AIBU to ask my partner to get help for sleep apnea

[justanotherone123]

Does anyone have any advise?

His sleeping or lack of is really affecting his health.

Has he actually been diagnosed with sleep apnea? Withings do an excellent sleep monitor that might be worth investing in that measures sleep, apnea, snoring etc. It's not a wearable so won't disturb him - you wouldn't know it's there

Do you have children? Ask him if he wants to see them grow up!
www.healthline.com/health/can-you-die-from-sleep-apnea

What is his objection to being assessed? Is he concerned about having to sleep in a mask or being told to change his lifestyle?

DH has a type of sleep apnea. He did a sleep study at a sleep Clinic and then diagnosed. He was snoring horrendously but more scarily he waking up in a panic because he couldn't breathe. Please get this checked out as it can be very dangerous.

Its very dangerous! Why doesnt he want screening?

He has adult children and yes I have asked him that question.

He has never been assessed as he is very embarrassed about his weight. I've tried to tell him that doctors see people of all shapes and sizes and that they are there to help not judge.

Having read the symptoms he definitely has it. Stops breathing for over 30 secs then when his body kicks start his breathing again the noise is horrendous. Tired all day and quite often falls asleep during the day.

It frightening when I wake in the morning and hear silence in the house. I think he dead.

He tries to diet but fails. I make low cal meals but he snacks during the day to stay awake. It's a vicious circle.

The difference a CPAP machine made to my life was incredible.

Added to which - sorry to be blunt - he's significantly less likely to kill someone - himself or others - in a car accident.

Wearing a mask to sleep is not pleasant but you can get used to it quite quickly.

He has never been assessed as he is very embarrassed about his weight.

If he is very overweight then he will be told to lose weight. Losing weight is the single most effective thing he can do to remedy this.

Tired all day and quite often falls asleep during the day.

This is worrying. Does he drive? He could lose his licence unless he does something about it.

DH has sleep apnoea. He has had a stroke as a result of it. In his case the doctors are mystified as to why he has it as he is underweight. He now uses a CPAP machine and gets a decent night's sleep (and so do I)

I'm sorry, but your partner needs a kick up the backside. He needs to get his head out of the sand and seek help from his GP.

I have moderate sleep apnoea which is treated.

He will not be told to lose weight by the sleep clinics, they treat the issue in front of them. At most he might be given a leaflet, however my clinic didn't.

Tell him :-

: Even thin people can get sleep apnoea.

: Having untreated sleep apnoea will be part of the reason that he is over weight. As people who are woken up frequently every hour are far too tired to stick to the best meals and exercise.

: Untreated sleep apnoea can literally kill you. Carrie Fisher died of untreated sleep apnoea :(

: It is illegal to drive with untreated sleep apnoea. He could kill himself and others. Or in a minor crash his insurance will be invalid and he might end up with losing his license.

: I found the mask a doodle to use from day one. Better to get heated hose, dehumidifier and mask liner. For better comfort. And ask your sleep clinic to check the ramp up pressure with you before taking the machine home.

: Don't drive until the sleep clinic agree you can.

: Don't inform DVLA before you get your forms ready and sent in. Otherwise it can take months to reinstate your license.

: Get the sleep clinic to fill in the DVDs form saying you are fully compliant with your bupa machine, for you to return to DVLA. This way DVLA will let you keep your license.

I did the above and I didn't drive for two weeks from the point the sleep clinic told me not too. Until the letter saying I could drive arrived.

Best of luck with your husband. It really is worth his life to get this sorted.

Sorry about the various side effects my pain killers make me dopey.

Spelling mistakes...I give up.

My DH has sleep apnoea. He was diagnosed by a sleep clinic. He has the cpap machine and can still drive.

Honestly, it's made a huge difference to my life as well as his, he no longer snores which kept me awake. I have a better quality of sleep.

Please ask him to get help, they honestly don't care about weight.

@Worrysaboutalot did the mask liner come with the mask? DH finds the mask uncomfortable, and it often slips at night. He has had major GI surgery and is underweight as a result, and cannot put weight on. His face is very thin which is why he finds it difficult to find a mask that fits snugly.

I have severe sleep apnoea but the cpap machine has made an immense improvement to my life. I know feel more alert after 6 hours sleep than I did with 12 without my machine.

I have very severe sleep aponea, and spent years not being treated (I've had it since I was a child), the difference a cpap made was amazing, I realised what other people meant by a night's rest!

