half sister AIBU

[Stressed22]

Found out I have a half sister years ago and whole family have met her since. She seems nice, but I don't have much in common with her. DF's developed a relationship with her, and I'm glad their making up for lost time. I've tried to make an effort to contact her over the years but sometimes don't get a response. DF keeps pushing me and other siblings to make contact with her - to the point where he keeps asking us to comment on her social media posts and the like - then sulks if we don't. I'm tired of him trying to force the relationship. I told him as much and we had a row.

It is hard to build a relationship when you didn't grow up together and don't have a lot in common now. I would ask yourself - do you want a relationship with your sister? Your answer to that question really dictates what you do next in terms of effort. Your father should not be forcing the relationships but if you look at this from his point of view you might understand that he is likely trying to make up for lost time and likely has a lot of complex emotions around the whole issue (maybe even guilt for not knowing or not doing enough). Instead of posting on social media maybe make plans to call every so often or send holiday cards. Explain how you too are trying to wrap your head around it and the more you are forced, the less natural it feels and you would like any progress to go at a pace everyone is comfortable. That you aren't there yet and if it happens, it is going to take time.

Don't humour your DF in this. Just tell him you've tried and you have no common experiences or shared interests and it would be really false to pretend to be close, but you are quite happy to be civil if he wants to invite you all on a day out together (assuming you are). And if he keeps going on about it just keep telling him he can't make things work just because he wants them to and neither can you.

Your dad needs to back off and leave you to it. I don't think you've done anything wrong here OP.

That's tough, but for a second imagine how she feels - presumably growing up without a father and therefore without one half of a family. Must be overwhelming to suddenly have so many people contact her! Your dad probably feels guilty and wants to make up for lost time that frankly you'll simply never get back. It's hard to start as adults

DF cant force a relationship. Sounds like you have made a an effort, but its not reciprocated. Have you explained this to DF?

You can make contact with your sister if/when you like, but why one earth does he think making comments on social media would be the way forward??? I assume you are all adults and not teens?

Maybe DF feels guilty for loosing contact/not making the effort himself over the years? Did he ever mention this daughter when you were growing up? Sounds like you only 'found' her recently.

He shouldn't be forcing HIS lack of effort on finding his daughter on you guys though. You might be more useful replies on the adoption/separated families boards for those with experience of this too.

He's projecting his guilt onto you; separate yourself from this. Your relationship with her will develop at its own pace as you choose. I speak from experience.

I say hi to mine if I see them in the street (never do) and wish them a happy bday / xmas on fb that's about it. I care for them but no bond. I'm in my 30s and met them when I was 15.

And I'm the one who grew up without a dad not knowing them all (they lived with him). Do what's feels right OP.

Tbh, if either of my parents had pushed me into a relationship with the siblings I grew up with, even then, I'd be a bit miffed that they were interfering.

YANBU. It is unfair for him to push this. It might be nice if you had a relationship, but far from essential.

My dad left my mum before I was born. I’ve never met him. If he came into my life now (unlikely!) with other children I just wouldn’t be interested.

He needs to accept you’ve tried and it can’t be forced.

YADNBU

I have two HS. I met one of them once as a teenager. I'm not bothered. Like you, ive not had any relationship with them and have completely different lives. I've never even met the eldest. Just because you share DNA it doesn't mean you have to be besties. This is your dads relationship, not yours. It's his fault (and the mothers) that the relationship is as it is