Doormat v assertive v let it go

[Binny36]

I just want to get opinions on something I really struggle with: if something really bothers you such as a neighbour issue (like it did to me today) and you vent to people (husband and mother) and they reply “oh just let it go! It’s not important” How do you know whether you’re being a doormat or being really difficult? Or whether it’s time to actually be assertive and say something? I’ve struggled with low self esteem and doormatty behaviour most my life!

What happened? That helps to gauge your reaction.

I think it's perfectly fine to voice when something makes you unhappy. That can be done tactfully eg Neighbour, you did this, it's impacted me by /it made me feel xxxxx. In future it would be great if xxxxxx

So:
issue statement
Impact on you
What you would like to happen

Then move forward and let it go.

I find that by raising small things that really bother you as they occur, stops you ending up going off like a banshee over something trivial that is the last in a long line of small things. That makes you look unhinged and over reacting.

It's a good question....
I suppose whether you feel doormatty or noble about letting something go depends on your own feelings...
Does depend on the exact situation.....

I'm going to follow this thread because I'm the same.

At the time I feel it's justified to be upset/pissed off etc. But because of my low self esteem I keep questioning myself until I am powerless to raise my concerns.

I find writing it down does help. Makes it clearer in my mind before I confront the issue.

It’s just been a build up of many things they’ve done over the years. I can’t make it too identifiable but just a few things: their kids broke old fence (my fence) by swinging and kicking heavy footballs in - I didn’t say anything, I put up a new fence which they painted next day and paint splattered all over Patio and seeped into my side- I didn’t say anything, parts of this new fence broken due to football - again I haven’t said anything. Yesterday they’ve attached planters all along the top which I can see. Husband and mother keep telling me to put up with it for the sake of friendly relations. but my question when do I stop being a bloody doormat and expect sone respect for my property? They obviously don’t give a shit. It’s my property and they could just ask and I would have said yes but I feel they are very rude and that’s what grating on me the lack of respect of asking me first.

Hm I would complain about the footballing if it continues anyway...
Sometimes it's less stress just to let things go. Does it matter about the paint and the planters really?

I know I’m feeling more stressed as you can tell I’m still awake! That’s my usual take in life just let it all go as it will be more stressful for me. But why couldn’t they just send a quick text saying “hope it’s ok we’re gonna attach something to your fence”. It’s actually illegal to paint or attach things to neighbours fence without asking first. I think because in these situations I would ask and not just do like they have gets me.

I think it’s wrong for them to have damaged one fence and now repeat the same behaviour again and cause damage to the replacement fence.
I really think you should say something because it is unacceptable. Plus the paint seeping through and going on the patio is not on, they didn’t even ask permission beforehand.

Next time they complain about anything give them a patronising look and say 'just let it go'. People who say let it go get on my wick, but maybe I should just let it go....