Is DH being unreasonable about his job?

[Boogienight]

DH works in a large shop as floor staff but for the past few weeks he has been reassigned to working in the warehouse on the cardboard bailer.

He resents this as he likes to be on the shop floor working among and chatting to his colleagues as opposed to being "stuck in the warehouse by myself" - his words.

Every day he comes home he's complaining about it, whenever he's getting ready for work he's complaining about it. I'm worried that his obvious resentment will manifest in him having a bad attitude at work and facing disciplinary/losing the job. He has already said he and the manager do not get along and he has lost two jobs in the past ten years.

It is highly likely he is on the autism spectrum and I'm as sure as I can possibly be in the absence of a formal diagnosis, so this complicates things somewhat.

That being said, he's not at work to socialise or choose what tasks he has but to do a job and earn money to contribute to the mortgage.

AIBU to think he's being childish and needs to just suck it up?

I try to be sensitive to the ASD factors but I find I'm consistently concerned about him losing his job which would have a knock on effect.

We're not professionals, neither of us earn a great deal of money so the two incomes are absolutely imperative.

I hear all the comments being made about your dh behaviour and many sound valid but.....

..... if my job was to work on the shop floor I would be pretty annoyed if I was then shunted off to do a completely different job. What is his actual contracted job?

what does he want you to do about it if he wont help himself by asking a imple quesiton of how long

I had this happen to me - where my role was basically 'rewritten' without my agreement, and yes, it pissed me off mightily. I also had my hours changed without my consent (working same number of hours, but different start/finish time). When you have a job you know and enjoy, and suddenly management come in and tell you you're doing something else, no right of reply, it's tough.

Can you encourage him to see the positives in the job he's now doing? Can it be better in some other ways than the shop floor but he's not seeing the positives because he's so bound up in the negatives? Does it have better breaks, better opportunities to do something else?

Or, he can do what I did. Find another job and then take great pleasure in quitting and telling them why!

What were the reasons for your husband losing his other jobs?

Perhaps he could at least ask if others will be expected to take a time in the warehouse until the employee returns?

One thing my husband is currently enjoying about wfh is not having to listen to anyone at work say anything negative about anything or anyone!

He’s not being unreasonable as his job has been changed with no information as to how long it will last. It doesn’t matter how/why the personality conflict developed between him and his manager, he won’t get any help going to the manager and saying anything could make it worse.
If I were you, I’d encourage him to do as best as he can while looking for another job. Sometimes it’s better to keep your head down and your mouth shut and vote with your feet.

just nod op, let him let off steam
many of us are having uncomfortable changes in our working life.

I have an ex who got themselves in similar situations.

Luckily I didn’t rely on them for financial input, but when you had seen him lose more,than a few jobs due to bad attitude and the inability to button it when he wasn’t happy with something. i totally get that feeling of a knot in your stomach as you can see the situation start to turn and history repeats itself. And suddenly he’s back home slumped in front of the tv. Yet again.

Im not surprised you are worried OP it’s such a stressful situation, like a slow motion car crash that only you can see.

And for those saying ‘be supportive‘ I tried that. Didn’t work, it just encouraged him to be a dick because he became even more convinced he was right.

@BlingLoving

I hear all the comments being made about your dh behaviour and many sound valid but.....

..... if my job was to work on the shop floor I would be pretty annoyed if I was then shunted off to do a completely different job. What is his actual contracted job?

Most contracts have a final paragraph that says something along the lines of 'any other duties that are deemed necessary for the business'.

I do suspect that he's been put in there because he would be capable of doing the job and they don't actually want to fire him because they suspect he has ASD, but can't stand him around them and talking at them all day every day. His feelings for his manager are probably reciprocated 100% by him (and most of the shop floor staff, in all honesty).

I think that pointing out the relevant section in his contract (as I'm pretty sure it'll be there) and saying 'yes, it's crap but it's in your contract they can do it, so you're just going to have to suck it up or find a new job which will say exactly the same in the contract without you having any of the protection your current place gives you for being there for such a long time' is the only way to handle him.

I work too yes, not retail but I have previously so i can appreciate it can be frustrating.

