AIBU to wonder how you first notice if a person has Alzheimer?

[Eagly456]

I am just wondering, have a relative (86 years old) who tells me the same thing over and over again.
Often little things from her youth/childhood like “when I was a child my mother used to bake cherry cakes as soon as the cherries were ripe“. I mean I don’t mind. I just wonder if it is a bad sign.

I'd say it was anxiety and getting in a fluster over what used to be normal things, then some depression and withdrawal, then repetition and forgetfulness.I
My DM is 69 now and has advanced Alzheimer's, it's so sad.

A horrid thing to say, but about six months in to this escalating behaviour she passed away in sleep, in her favourite armchair from a heart attack. I was devastated, but equally so relieved that she'd escaped it.
Not horrid at all. I wish this had happened to my Mum and hope it goes that way with me if I should end up getting it. Developing Alzheimers is my greatest fear.

I agree it more odd behaviour than memory recall.

I know someone who got up in the middle of the night to walk her dog thinking it was daytime. She didn’t realise until she was out in the middle of the forest in the pitch black. She knew then something was wrong and she was diagnosed shortly afterwards. She told me this herself in the early stages and it was so sad how self aware she was.

My mum has always had a tendency to repeat the same story, even when we were little, so when she started doing it more often a few years ago, we initially thought it was just a side of her personality coming more to the fore as she aged.

But in all honesty, looking back, there were plenty of other signs. One of the biggest was when she started to get confused about routines she had carried out for years. She would suddenly ask me questions about when she should take her statins, or when the bins should be put out etc. She also asked me where the doctor's was, even though she had been going there for 30 years.

The strangest thing was when my children found a big, brand new teddy wrapped in cellophane when they were plundering, sorry playing, in her bedroom. She had no memory of where it came from or how she came to have it. I panicked a bit, thinking she might have stolen it (totally out of character), but in all honesty there was nowhere she could have taken it from because she had stopped going anywhere but the local shops and none of them sell toys. It remains a mystery!!

With my Nanna it was a change away from her prim and proper ways. She never swore in her life, as far as she was concerned the word blast was as bad as the word fuck. She was always nearly dressed and hair done to perfection. I was in the car with her one day with her and my 2 year old. When she called someone who pulled out infront of me a fucking twatting tosser I knew something was wrong.

It's still a great insult to use though when people pull out infront of me, just not with the kids in the car!

My mum had always been a bit of a one for needing to get to the right word for things - like asking for 'one of those things you write with', but she lost all her nouns very early on in dementia. But the defining moment for me in knowing something was really wrong with her was when she shouted at ds (then about 14 months old) for chewing the zip on his cardigan. She was the most gentle, patient soul, and in all her teaching career a colleague said that she'd only ever got to mildly annoyed with someone. So shouting at a toddler was massively out of character for her.

In the early days gran kept forgetting what she needed from the supermarket when she got there (she didn’t really use lists beforehand) so she would end up guessing. We came to visit once she had 6 tubs of butter in the fridge because she kept forgetting she already had it in.

My elderly MIL now has very advanced dementia. However, when we first knew there was something wrong - about 8 years ago - it was mainly forgetting things and telling you the same thing repeatedly. In her case it could be within minutes of telling you once she would repeat herself.

Looking back though I think the signs might have been there a few years earlier with her getting disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings. On a couple of holidays when we were with them she would get confused about the layout of the holiday cottage we had rented. Fair enough at first but this would continue for the whole fortnight and she still didn't seem to have properly grasped her way around it.

A very early sign with my mum was her repeating questions and conversation within a few minutes and sometimes within a minute. That was her short term memory on the way out. I see much less of my mum than my siblings do because they live much closer, but it was me that noticed the first changes because there was a marked change from one visit to the next. Easy to miss if you see them all the time and it's a gradual thing.

Also times of stress are a real trigger. Not long after we suspected something was wrong my parents moved house and my mum was awful, particularly on moving day. Nothing seemed to stick in her mind and she was very snappy and confused.

All our fears were confirmed when she started calling at the back door for the cat that had died years ago.

As for the "lies" I know that she has huge gaps in her short term memory now and I think her mind tries to fill in those blanks with stuff that just didn't happen. I've no idea if this is a conscious decision or not.

I do wish my dad wouldn't try to correct her all the time though. He makes it ten times worse than it needs to be and seems to have no self awareness at all. I can cope with my mum quite easily, but my dad drives me insane. He's more worried about going into a home himself than he is about her and refuses all outside help, but then doesn't bother to make sure she eats properly. I'm really worried about her physical health.

Gosh that was an emotional dump. Feel better now.

Just to add that my mum is very resistant to the idea that she has dementia. I'm honestly not sure what she has been told, but she frequently erupts and shouts that we all think she mad and she isn't. She talks about other friends who have dementia, but doesn't relate it to herself at all.

Finally diagnosed 5 years after the initial doctor's visit.

Are there 7 dementias (Alzheimer's Disease, vascular, Lewys Body etc.)? And sometimes the diagnosis is only made by logging how quickly somebody deteriorates.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/about/

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia

I had a couple of relatives with alcohol-related dementia - they declined very quickly and could retell stories within minutes of telling them and several times in the same conversation. Another relative with Parkinson's was stable for a while but declined rapidly thereafter.

MIL had always been a bit eccentric, a hoarder, and prone to to many repeated reminiscences of her youth, but the real worry point for us was when we were visiting her once and she referred to one of our DDs as a lovely girl, but asked why had we brought her? Was it as a favour to her parents? She was taken aback when reminded that she was our daughter and asked if we were sure.

