To think my DP has just undone all my hard work

[lucyellensmum]

I am so with dp just now. I had real problems establishing a bed time routine for dd. Basically i spent over a year having to sit up with her until she fell asleep as she wouldnt settle herself, so there i would be hanging off the end of our bed, often til after 11pm to get her to sleep, basically i had no me time. I get over this after a long struggle, not cc but a sort of gradual withdrawal, dd adapted really well and was happy with bed time routine a big cuddle and she would settle himself.

She has not been well so the other night dp did relent when she was asking for him and went and slept with her. LAst night he went out, i settled her really quickly, always much quicker when he isnt here!

Guess where he is tonight?? I have had a tough day with her, basically he precipitated a tantrum which i could have averted and i ended up having to shout at him as his pandering was making her worse. So when i put her to bed, she is asking for daddy (he goes down after stories and i give her a bottle and settle her), i go back and explain what we will be doing tomorrow (always works but she in shit moood) it was sort of working but she started crying for dp, i said, please just leave her a few minutes and i will go up again. Nup, he goes up, i say, please just give her a cuddle, tell her what we are doing in the morning and leave her - that was over an hour ago, they both asleep now - grrrrr.

He is making a considerably large and uncomfortable rod for MY back!!!

I am really bloody pissed off i used to get so knackered laying up there and then get no time to myself at all to wind down in the evening. Now im too bloody mad to wind down and some time with him would have been nice.
Now i can see the whole bloody cycle happneing again.

He is absolutely ruled by her, its ridiculous, he more or less begs her to do stuff if she doesnt want to do it, i will try and persuade but sometimes you just have to be tough and make her do what needs to be done etc otherwise she is going to know no bounderies and basically end up a spoilt brat. I always think spoilt children seem so unhappy so i do want some bounderies for dd.

I know he is just a big softie daddy who ADORES his little girl and i love him for that, but he is not actually doing her any favours by indulging her demands in this way.

There but for the grace of God...
My dp is your dp's long lost twin

nah he has made arod for his own back because he'll be doing bedtimes from now on.

Yes, fingerwoman, that is exactly right, and that is what i told him this morning too - i said, oh well, wave goodbye to his evenings as that was IT!!He looked as if i had just told him that george bush was being offered the nobel peace prize. He said, nah, its just because she wasnt well - oh yeah?? He has NO idea . AND of course that means i can spend my evenings getting up to no good on mnet

But then this morning, you know what she had for breakfast, fecking bloody milky bar - OMG, is that man such a pushover??? Um, yes!

Agree that you should say that he can do bedtimes from now on! If he wants to spoil all your hard work then let him deal with the consequences!

I know he's just a dad who loves his little girl so much, but I totally agree with the way you see all of this. As parents you need to be a team and set the same boundaries. Then there will be no more crying for daddy because dd will know she gets the same response either way. Not surprised you're angry!

Best of luck

I agree that it's very sweet that he loves her so very much, but I do agree it's an important issue that for MOST of the time at the least, you present a united front.

I think you need to tell your dh that this is for your DD's benefit; if she gets very different treatment from him, all it's teaching her is to become manipulative; and that is not a nice personality trait, and not something that any parent would want to be doing to their child.

i feel quite strongly about this as a child I know is like this and I think it's a criminal waste; she could be such a sweet little girl but her parents have given her this manipulative streak because of the way they've dealt with her.

just to update, i spoke to DP and pointed out to him that HE was risking losing his evenings and that we needed to keep up a routine for DDs sake, she settles so much better on her own, when i was laying with her she would be awake until almost midnight and be irritable and tired during the day. He agreed and we presented a united front the past few nights, a few wobbles but it looks like the status quo has been restored. Credit to DP there then He really is a wonderful daddy, we are very lucky.

Fantastic. Result!