To be fed up with these group chats now?

[Lizzie523]

I have been friends with a group of women for years. In recent years we have spent time together as a group very occasionally (one or 2 trips every year, for example, as we live spread out). I became particularly close to 1 friend while we lived closeby and I am going to be maid of honour for my other friend. All of our dynamics are different.

Mostly we take separate trips together as and when and have separate friendships/chats outside a group context.

When lockdown started we made a Facebook group for all of us and have done video chats ever since. Now the one to one friendships have dissolved and we only ever talk on this group chat now. It's always 'when are you all free to talk??' and to be honest I've had enough of it for now.

I just want to go back to our 1 to 1 friendships with occasional overlap/group chats.

Am I just being precious and sensitive? Not sure how to say this to them really without sounding petty.

Would it be a big deal if you did?

I mean, how would your friends respond if you tried to chat to them individually?

I actually did try this with one friend. We had tentative plans to meet up this weekend but they have now reverted back to the group chat asking to have a call instead. We live 20 minutes apart!

It's one friend in particular that is pushing the calls. They seem to have developed a bit of a fear of going out. Meanwhile I want to see my friends again and am done with staying inside for video chats.

I hate group chats. I got stuck in one at the start of covid, I only knew half the people, but they mostly knew each other. My friend, who added me, then told me off for lots of things I said (including just mentioning morning sickness!) being potentially upsetting to people in that group due to fertility treatment on hold. Why put a pregnant friend in a group where they may not mention it, and not tell them?! Bizarre. I then got told I was being negative because my DH's granny died and for saying I broke a mug, apparently another member had "requested positivity". I left, and lost a lot of respect for my friend! I'm now in no group chats except work ones, individual is the way forward!

I feel the same way @ticktackted. I'm in multiple video calls for work every day. Now that I can see people and be in the great outdoors again that is where I want to focus my time. I can't understand this desire to continue with video when we can meet now?

That group requesting positivity sounds awful btw. Cult like. It's a bloody pandemic! Its not all sunshine and roses.

@Lizzie523 honestly I was so angry! I was like... I am pregnant and it's wanted but it is hard, the very loved grandmother is dead, and the mug is broken! It's just actually what's happening! Want me to make shit up for you?! It felt like other people's feelings were greatly prioritised over mine, which I thought wasn't especially kind.

Sorry OP didn't mean to derail, yours is a bit different - it's harder when it's all equal friends! Hopefully things will get more normal now things are easing. I've seen friends for coffee & food outside, as well as for walks. What happens if you suggest that?

As I said most of us are spread out geographically. One friend is close (the friend I am closest to) and she asked me last Friday night to see me that weekend. I already had plans.

I then suggested this weekend and she said yes, she is free either day.i asked her on Tuesday of course, which day? She has ignored this message and been on the group asking us to all chat again online this weekend I actually held off confirming my other plan for her so it's a bit annoying.

I think I will gently have to say I'm spending more time outside now and will be in touch when I can.

Oh that's really annoying. Yeah, sounds like the only way forward really, until she's ready to organise herself to see you :-(

She has now apologised and said she is struggling to rmake plans because she is too stressed with various things.

She also said she is not comfortable meeting at my place (although I live alone and been isolating all this time) so meeting up is dependent on decent weather as she wants to go a walk. She has suggested a day and said let's see what happens with weather.

She is being madly cautious is she not? She is my best friend and I havent seen her since late February. I miss her.

If you want to phase out the group chats, wait until the day of it and make your excuses with a cheery "but please go ahead with out me, and see you at the next one!". Do this a couple of times in a row and you can then drop off completely.

Oh one of the friends on the group contacted me separately today! I have hope 😂

As I say my friend driving the chats is very anxious about meeting in person and i now suspect I'm not the only one that could take or leave these chats now. I'll go for the phrasing out route...

Hooray! There's hope. I'd say your best friend is being over-cautious, but everyone responds differently. A walk somewhere neural could be a good start!