for DH to speak to his kids mum... *Sensitive*

[NotAWickedStepmum]

DH has two teenage kids with his ex. Ex's partner sadly passed away nearly two years ago but she really hasn't got over it.
Yesterday the kids broke down to DH, said they don't want to be there anymore because of how she is. The house is pretty much a shrine to the partner, everything of his is still left in the house. She is obviously grieving and struggling. The kids do EVERYTHING in the house and she stays in bed.
They're fed up, they want their mum back. When one of them tried to talk to her she got really angry and accused them of wanting to forget about him.
Obviously they stay with us but at some point will go back to her.
Her family have tried to talk to her but she's fallen out with them.
The kids have begged DH not to tell her but he feels he needs to do something for the kids sake.
In the past he has given her links etc for counselling, helped out financially etc but he really doesn't know what to do.
I'm really not trying to sound evil, I really feel for her but I don't know what to suggest either...

Those poor children should not feel like they have to go back to look after their own mother and essentially stop her killing herself or hurting herself She needs to get proper help and if so won’t do that it isn’t a fit place to have children grow up..

No-one has said that the mum needs to get over it. She doesn’t.

But the fact is she has children she is responsible for, and if her state of mind is such that she is not able to care for those children then they should be able to go and live with their father who is currently the most stable place for them to be.

Losing her partner will have been heartbreaking for her, but when you have children, while you do still retain that grief you do have to move forward for their sake.

Also, she is constantly asking why they aren’t acting the same and why they’re not thinking about him. Reality is that the children Probably didn’t feel the same about him, and they won’t see this as a loss in the same way as she does.

As hard as it is, grief does not trump everything else. If she feels that all she can do is grieve then those around her who she is responsible need to be looked after independently of that grief, and certainly shouldn’t be made to feel responsible for her.

And mediums are exploitative charlatans who prey on the vulnerable.

She doesn't have to get over it but she has to move forward if she wants to kerp her dc staying eith her. The dc should not bear responsibility for her mh.
It s Her job with professional support.
Nor caN her ex. But her ex can say that she must seek help . In meantime her dc will stay with him because it is not on them to stop her killing herself.
If she has such grief she has to get bereavement help if she wants to keep her dc with her.
She is making choices to see medium's etc.
Maybe she doesn't see clearly.
Only psychological or psychiatric help can help her live with her grief.

Her dc cannot do this and should not be made responsible for her MH.
Maybe she needs in patient help.
Or maybe she is making her choice. But she should not drag her dc down with her.

Op s dh support has to be on lines of getting her to seek psychological support. No ifs no buts.