To stay friends with her?

[Okeefe]

BIL (dh's brother) has broken up with his long term girlfriend. She ended it with him out of the blue and moved out the house quickly. He's absolutely heartbroken about it all but she says she just fell out of love and couldn't pretend anymore.

I met her because she was his girlfriend, but that was 4 years ago and we've become very close since. Refer to each other as auntie to each others kids (her dc has a different dad, not BIL) My DC is only 1, so won't remember her as such. DH wants me to cut contact because he's fuming about how badly she's hurt BIL. I feel for BIL, but she's my friend and I don't see why as an adult, I need to cut her out of my life because of somebody else. She wasn't in love anymore, she did what she had to and it's sad but they'll both move on.

BIL said to DH that he knows I won't cut her out but that it'll really hurt him if my DC grows up calling her auntie, and if he still has to see/hear about her through her friendship with me. DH told me of course that wouldn't happen as I'm loyal to my family and is now annoyed that I'm saying otherwise.

AIBU?

Of course, you should stay with friends with her! It's nothing to do with your brother-in-law or your husband. You don't need to update either of them about what's happening in her life and if your husband chooses not to socialise with her, he doesn't have to. As for what your children call her, I should think that's established already. Anyway, broken hearts mend - they weren't together all that long and your brother-in-law probably have someone new in his life before long.

Sorry, just seen that your child is a baby. Even so, nothing to do with your brother-in-law how your child addresses your friends - and it's not as if he'll be there to hear if he doesn't like it!

Anyway, broken hearts mend - they weren't together all that long and your brother-in-law probably have someone new in his life before long.

They were together for four years. I'd count that as long.

Back on point though, he can't control who you are friends with.

Stay friends with her. He’ll meet someone else.

Stay friends with her. Things will settle, your DH is just on the defensive because his brother is hurt at the moment. BIL will get over it in time.

Stay friends, I have a brother 10 years younger than me, when he was a lot younger I have remained friends with his ex girlfriends, he was wild and a pita, I just said to them, they'd had a lucky escape

Stay friends but cut out the 'auntie' nonsense. And seen as husband isnt a fan of hers now it night be wise not to bring her round your house. At least for a while.

Sorry, just seen that your child is a baby. Even so, nothing to do with your brother-in-law how your child addresses your friends - and it's not as if he'll be there to hear if he doesn't like it!

I think it's been established that the OP's dc is too young to care, but, I think that, as the ex was likely only being referred to as "Auntie" because she was BiL's GF, he would be entirely reasonable to object if that continued.

OP, I would maintain the friendship but be sensitive to your BiL's feelings and not rub his nose in it.

Of course you can stay friends with her!

Having your kid call her auntie is a bit much and is unnecessary. And I would hope that you’d have enough sensitivity not to be talking about her to BIL.

DH is free to dislike her, to be fair. But not to try to get you to end the friendship.

None of you are being unreasonable, it's just a difficult situation. I get the BIL wont want her around or still to hear about her but that will fade over time, plus I dont see why he would necessarily have to see or hear about her. I would just keep it very discreet while things settle and feelings become less raw.

I would definitely stay friends with her. She hasn't treated him badly. In fact, she's been honest and made a clean break, which is the respectful and kindest thing to do in the circumstances. She fell out of love, it's not a crime. What else was she supposed to do, live an unhappy life to avoid upsetting him?

I'd cut the auntie stuff, she's not an auntie and she never will be now so it's unnecessary and your child will know no different.

I'd also be mindful of not mentioning her around BIL, just out of tact and kindness really.

But no way do you need to show some sort of mafia-esq 'loyalty to the firm' and cut her out.

I love my brothers girlfriend. They've been together five years and my children call her auntie (though they are marrying soon so she will actually be auntie). Unless she treated him like shit then I wouldn't cut her out if they split and that's my own brother. I also still speak to his ex-girlfriend, we have coffee once in a while. Because we're mature adults and it's nothing to do with me!

I would definitely stay friends with her. She hasn't treated him badly. In fact, she's been honest and made a clean break, which is the respectful and kindest thing to do in the circumstances. She fell out of love, it's not a crime. What else was she supposed to do, live an unhappy life to avoid upsetting him?

I'd cut the auntie stuff, she's not an auntie and she never will be now so it's unnecessary and your child will know no different.

I'd also be mindful of not mentioning her around BIL, just out of tact and kindness really.

But no way do you need to show some sort of mafia-esq 'loyalty to the firm' and cut her out.

I love my brothers girlfriend. They've been together five years and my children call her auntie (though they are marrying soon so she will actually be auntie). Unless she treated him like shit then I wouldn't cut her out if they split and that's my own brother. I also still speak to his ex-girlfriend, we have coffee once in a while. Because we're mature adults and it's nothing to do with me!

Oops sorry, dupe post. It said it failed!

Think about if it was you who’d been dumped, would you be happy for a sibling to still hang out with them? Your kids still call them uncle?