"Starting a family"

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

I think that this phrase isn't very well thought out at all. To insinuate that one can only gain a family once they have kids is a huge oversight, and could also can be offensive or frustrating to those who can't or don't want kids.

• Someone's idea of a family might involve:

• Four kids; amazing!

-Their partner and 2 cats; also a fabulous idea.

• A single person, content with their immediate family; Great, go for it.

AIBU to think that people should think twice before using this phrase in everyday conversation?

[Zilla1]

Perhaps PPs might want to look up the words fact and opinion and not confuse the two.

[SnuggyBuggy]

I suppose its short for starting your own nuclear family.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

if the couple have a child then the child passes, were they a family then stopped bizarre analogy, as someone who’s lost both parents they are still my family

[Candyfloss99]

@LillianBland

I still get the ‘it’s so sad that you and Mr Lillian never had a family of your own’. Apparently taking in three nephews and a niece and raising them as our own, isn’t family. The faux sympathy really kicked in after my husband died. 🙄

That's awful. Of course you are a family.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

It means planning to have kids. Nobody is suggesting single people without children don't have families.
Why must people "think twice" about using perfectly innocuous phrases in case someone somewhere wildly misinterprets them and chooses to feel offended?

[Candyfloss99]

YANBU. I absolutely hate it when people ask me do I have a family. Do my mother and father and brothers and sisters not count?

[Flyingagainstreason]

I think everyone understands what the op is trying to say, and if they don’t they’re being deliberately obtuse

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

The whole point of colloquialisms is that they are phrases with a meaning that isnt an exact translation of the words in its phrase taken separately.

E.g everyone knows "start a family" means have children. Its sort of a euphemism/colloquialism. Get over it.

[Zilla1]

Well, onlyfools, it's an analogy to try and help people with firm opinions about what makes a family to think through the implications of their opinion.

[PositivelyPrecious]

A lot of moronic replies on here that essentially prove the ops point about it being a stupid and insensitive phrase. Looking at you @SkinnyChicky
@Ishitzuyouknot

According to the logic of posters on here :

-adopted children don’t have a family
-parents of adopted children don’t have a family

• wedding ceremonies where the priest/celebrant specifically reference joining together two families/ take a seat not a side we’re all family once the knot is tied are lying as it’s not true
  
• my husband who lost his parents and is an only child apparently has no family.
  

Are all you morons seriously saying you wouldn’t think it weird if someone asked my husband about his family and he said he had none absolutely zero family and then I walk in and he says this is my wife, this is my mother in law this is my four brother in laws and my sister in law

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Zilla1 but no one has said they think death is the end of a family

[delightfuldaisy19]

Absolutely YANBU

You can have a family through having sisters/brothers/parents etc - it is not just about having children.

I got very cross with my mother when she asked (in a pitiful manner) if someone had family (meaning chikdren). I said Yes - they have sisters, parents, cousins etc. Having a family does not only refer to having children. Grrrrrrrr.

[FishHasDied]

Who cares.
You use the terminology you want and let’s others use theirs.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

FGS, what’s the next thing that’s going to be seen as ‘offensive’?

[Zilla1]

Only, it was an analogy to try and help people think through the implications of saying that families only start after a couple then have a birth. Might be best to read Positively's post too.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

I agree with the idea of starting a family is different to being part of a family. Everyone who is born is part of a family, hence family trees.
If people want to call their partner their family that’s up to them, “starting” is the verb that’s being questioned, if you have children (either biologically or otherwise) you are starting the next generation. It’s in no way superior to any other way of living.

[beatrixpotterspencil]

my family is
me and my DP
usually a cat (although after last little one passed away, we're not getting another for a few years now)
a teddy that we take ravelling with us.
our various comfort bits and our art work.

[beatrixpotterspencil]

also, a few cherished friends, who now make up our 'covid bubble'

[beatrixpotterspencil]

has anyone seen the series 'still game'?
I see those people as a sort of 'family'.
the idea is they are all old, and their kids are in other countries or have left town long ago.
their small community is their family.
its a lovely thing really.
I hope I have friends like that when I am old!

[PumpkinP]

Could be worse. I’ve been told by a few people me and my kids are not a “real family” as I’m a single parent

[BiscuitLover3679]

But that is them starting their family. This does seem a bit petty op.

[Weekends]

I really can't see why couples aren't seen as a family/part of the family by some. My sister has been with her partner for 20+ years. He is my daughter's uncle. He's in our family - my family, my daughter's family and my sister's family. But I guess all families are different, probably why we all have different viewpoints!

I agree with the OP that context is (as ever!) with these terms.

[Weekends]

I've been told that as a single parent too!

[Jennifer2r]

Its not offensive as in a PC kind of a way. Its just a bit thoughtless.

"do you have a family of your own?"

It would be easy not to say it. It would be easy to ask what you really mean which is "do you have children".