Support thread for those feeling overwhelmed with life/parenting/everything

[Merryoldgoat]

Hello! Following on from my thread last night I had absolutely masses of support and it made me feel much better.

So here’s a thread to support anyone who needs it.

Today it’s not quite 11am and I have achieved:

A load of washing washed and drying
Cleaned the bathroom
Made my bed
Had some fun time with my children
Enjoyed the morning sunshine
A healthy breakfast

I’m going to do a bit of painting shortly and then crochet some more of a blanket.

Post here if you need some support or just need to let out some frustrations.

@GinDaddyRedux
Didn’t realise you were the AIBU police?!
AIBU gets allot of traffic, why not post a thread to help people on here?
You’re just being a knob for the sake of it. What help is your comment on a board of people who are unfortunately feeling overwhelmed?

I’m having a really bad weekend. Don’t feel like I can face another week of this.

Our twins (3, both autistic and various other medical issues) have been at home since the start of the pandemic. We haven’t been anywhere other than the house and the garden, and I can’t even take them into the garden on my own.

DH has been snowed under with work so I’ve been managing the twins pretty much by myself during the week (although he takes over before and after work) while managing my part time job and tribunal cases for both of them and trying to complete some SEN law training online.

I’m just at the point where I want to run away.

@SinkGirl

That sounds SO hard - I’m not surprised you want to run away. 3 is a tricky age anyway let alone throwing twins and autism into the mix.

Do you do anything to relax or destress?

I am just about to eat but posting to make my place for later

Ordinarily I knit or crochet or play the piano but I’m just in a pit at the moment - I don’t have the energy to do anything. Hopefully it’s just a few bad days and I’ll feel better, it’s just the relentlessness and not knowing when things are going to get better.

Their tribunal hearings aren’t until the end of September so everything is up in the air until then and I’m not sure they’ll be able to go back to nursery at all until things are sorted. Plus it feels daft to have gone through all this just to send them back and risk us all getting sick (we don’t have any family help so if we both got sick we would be in deep trouble, hard enough to take care of the twins when we are well!).

I think it’s just hard because every day is the same - their play skills are very delayed so despite trying we can’t do a lot of the things others can do with theirs. One will sit and play with a puzzle for a little while but the other really isn’t interested in anything, he might interact with a toy for 30 seconds and that’s it. Or he will want songs, but it’s the same three songs over and over again.

It’s been a very long few months! And I feel so guilty because once the tribunal is done they’ll be going to a specialist school and we will never have time like this with them again, so I feel like I should be making the most of it and enjoying it but it’s so hard.

I don’t want it to sound like I don’t love them or like being around them because that’s so not true. It’s just so hard without a break.

Ah *sinkgirl" that sounds so hard. I feel the same, I love my DC but we are all here nearly all the time and it is so wearing! Having a break makes such a difference.

Mine are older and my older teen DC are great at helping my youngest (7) with school work so I can crack on with housework but we have all lost any real motivation now and I feel guilty that they haven't all done loads of work. We have done a few hours a day but it is a struggle and I feel like we are going backwards sometimes.

I feel very overwhelmed at the moment, between work and constant worry that I am letting my DC down and the absolute state of our house at the moment. I know I'm lucky though I get to go to work every day and get out the house but that's a bit of a nightmare too right now!!

On a more positive note I'm now going to sit with some 🍫 and ☕ and do some cross stitch whilst I ignore the teenagers who won't be going to bed for hours yet!!

@SinkGirl very bizarrely I also knit, crochet and play the piano...

I really can’t offer any real guidance or comfort but all I can say is I understand. My 2yo is similarly delayed and whilst I adore and love him it’s very hard when all of the usual pass times aren’t suitable.

Im just home from drinking in a friend’s garden and just having a few hours to myself made everything lighter. Is it possible for you to get out alone for a short time?

@Dancetherain

How great your older DC are so helpful. I must say my older boy is amazing with the 2yo - although he has HFA he really seems to understand the little one needs understanding and latitude which he willingly gives him.

DH and I have worked all through the Corona-crisis from home and the four of us being here all the time has been really hard on the house - I totally understand. I feel like my poor 7yo just gets a raw deal all the time.

They have been great, my eldest was supposed to be doing his GCSEs this year so I've been filling his time with helping with the little one. Was surprised that dd1 (12) also wanted to help her. Ds2 (14) helps everyone with their maths!

Aside from school they are all getting lazy tho!

Your 7 year old sounds fab! It's hard having to do everything in the same space,.at least in normal times there's usually a chance for a break from each other!

Had 2 boosts today. Firstly the water company turned up to replace our manhole cover... Something we reported last year as they were nearly rusted through (and in the middle of the garden!) They also put in a request for another to be replaced as driveways should have reinforced ones and ours doesn't.

Then I got school reports. DD2 is doing well (as expected) but the report was more about how helpful an confident she is. DD1 struggles academically, so her attainment levels are below the expected level, but her report said how hardworking and polite she is. Just needs more confidence in herself.

Hope you all have good days.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

That’s great! I love it when little things happen to keep you going and the reports are fantastic. I’m getting my DS’s tomorrow. I suspect it will be... patchy.

I wrote a list on my blackboard of the things I’d like to do this week and have already ticked off one. I also deep cleaned the downstairs loo and nursed a hangover which I should have avoided but I decided it would be a good idea to smoke a load of fags 🙈

Well done little arounds !

And well done on your blackboard ticking off Merry

I had a good day too, managed 2h dissertation in the morning and 2h in the afternoon (though some of that was dealing with IT issues and giving a friend marriage advice through whatsapp.)

Only bad bit of the day was DS1 waiting too long to wee, weeing on the bathroom floor, and then walking through the carpeted corridor to tell me

DH is currently doing bedtime with DS1 and hopefully we'll get to watch tv and chat for a bit rather than me falling asleep mid bedtime routine!

I feel I need support. I have very young kids. Husband who works from 7:30am till 8pm. I feel lost most of the time and only time to myself when I’m breastfeeding youngest! That’s when I go on phone and check out mumsnet usually. I’m really down today more than usual

Sorry that sounded more dramatic than I meant it to! My main issue is I feel I have no time between feeding, changing, cleaning etc. I feel I have no me time. Any tips for this?

This thread describes my situation so well!
Is there an end in sight?!

@Binny36

Whilst I didn’t breastfeed very long at all, my younger DS was a Velcro baby and I spent 6 months with him on my chest. It felt so hard some days.

Can your DH get home earlier one night? What about weekend time?

I think the only way to make progress is to properly plan a few small things which motivates you to keep on.

I’ve also decluttered a lot and whilst it’s a work in progress it has made a big difference to being able to keep tidy.

@Callardandbowser

Some days I’m so so positive - I feel full of energy and motivation and ready to take on the word. Other days it gets undone because I just can’t be bothered.

@Merryoldgoat thank you! It felt good to offload. Love the term “Velcro baby” lol

@Binny36

It was such a shock as older really wasn’t - didn’t like co-sleeping or anything. Even now With 2yo it sometimes feels like he’s trying to climb into me.