@Eagly456 I have a (very intelligent and very capable) friend who has never been able to red a map, or tell left from right without a lot of thought. But my mum used to do all the mapreading then she just couldn't, before anyone would acknowledge there was a problem. I bought my dad a Satnav in the hope hat would mean they could still travel around independently, but my Mum is very confused and annoyed by the disembodied voice disrupting their conversation.
The brain is a weird and wonderful thing. Watching the pattern of her decline is like watching aspects of child development in reverse. The strange 'getarounds' in language to try to describe something she doesn't remember the name for, the inability to recognise relative values of money or time, taking things literally, getting obsessive and repetitive over one thing for days.
However, she had her hair cut and set this morning, so she is very happy!

Sorry, posted too soon!
Deterioration has been slow and taken many years for MIL who is now quite a severe case.

Dementia is a horrible condition; robs us of people even when they're still with us.

My father's car broke down and a garage talked him into buying another car instead of repairing his. My father's a stereotypical mean Scotsman so this was profoundly unusual behaviour.

Since then he's started losing his directions. Forgetting conversations. He gets flustered and panic-aggressive. He's denying anything's wrong. But it's getting quite bad now.

A horrid thing to say, but about six months in to this escalating behaviour she passed away in sleep, in her favourite armchair from a heart attack. I was devastated, but equally so relieved that she'd escaped it

I don't think it's a horrible thing to say at all, @EnterNight. My DM was so anxious about her (perfectly healthy) finances, she was perpetually distressed and would ring me daily, sometimes more than once, really upset about money and afraid that she wouldn't be able to pay the rent and that the council would evict her. She had no quality of life.

When I accompanied her to the doctor so he could sign the paperwork for power of attorney, she asked how long she had left to live. He told her that she was physically very fit and could go on another 20 years. My heart sank and my first thought was "I can't cope with another 20 years of this".

Mercifully for both of us, she died within 6 months, of something entirely unconnected (pulmonary embolism arising from a DVT).

It's a bloody cruel disease. For the family, it's like being bereaved twice. First you grieve for the person they used to be (a very intelligent, capable, independent woman, in my DM's case) and then again when you lose them for ever.

@knittingaddict

Just to add that my mum is very resistant to the idea that she has dementia. I'm honestly not sure what she has been told, but she frequently erupts and shouts that we all think she mad and she isn't. She talks about other friends who have dementia, but doesn't relate it to herself at all.

My MIL was like this - really resisted going to the doctors and eventually went only after a referral by the optician who spotted a bleed. Never accepted she had dementia. It was well explained once by a doctor, it is not a form or denial (where someone really does know), it is that the brain does does not process that they have dementia

Looking back, I think mil had dementia for a good 15 years before she was officially diagnosed. Fil covered for her and of course mil hotly denied anything was wrong.

The first signs were, well, randomness - ringing up to ask what you wanted for your birthday - in June when your birthday is in January. Deciding that a trip to John Lewis to buy a waste bin is urgent on Boxing Day. Then, as others have said, personality change - getting angry and aggressive over nonsensical things, or accusing people of stealing and hiding things.

I think mil had dementia for a good 15 years before she was officially diagnosed. Fil covered for her and of course mil hotly denied anything was wrong.

One of my sisters had a similar situation. The FiL was thought to have become very controlling (he'd become paralysed) and quite unpleasant in the way he was ordering the MiL around. After his death, it rapidly became apparent that the MiL had progressed quite far into dementia and this was probably his way of issuing micro-supervision.

OTOH I asked a family member about some of her DH's behaviour that I thought was a bit worrying. It triggered a family row that last years (it was interpreted as criticism rather than concern.) It did signal a problem and he was diagnosed 20 years on, they still refuse to speak to me.

MIL became unable to cope with large numbers of people, even family events where she knew everyone. She found it all completely overwhelming, could not keep tabs. She also got worse than she had been at remembering where she had put her handbag/ keys/ stick/ the dog lead/ her shopping - things she had put down two seconds ago or two minutes ago or 20 minutes ago. She couldn't find bank statements etc when she'd always been on top of her admin. She also got argumentative about things that rational thought would have told her she was wrong about (age of car, that sort of thing).

Sympathies to anyone dealing with this. The person has gone long before they die.

Embarrassing, I had similar. Mentioned to BIL that MIL seemed to be getting very scatty and forgetful and vague and he went off on one about how she was just busy and preoccupied. Luckily it didn't cause a rift but he didn't want to face it (and I don't blame him).

we didn't link it to Alzheimer's at first but the doctors told us it is often the first sign: loss of smell. My nan would burn toast, food, leave the iron on and would not smell a thing. but that is hindsight.

@dairyfairies

we didn't link it to Alzheimer's at first but the doctors told us it is often the first sign: loss of smell. My nan would burn toast, food, leave the iron on and would not smell a thing. but that is hindsight.

You've just explained something. My Aunt did very similar, we did wonder why she couldn't smell burning things.

My friend's dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers at a youngish age. He was just 60 but she said looking back there were signs. He was a lifelong supporter of the local football team and had been to all the home matches since his youth. She said one Saturday he was very late coming back and said they he had forgotten the way home.
I think repeating a story isn't a bad sign as such.

Confabulation is the term many people are looking for

www.healthline.com/health/confabulation