Aibu for feeling this way?

[Whateverittakes18]

Ex and I share our beautiful 18 month old dd.

Ex went 4 months with no contact with our dd, no video calls, not asking how she was. The reason for this was because he had been emotionally abusive towards dd and I told him until he sorts himself out all contact needed to be supervised he didn't like this and decided to go nc.

We went to court, ex is now getting supported contact with dd weekly but given the amount of time that has passed dd is understandably distressed after each visit. I've asked that he does video calls during the week with dd so she can get used to his voice seeing his face etc instead if going a week with no contact. He has said no not until she can speak to him and communicate during the calls. During the week he still doesn't check to see how she is doing and has only been since we've gone to court that he has asked about her development etc.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling annoyed at the lack of interest that he seems to have with dd and the fact that I feel because of this lack of interest more emotional abuse could arise in future?

Can you contact the CAFCASS officer who has been dealing with your case? Don’t run your ex down just outline your concerns and ask if it’s possible for your ex and dd to have contact in a contact centre (supervised by a neutral person - not family).

Courts tend to take the stance that he may be a bad partner but that doesn’t make him a bad dad. Court needs to know that things haven’t moved on and a baby is distressed with contact arrangements as they stand.

fuck. that.

no one who treated or treats my daughter in such a way would be seeing her. wouldnt care what any judge said - fuck the video calls OP. dont initiate contact unless he does and truly hope he doesnt.

I grew up without my real dad and was just fine. your daughter will be too

I agree - there's no way I'd let me daughter be in his sole care and would do anything I could to keep him away from her. He should be locked up, not encouraged to see her.

@strawberrypip @HollowTalk, honestly every part of me feels to not send her for contact but I've been told the judge I have hates unreasonable mother's and what I also don't want is for the judge to decide to change residency. It's messed up and feels like I'm taking the lesser of two evils.

Exp will want to see dd on his terms to continue controlling and punishing me, I think/hope he will disappear at some point but that is when he is done with game playing me.

@PennyinmyPocket I considered contacting my cafcass officer but not sure if she could even do anything. Contact centre would be ideal and that is what I had asked for. I completely understand the bad partner v bad parent but when I'm telling the judge ex threw water in dd face and that I've got proof I don't know what more they need aside from dd getting physically harmed.

And without a doubt I know dd would be fine without her dad especially if he is never willing to change. She is such a happy confident little girl and since contact started again her speech has taken a huge knock and while she is happy between contact there's things she'll get upset about. Stuff like she hates going in the car now as you can tell she thinks she is going to see her dad, even going to the park she dislikes