your phone as much maybe and make excuses like sorry I was on the toilet. I sometimes blame the kids for being noisy if I don't want to answer the phone haha. I'm not sure what else you can do really or ignore her a bit.

My dm is the same. She lives alone and seems her only happiness is if I can visit take her out shopping ect. It's such a drain, I work full time and crave time out for me.. I'm in the process of putting boundaries in place. It's so hard though. You have my sympathies op.

@Melonslicexx I think not ans the phone as much is the way to go. I'll end up snapping at her if I don't.

My DM is the same. She doesn’t really have any hobbies or interests so lives her lives through DB and I. She will constantly text us and tag us on stuff on social media to get our attention, and always wants to do stuff with us etc. It’s so draining, and as you can imagine lockdown has been especially difficult because of that.

God draining. Yes I let phone ring but then house phone goes. Set boundaries now. She started text me I said oh dont presume stuff when Im in work. Im worn out. She mid 70s