"Starting a family"

[Whenthemoonhitsyoureye]

I think that this phrase isn't very well thought out at all. To insinuate that one can only gain a family once they have kids is a huge oversight, and could also can be offensive or frustrating to those who can't or don't want kids.

• Someone's idea of a family might involve:

• Four kids; amazing!

-Their partner and 2 cats; also a fabulous idea.

• A single person, content with their immediate family; Great, go for it.

AIBU to think that people should think twice before using this phrase in everyday conversation?

[SerenDippitty]

Being pregnant used to be called "in the family way".

"Family man" is another one. Can you be a family man if you haven't produced offspring?

[FraughtwithGin]

I think the phrase "starting a family" is rather twee. Didn't it used to be "having children"?
Also, if you start a family do you also end one?

[strawberrypip]

what a weird thread. how anyone could possibly be offended by that phrase is beyond me. if you are bothered by this enough to start a thread on it I can only imagine your reaction to things that are actually an issue

[howaboutchocolate]

It isn't about the definition of family, it's the definition of "starting a family", which means something different.

You can be part of a family without having started a family (ie produced/raising the next generation).

I work for a company, I am part of the company. I did not start the company.

[SnuggyBuggy]

See I didn't feel like a family with DH until children, people will feel differently about this

[Gwenhwyfar]

[quote BabyLlamaZen]@Gwenhwyfar yeah! So what's the issue? Kids or no kids?[/quote]
The person above posted just one definition and gave the wrong impression. That's the issue.

[muststopeatingfroyo]

I agree. I have a family already - DP and the cat. I'm soon to give birth to our first child which will change our family a lot (understatement?!) but doesn't mean we weren't one before

[BabyLlamaZen]

So is it alsoc offensive for someone to get married and say "I'm starting my family".
It also tends to mean multiple people. Dont get the hate tbh. Maybe it's more the tone of people who are saying it being nasty?

[BabyLlamaZen]

@Gwenhwyfar yeah! So what's the issue? Kids or no kids?

[Gwenhwyfar]

@BiscuitLover3679

Family (noun) a group of people living together with common ancestors.

No one is saying you should or shouldn't be having children, it's just the definition of what it means

"1.1A group of people related by blood OR marriage."

[BabyLlamaZen]

What is creating a family? Starting to have children, buying a new pet, getting a long term partner you move in with? They all count. Why can't we use that phrase?

[Candyfloss99]

@sammylady37

What a nasty piece of work you are. Saying how dare a family without children even try to compare themselves to the family with children. And putting family in quotation marks. I guess if you need to exclude and put down others for your family to feel special or better than other people’s families then so be it. Why don’t you go around telling women without children they’ve never experienced true love like you have given the run of infertility bingo you’re having so far on this thread

There are lots of people like her about though. People who think bearing children makes them special and superior. They have a proper family, you see, everyone else is just playing at having one and secretly wishing they had children of their own. They’re usually the ones who start sentences with “as a mother...” or as I saw recently “mother here and...”. They seem to define themselves by the fact that they’re a mother and see no other role or worth for themselves in life.

So true.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I have children and I would not describe us as a 'family'....huh?!

Jesus, talk about over compensating

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

I have children and I would not describe us as a 'family'....huh?!

[Thisismytimetoshine]

There are lots of people like her about though. People who think bearing children makes them special and superior. They have a proper family, you see, everyone else is just playing at having one and secretly wishing they had children of their own. They’re usually the ones who start sentences with “as a mother...” or as I saw recently “mother here and...”. They seem to define themselves by the fact that they’re a mother and see no other role or worth for themselves in life.
This is paranoid bullshit 🙄
It's a well established phrase that has never been considered "offensive" before, because it's not.

[BiscuitLover3679]

Family (noun) a group of people living together with common ancestors.

No one is saying you should or shouldn't be having children, it's just the definition of what it means

[Gobbycop]

Oh no, someone somewhere might be offended.

YABU.

[Toothsil]

People get so easily offended these days!!

[sammylady37]

What a nasty piece of work you are. Saying how dare a family without children even try to compare themselves to the family with children. And putting family in quotation marks. I guess if you need to exclude and put down others for your family to feel special or better than other people’s families then so be it. Why don’t you go around telling women without children they’ve never experienced true love like you have given the run of infertility bingo you’re having so far on this thread

There are lots of people like her about though. People who think bearing children makes them special and superior. They have a proper family, you see, everyone else is just playing at having one and secretly wishing they had children of their own. They’re usually the ones who start sentences with “as a mother...” or as I saw recently “mother here and...”. They seem to define themselves by the fact that they’re a mother and see no other role or worth for themselves in life.

[roarfeckingroar]

I think that this is another example of policing speech and frankly I would roll my eyes internally if told off for using the phrase.

[PositivelyPrecious]

Also feeling pretty sorry for your poor husband @Pumpertrumper given he doesn’t even get a mention in your family description. How sad for him.

[PositivelyPrecious]

@Pumpertrumper What a nasty piece of work you are. Saying how dare a family without children even try to compare themselves to the family with children. And putting family in quotation marks. I guess if you need to exclude and put down others for your family to feel special or better than other people’s families then so be it. Why don’t you go around telling women without children they’ve never experienced true love like you have given the run of infertility bingo you’re having so far on this thread

[JammyHands]

I've always hated the phrase 'starting a family' to mean 'have children'. It sounds like a complete hangover from the Victorian era, when people were coy about mentioning pregnancy. My family is me and one cat and that suits us both fine.

[Pumpertrumper]

@PositivelyPrecious

Everything I’ve said is in defence of people having children being ‘allowed’ to use the phrase without being labelled cringy or offensive. Im not trying to stop others using the phrase. Be a family with your DH and pet that’s fine. Trying to say you’re exactly the same ‘family’ as DS and I, I find hard as I personally wouldn’t pass comment on something I haven’t experienced.

I simply explained why it’s a logical phrase, why ‘starting a family’ would make a lot of sense when referring to having children and obviously it does because it’s a massively used and widely accepted term for procreating. If you felt my defence of this was an attack on your personal circumstances I apologise.

My issue is that, as per usual, people with children aren’t the ones complaining ‘well she said it about getting a cat and that doesn’t count!’ It’s people without children doing the whole ‘they said they’re ‘starting a family’ and I find that offensive because I’m a family with my cat!’

Just live and let live! Call yourself whatever you want be whatever family you want but don’t get pissy when a young pregnant couple say ‘we’re starting a family’ they aren’t saying it to be offensive.