With regards to his last job I only have his version of events and I'm not sure I've been given the complete truth but he says another member of staff did something to him supposedly in jest (throwing something) and refused to apologise when he asked him to. It escalated into raised voices and swearing on both sides - on shift - and they both lost their jobs. It sounds very childish I know.

Because he doesn't have a formal diagnosis he doesn't feel comfortable disclosing the ASD to his managers.

Unless you know him well and understand his personality and ASD traits he can appear rude and dismissive when he's feeling stressed/upset.

He isn't good at conflict resolution of raising an issue if he has a problem with something so his modus operandi is to stonewall or be standoffish.

I've reiterated again this morning that he needs to have a chat with his manager and find out how long he's going to be working in the warehouse but he doesn't want to.

From what im told the manager isn't very approachable and is a bit of an arse, that's an opinion shared by multiple colleagues and not just DH.

He's very high functioning and unless you know about autism you wouldn't spot it in him.

It took us having children who turned out to be on the spectrum for us to make the link and then alot of his ways made sense.

I don't think they will be suspecting he's anything other than neurotypical.

Do you think he might have been taken off the shop floor for a reason ?

Forgot to add, manager hasn't pulled him up on him talking too much no.

But then if he had, DH wouldn't necessarily tell me that as he would be embarrassed.

So you don’t mind him coming home and complaining but it’s more of a concern that he might do something at work which will lead to him losing his job?
That sounds fair enough. Sadly not everyone enjoys their job but if they need the money and they aren’t being asked to do something completely unreasonable or dangerous then they have to suck it up and get on with it. A polite request to return to other duties ASAP is fine but anything else is a bit risky

@SteelyPanther

Do you think he might have been taken off the shop floor for a reason ?

I can't think of one, unless he has been talking too much and distracting others from work which he said definitely isn't the case.

The warehouse bloke has been signed off due to injury and the role does need to be filled. DH does have experience in working with bailers. It's probably not personal at all and just a case of him being allocated a job that they know he will be able to do efficiently.

I don't mind him complaining no, I'm happy to listen and advise or just be a sounding board if he's stressed.

The worry is purely whether he's like it at work and it ends up costing him his job and affecting our finances/stability.

Perhaps he should asking why he has been put on that duty. Perhaps the manager needs the more productive members on the floor or maybe he is a general distraction.

Moaning or getting in a huff isnt going to achieve anything and will only go to show the manager made the right decision. He needs to ask for a casual chat and find out the reason behind this. I will add that a good manager should have set out their reasons to begin with.

I agree completely, unfortunately he's completely adverse to having that conversation. He refuses to be proactive about discussing it or asking for clarification with regards to how long he'll be in the role and whether he'll be returning to the shop floor at any point.

This is why I'm frustrated, because he won't have the conversation with his manager.

As mentioned by a PP, he holds a grudge when somebody upsets him or he feels as though he has been wronged so he won't go and talk to the manager at all.

Sounds like you need to get involved and explain how management works. They get to make the shots and employees have to jump. If hes unable to grasp that concept then there is no chance of resolving this.

I have ASD and ADHD and need some sort of stimulation or I'd honestly end up losing my marbles. I go for jobs where I can be myself (customer facing roles, teacher, activities coordinator) and if I was moved away and isolation it could cause some serious depression/anxiety. I'm also a job hopper and have to reign in impulsive decisions regarding work.

Ask him to speak to his manager and see what can be done. If he is too chatty then he needs talking to about this, not just placed out back. If it's a business needs thing then a timeframe could really help him and he could maybe try some strategies to get him through. Podcasts/conversation based radio got me through many stock takes and Christmas deliveries!

Just read your update OP. He doesn't sound willing to help himself, in that case I'd tell him suck it up.

Surely this work issue has to be discussed with the manager,whether he likes the manager or not. Otherwise, he will remain unhappy, complaining lots,and not know anything.

Yep quite. He's not helping himself so can't be helped.

I can just see resentment bubbling away and suspect it'll end with him being in trouble for his attitude or the way he speaks to the manager (who until now hasn't got the faintest idea that DH is miserable)

We are very different people in that I'm a problem solver and will look to communicate whenever there's an issue, he bottles things up and just gets increasingly annoyed until it comes to a head and he looks unreasonable.