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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to cope with little or no social support

2 replies

Eggbot1 · 10/07/2020 01:17

DH and I have very few friends. I've made a special effort since DD (3) was born to make "mum friends" and now have a few ladies who I can call on for a chat and playdate. It feels great but these feel like acquaintances rather than friends. We hardly know anyone locally and certainly no couples that we could call friends. DH has even fewer friends than me but is close to his DB and we have a good relationship with them. DD adores her cousins who are 6 and 10. They have recently moved back from living abroad so we do have more contact with them. I have in the last 2 years gone no/low contact with my siblings and parents after various conflicts which I won't go into. My mum is refusing to speak to me and ignores the few text messages I've sent her.

I've found the last few months utterly traumatic - first the lockdown then the working plus covering childcare and the cherry on the top is the distinct lack of social support from friends and family - again, with friends it's because they don't really exist and with family it's because of the issues/conflict/indifference in particular from my side of the family. I've spoken to DH about it and he says he'd love to have more friends but then he doesn't seem to do anything about it and is generally a very introverted person. I am miserable mostly and always exhausted. I know I should be happy and focus on DH and DD who is my absolute joy but I feel so isolated, even ashamed of myself that we have very few sources of support and friendship. Obviously the situation with my parents and siblings compounds all of this.

AIBU to feel so helpless and feel that life is so hard with so few friends and family for moral support? Or should I just cheer up, be grateful and to keep trying to make new friends? What is life like for others who might be in the same position?

TIA

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 10/07/2020 01:27

When my DC were little, I had few friends and no family support.

It got INFINITELY better when they began school.

I made a big effort to get to know the other school Mums and after a few weeks...might have been months I can't remember, I asked them all if they'd like a night out.

They all wanted to join in and it became a regular thing. We didn't paint the town red or anything but would go to the local pub on a Friday night sometimes...about once a month.

We'd all get a bit merry and have a great laugh. This evolved into family camping trips with our kids and DH's.

We never travelled far to camp....just locally. But it was great fun.

Now I've moved to another country but I remember those times fondly.

When your DC starts school, try to volunteer for a few things and have a whole class party for your child...that's a good way to get to know Mums who work and can't do pick ups.

AIMD · 10/07/2020 19:08

I’m really sorry you are feeling this way. I think this period of time has been really difficult for a lot of people. I think relationships take a while to develop and it can be hard to move things on from acquaintance to proper friendship. It sounds like you have some nice relationships already so maybe a focus on them and things you can do with them would help:

Maybe focus on the acquaintances you have (and like) and nurture them so they might grow into long term friendships? If you only have play dates maybe suggest something different lie a space day or games evening to get to know them in a different way. Can you link in with friendships through DB?

I know what you mean though. It feels very lonely not having a very big support network.

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