If he has SA then losing weight etc is nigh on impossible without having cpap treatment - there is lots of documented evidence to show how incredibly difficult it is to lose weight when you have SA.

SA is incredibly dangerous to his heath, and the list of things they think is linked to SA is growing, including blindness, strokes, HBP, dementia as well as the usual weight related issues.

There is no shame in getting it treated and it's really easy now - completely different to when I was diagnosed and told to just live with it!

Plus when he's having treatment, he's far more likely to lose weight.

@Ginfordinner I wrote a long post to you and lost it, lol.

I will try again tomorrow.

My DH had a near fatal stroke and this was directly linked to his previously undiagnosed and untreated sleep apnea.

People do not realise how serious and damaging to health this condition is.

My DH was also overweight but as soon as he started sleeping properly, he was able to lose weight and exercise. Prior to his stroke, he was living off energy drinks just to keep awake and could barely make it through the day.

Your GP will refer your DH to a sleep clinic and they will monitor him overnight.

Definitely encourage him to follow this up with the gp and ask for referral. My DH has sleep apnoea and it literally took me years to persuade him to seek help. He was most influenced by our adult daughter who works in respiratory medicine, but once he had been to a sleep clinic and been told he stopped breathing multiple times every minute, he finally believed there was an issue.

He is overweight but that was not discussed, he was fitted with a Cpap and it has changed both our lives. I sleep well because I am not being permanently wakened up by the snoring, he sleeps well and is awake in the evenings.

He had been inclined to fall asleep as soon as he sat down, occasionally even at his desk. Interestingly his mental health is also better than it has been for years.

Push him into referral for his own sake.

@justanotherone123

He has adult children and yes I have asked him that question.

He has never been assessed as he is very embarrassed about his weight. I've tried to tell him that doctors see people of all shapes and sizes and that they are there to help not judge.

Having read the symptoms he definitely has it. Stops breathing for over 30 secs then when his body kicks start his breathing again the noise is horrendous. Tired all day and quite often falls asleep during the day.

It frightening when I wake in the morning and hear silence in the house. I think he dead.

He tries to diet but fails. I make low cal meals but he snacks during the day to stay awake. It's a vicious circle.

I have been to a sleep clinic (for a more unusual condition), and I was the only non-obese person there, so he won't be out of place.

My husband’s obese workmate (who also happens to be related in a roundabout way to my mum) has it. He has been given a mask to help at night. We are all convinced it’s the only reason he’s still about. He used to regularly miss work on account of his physical and entail health but since getting the sleep mask machine he’s had only one sick day and that was for a stomach bug.

DH is the only non obese person at the sleep clinic as far as I have seen.

Losing weight is the single most effective thing he can do to remedy this.

Agree with this, DH was dreadful with this until he lost a significant amount of weight. I know not everyone's is caused by weight but it seems the vast majority are.

Good luck. Lack of sleep is bloody awful.

Can I jump on and ask a question for those who have it please? I have been sleeping so so badly over the past maybe 12 months. I snore all night, making myself and my husband miserable, and I do this sort of massive loud snort thing which wakes me up. Does that sound like sleep apnea? I'm so bloody tired. Also quite overweight.

Yes it does.

When DH was monitored it was discovered that he was having 50 non breathing episodes an hour.

Get him to go to the doctor. And tell him people of all sizes get it and not be embarrassed. My husband is so skinny and has it. Very quickly after going to the doctors (within weeks) he got one of those machines to help him breathe during the night.

And tell him people of all sizes get it and not be embarrassed.

This ^^

I have just read that 60% of patients woth sleep apnoea are obese, but the other 40% aren't.

But:

During sleep, when throat and tongue muscles are more relaxed, this soft tissue can cause the airway to become blocked. Excess body weight contributes to sleep apnoea by causing increased pressure on upper airways, leading to collapse and decreased neuromuscular control from the fatty deposits. Neck circumference greater than 17 inches for men and 16 inches for women raise the risk of both obesity and sleep apnoea

untreated obstructive sleep apnea can lead to serious complications, including cardiovascular disease, accidents, and premature death. So it's important that anyone with signs and symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea especially loud snoring and repeated nighttime awakenings followed by excessive daytime sleepiness receive appropriate medical evaluation.

I hope reading the above will help your partner realise that he needs to contact his GP.