My ds is turning 3 at the end of this month an we were planning a small party with his grandma at our home and then on his actual birthday a visit to my parents so that he could spend some time with them too (we have not visited in nearly a year). In the mean time my sister (who lives with my parents) has had a miscarriage. I spoke to my mum and said that I felt it may be upsetting for her for us to come over and I didn't want to be insensitive so we would come over another time, absolutely no issues or resentment on my side. My mum said she would double check with my sister ( I asked her not to) and would let me know. Sister said it was fine to come over, that she was excited to see the children. I have since found out that whilst she does want to see ds on his birthday she thinks I am a bitch for having a party for him at all ( even though this would be at my home) and that we shouldn't be having a celebration at all. She is not happy that we would be having a cake at my mum's house and thinks balloons or banners would be inappropriate. Sister's miscarriage was very early on in her pregnancy and I was asked not to share her pregnancy news with anyone including my dh. Am I being unreasonable in being upset that my mum couldn't be honest with me and say that we should meet up at another time especially when this is what I had said? I had wanted to avoid any further distress or upset but it looks like that is what has happened. Am I wrong in going ahead with the party at my home (by party I mean having cake, balloons and just their gran over)? Dh does not know about the miscarriage and whilst I do not like keeping secrets from him, did not want to go against sisters wishes as it was her news to share.
I appreciate that birthdays are not the be and end all but it is the first year that ds actually knows what a birthday is. We were not going to have lots of people over obviously due to covid, music or bouncy castles and the like but just food, cake and some decor. I also do not have social media accounts so pictures would not be posted on facebook or similar, at the most a picture of ds would probably be on my watsapp.