"Starting a family"

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

I think that this phrase isn't very well thought out at all. To insinuate that one can only gain a family once they have kids is a huge oversight, and could also can be offensive or frustrating to those who can't or don't want kids.

• Someone's idea of a family might involve:

• Four kids; amazing!

-Their partner and 2 cats; also a fabulous idea.

• A single person, content with their immediate family; Great, go for it.

AIBU to think that people should think twice before using this phrase in everyday conversation?

[GhettoDefendant]

YABU and oversensitive. People need to stop making an issue out of everything these days and trying to police everyone else’s language

1000 times this.

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

@aroseinharlem I was referring to a single person and their immediate family. They still have a family of their own even if they're single!

I don't agree with the posters who are stating that a family only includes direct descendants.

Also, I'm not "looking to be offended", I genuinely feel that asking someone "when are you going to start a family" just odd and old fashioned! There are plenty of different families out there, regardless of the presence of offspring.

[antipodes1]

I agree, my sister doesn’t have kids, she hates getting asked if she has a family. It’s really insensitive and hurtful to think that a person is only considered part of a family if they have kids.
I am my sisters family as are my children, my parents, our other sisters, our grandparents and my nephews. Your part of a family when your a child that doesn’t end just because you turn 18.

[Weekends]

I get 'you could have had one of your own' all the time. My daughter (adopted) is my own!

I think the OP was meaning a single person and their family that might not live with them - my sister is definitely part of my family and that's why I say I had a family before becoming a mum.

Trying for a baby amuses me too!

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

It’s a bit twee a saying for me but perfectly legitimate. If you asked me pre kids who my family was I would have said my sister, niece, nephew etc - even though I was married- my husband and I IMO aren’t family. Maybe it stems from “you can’t pick your family”, my relations and me will be linked forever, if my husband and I split we wouldn’t be.

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

@AskingforaBaskin That's great for you, congrats on DS! If those feel that a family includes their spouse or partner, but not kids, that's fine too IMO

[MikeUniformMike]

The phrase 'trying for a baby' is a bit cringe.

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

Yes, @Weekends that's exactly what I meant, thanks! My wording isn't always perfect, especially after a glass of vino!

[2155User]

I couldn't get annoyed about something like this if I tried.

And I couldn't think of anything more annoying then someone who quite literally makes a mountain out of a molehill.

[OddBoots]

Is family hierarchically above couple or individual then?

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

@MikeUniformMike Funnily enough, I don't mind this. "Falling pregnant" I'm not so keen on!

[DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]

Having kids is starting a family though.

When I had kids I started my new family.

It doesn't mean I didnt have one before, just that I have now created my own branch on the family tree as well as being part of someone elses branch.

[Hardbackwriter]

But a single person has a family but they haven't started a family, have they?

[BobFleming]

Meh. Having kids is starting a family. I don't think of a couple as a family.

[TypingoftheDead]

Family doesn’t necessarily just mean “people with common ancestors” though. We’re all related in that sense, if you go back far enough (I don’t mean Adam and Eve, but right back to when life itself began).
Unless you’re really into doinking your existing relatives, other people have to marry in; you can’t then say your spouse isn’t family!
You also can’t say an adopted/step child isn’t family.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

We’re all related in that sense, if you go back far enough so every single person on the planet is your family?

[GinDrinker00]

YABU.
Let’s stop with this stupid political correctness bullshit. Can’t say anything these days without someone taking offence.

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

@BobFleming To me, my DP is definitely is part of my family.

I feel like the context of the question "When are you going to start a family?" is clumsy, because it often makes those without kids feel like they aren't already part of a family.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Starting a family means exactly what it says, or is not ambiguous in any way.

A couple is not a family, they are a couple
If a couple get a puppy, they are still a couple not a family (unless they are dogs themselves)
A single person without children is part of their parents family, they have not started their own family

Starting a family is having, whether through birth, adopting, fostering etc, and raising children.

Wish folk would just leave perfectly ok descriptive language alone.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

because it often makes those without kids feel like they aren't already part of a family really?! I didn’t feel not part of a family before having kids. There’s bigger issues if someone makes this jump

[DollyDoneMore]

Cats are not part of your family, any more than your dining table or the eggs in your larder are.

[Sparklesocks]

As an aside people shouldn’t really ask couples if they’re going to start a family (or however you prefer to word it!) if they haven’t declared it themselves, as you never know what is going on behind the scenes.

[wildcherries]

@OddBoots

Is family hierarchically above couple or individual then?

As a single person that's the impression I often get ...

[Phrowzunn]

I agree with PP - to ‘start’ a family is to create a new branch as it were, it doesn’t imply you don’t already ‘have’ family, it’s asking if you are going to ‘start’ a new one, as in, procreate.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

YABU. Sounds like you are really nitpicking this phrase in an effort to be offended. Family can mean anything- it could mean adopting kids etc
If you view family in such a narrow manner, thats on you not them.