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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that this shouldn't have happened?

19 replies

Magicra84 · 12/07/2020 13:25

As an adult in my early twenties, I lived with my mum and stepdad. One night, quite late on, they were having sex loudly and I asked them politely to be quiet. They didn't and just carried on. I moved out shortly after.

Another time, a few years ago, I went away with the two of them. They're both arseholes at time and very controlling. I've tried going NC but feel guilty each time. Anyway, this time in the holiday home, they had both ganged up on me, I had an argument with them, and I had ended up going to bed early because of it. About half an hour later they went to bed and started having sex really loudly, I could clearly hear the springs on the bed and lots of sex noises for an hour or so. It was awful. AIBU in thinking this was unacceptable? It's making me really hate my mum as I'm thinking about those instances a lot lately for some reason. Then I feel guilty as my mum helps me out at times very occasionally (not financially, just with other things).

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 12/07/2020 13:26

Parents have sex. Invest in earplugs.

Magicra84 · 12/07/2020 13:28

But loud enough that they know I would hear?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 12/07/2020 13:30

Don't go on holiday with them.

Justanotherwrinkle · 12/07/2020 13:31

You aren’t wrong here
Parents can and do have sex but they can also turn the volume down when they know their kids are in earshot.

The best case is that they are just thoughtless and selfish
The worst is that they somehow got off on it or enjoyed the power or control over making you uncomfortable.

Stay away from them. Nothing you have said suggests a benefit to you in maintaining a relationship with either of them.
A bit of help from your mum doesnt mean you ignore all the crap bits.

justthecat · 12/07/2020 13:32

Do you think they do it on purpose?

Ponoka7 · 12/07/2020 13:33

I have grown up children and we've all stayed with inlaws, you be discreet.

It certainly came to the point were you needed to move out, but on holiday was different.

They won't turn into the people that you want them to be. So you'll have to proceed with a relationship based on how they are.

There's no point in going over this.

TidyDancer · 12/07/2020 13:34

I'm assuming there's a backstory here that's making everything seem worse than it is. What you've described doesn't sound that bad really. Not nice, but not really anything terrible.

Meme2019 · 12/07/2020 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklesocks · 12/07/2020 13:45

@Meme2019 you’re probably better off starting your own thread rather than hijacking one.

That is strange OP. I think I would not stay with them again, but it sounds like there are deeper issues here too.

LaszlosHat · 12/07/2020 13:45

Might want to start your own thread @Meme2019 though I totally see why you would want to piggy back the OPs parent sex question Grin

Magicra84 · 12/07/2020 13:54

There is more stuff like when i were a kid I had clothes that were falling apart and could never afford nice food. One Christmas I got all second hand games that were far too young for me but my mum spent a fortune on her 50 a day smoking habit and going to the pub. I was made to get up early on my own from a very early age and sit on my own til she got up.

OP posts:
Yesitsthethruth123 · 12/07/2020 14:02

How did you ask them to have sex more quietly? Did you go into their room? Or knock on the door?

Berthatydfil · 12/07/2020 14:07

Eeeew. My dc are late teens early 20s and I would be mortified to be told they could hear me and dh. Ok yes these things do happen but I would make sure it never happened again.

PerpetuallyUnderwhelmed · 12/07/2020 14:16

This is awful. It can feel quite violating to hear others having sex, particularly your parents! Your post suggests it was deliberate which is really a horrible thing for a parent to do.

Magicra84 · 12/07/2020 14:40

I moved around to make sure they knew I was still awake both times and on the first time I just went to outside the door and asked them to be quieter.

I also got sent home from college early one day and the living room curtains were closed and the door was deadlocked from inside. When my mother finally opened the front door fifteen minutes later she told me that they had been busy having sex in the living room. This stuff isn't normal ffs!

OP posts:
Meme2019 · 12/07/2020 14:41

OMG so sorry, I thought I started a new thread.

Meme2019 · 12/07/2020 14:43

Didn’t mean to hijack, I thought I had started a new thread, website isn’t the easiest to navigate

Magicra84 · 12/07/2020 15:44

@Meme2019 ha ha ha so funny! Don't worry about it Grin

OP posts:
C5568425 · 12/07/2020 15:58

Weird if you ask me. Just because people treat you nicely sometimes, doesn't mean you can excuse the lack of respect on other occasions.
It's hard when someone is your primary care giver yet neglectful towards you.
But yeah, YANBU, they're being weird in my opinion.

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