Another fence and neighbour one!

[Helpmyhair2019]

Hello
Just checking if I I’m unreasonable or not. I didn’t think I was but now am doubting myself!

We have three border fences in our garden separating us from houses either side and at the back. One of the side ones and the back one are 6ft wooden ones but the other one is a very ramshackled makeshift fence of barbed wire and plastic. This fence is our responsibility and was put up by the previous owner.

The elderly couple that we ‘share’ this fence with have always said they like to be able to talk to us over the fence and see what’s going on. We have kept it like this as I felt sorry for them but since lockdown we have had very little privacy with them commenting on everything we do and also the kids footballs keep going over, the dog tries
To get through the holes and it just looks awful.

We spoke to them today to explain we are thinking of installing a fence to match the others - I blamed it on the kids and the
Dog and didn’t say it was because I want
To be able to sit in my own garden without them watching me.

We both have big gardens but he their vegetable patch is on the other side of the fence so they use it a lot.

They were very angry about it and said we shouldn’t put one up but should just put in even more (ugly and dangerous) wire netting instead.

I don’t think I am being unreasonable wanting to have a fence? The only view it blocks is into our garden (we only use half of it now due to how much we get watched by them on the other half) and they can’t see if from their house.

Yanbu at all
Nice of you to tell them really, but it's your fence so it's your choice. Tell them to buy a TV if they want something to watch

YANBU. You know this. You’ve been polite telling them. If they object just make sure it’s on your land and leave them the ramshackle fence. You might lose a few inches but you’ll gain a lot of privacy.

Our ndn was similar. Her dh complained our ddogs went in each other's gardens. She didn't mind as she had a relationship of sorts with the dc and me.. She had a games console (20 years ago quite a thing!) and we popped in now and again. My dh wanted a fence up. New baby imminent and a pita going to poop scoop if our ddog did one in their garden etc.
She flipped and tried to hack new fence down with a claw hammer!! Sadly had to involve a solicitor in the end.
Maybe offer to pop round for a chat now and again op.
Rough times for all atm.
Be sympathetic to that.

We’re very sympathetic to the point we’ve been shopping, food orders - the works. We share a drive and speak to them outside the front of the house every single time we go
Anywhere! Just need to be able to have privacy round the back x

If it is your resposibility to maintain then do what you want. Upset alreadyy caused so just go ahead and errect fence of your choice.

YANBU.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all as it sounds like you don’t enjoy any aspects of the lower fence, and you have been respectful of your neighbours. But I can see the other side too. We have three foot fences on both sides in our back garden and when we moved in they were similar to what you describe - a bit ramshackle with chicken wire. After a few years of living here we replaced them with attractive wooden fences - but by this point we enjoyed the relationships we had developed with our neighbours over the fence so much that we just installed 3 ft ones. I would be sad if new neighbours installed 6ft fences in the future - but I certainly wouldn’t say anything. Obviously we may not get on with future neighbours in the same way, but I would probably still mourn the loss of such a great community feeling!

Nope. Do what you want with your own fence.

We were in a similar position. Our elderly neighbours are the same and made a big fuss about our wanting to replace current fence with a 6 foot one to match the other 2. They wanted to keep it at 5 feet. We went with what they wanted and I regret it ever since. People like this struggle with change.

It's your fence, a crappy broken chicken wire one is unsafe. You have every right to put up a 6 foot one if you want, it's none of their business but if you feel bad, which you shouldnt, then maybe talk to them and compromise on 5 foot. Whats the worse that could happen. They huff and puff and ignore you for a while and moan to their friends, if they are that petty they are not worth fretting about.

If their veg patch is against that fence is it perhaps because they may loose light and it effect growth?

Still not your problem though. I wouldn't hesitate and just tell them it is happening

Thanks all. I do understand the social side of it but we talk to them every time we leave our front door (even when I’m in a rush), have taken them to hospital in the middle of the night on a few occasions when they needed help and I just want my back garden to be my back garden not a shared one. We are the odd ones out to have this chicken wire fence in our area so it’s not like it’s a tradition that we’re spoiling.

Thank you - I know I’m not being unreasonable and need to pull myself together and stop worrying!

Yes i think it’s possibly because of the veg patch but the gardens are so huge that it would be unreasonable to insist this was the only place it could go. Due to the odd size of our garden we can never go outside without being on full view of them.

I used to talk to my neighbour over our 3ft wall. It became unsafe so we put up a 6ft fence, dh doesn't have the same relationship with them as it's my family home ( neighbours used to change my nappy!)
It is lovely to have some privacy, I certainly get more done, and I make an effort to go round every couple of months for a gossip.

Just put the fence up.

Just accepted a quote - the fence is going up! Thanks all!

We put up a 6foot recently because we had a 4ft one and the kids next door used to find us the most exciting thing ever and we could never sit out there! Best thing we have ever done