To ask for help how you reduced breastfeeding if baby feeds for comfort before naps and bedtime?

[Pastaalldaylong]

Baby is 10 months. Never taken a bottle. Does take a very small amount of milk (25-100ml) now from sippy cup but then still always needs a breastfeed before naps or bedtime to wind down.
Occasionally rocking works but more often ends in her arching her back and not settling down until I BF. I'm back to work soon and am starting to worry about how she will nap during the day as she's only ever breastfed to calm down for it.

She still wakes up 2-3 times a night for a feed and I'm worried that if she doesn't nap well during the day then nights will get even worse. Any practical steps to reducing feeds to just morning and evening? Thanks

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Both of mine went to nursery at 6 months when I went back to work. I expressed. They took very little but ate pretty. well. And they napped just fine. At home we carried on with bedtime BF until about 13 months old when I weaned them off it (I now wish I'd carried that on much longer).

They know when they're in a different situation and they adapt.

As pp said I wouldn't worry too much. My little one went to child minders still breast fed to sleep for naps and bed time wouldn't take a bottle or a dummy and she was fine.

She's cuddled to sleep by the childminder when she's tired and now asks to go and lay down showing she's tired, but still gets up for a cuddle.

Honestly it's much better someone else getting them to sleep than us who breast feed them.

We knocked the feeding to sleep on the head by daddy doing two weeks of bedtime and now we rock her to sleep in the chair. Next step is to get her to be drowsy and put her in the cot.

Oh and my baby was and still is an absolute boob monster but she learned to drink out of a non spill cup with a straw

Oh and my baby was and still is an absolute boob monster but she learned to drink out of a non spill cup with a straw

@pointythings that's interesting about wishing you had carried on much longer. Is there a reason? In my head I'd hope that by 12 months I'd be down to morning and evening and then begin to reduce those too soon after. (No idea how mind when it's all she has ever known!) I suppose I'd like a little more freedom back.

@Phillymouse how old is your little one? My husband often works late so isnt usually around for bedtime so I wonder if I could stop feeding to sleep myself. Also, did you notice a difference in night wakings after you stioped feeding to sleep?

Pastaalldaylong I was one of those who found BF really easy. I was also not someone who was that interested in going out, at least not while they were little. I could happily have carried on with first thing and last thing until they were 2 or 3 and not noticed the difference. DH wasn't big on going out either. But I had this idea in my head that I 'ought' to stop. Nonsense, I know now. It would have made no difference, my body had a routine that worked.

@pointythings

Pastaalldaylong I was one of those who found BF really easy. I was also not someone who was that interested in going out, at least not while they were little. I could happily have carried on with first thing and last thing until they were 2 or 3 and not noticed the difference. DH wasn't big on going out either. But I had this idea in my head that I 'ought' to stop. Nonsense, I know now. It would have made no difference, my body had a routine that worked.

Yes I understand. In 10 months I've left her for 3 hours four times. I suppose its just the thought of wanting to go out for dinner with friends perhaps without worrying that she wont go to sleep etc. Also I wonder if she would sleep better at night if she qasnt feeding to sleep!

The sleep is a bit of a read herring. I BF both my DDs, to the point where neither ever had any formula at all. DD1 was the perfect sleeper - she would go 10 till 7 from 10 weeks old. She made up for that with separation anxiety hell around age 2, but that sorted itself too.

DD2 - same parents, same BF, same routine. Did not sleep through until almost a year old, she needed two feeds a night. And she really did need them, would drain both sides in 15 minutes and then conk out again. They're all different. Formula isn't a magic bullet for sleep either, plenty of my FF friends had non-sleepers.

I stopped breastfeeding my first at about 15months, it didn't stop night waking, it just meant I couldn't feed him back to sleep in the night so he was more disturbing to my sleep. It did mean my husband could put him to bed, but it took longer.

I'm still breastfeeding my nearly 3yr old, I was worried about how she would cope with nursery as she fed all the time, but she was fine and as others said she napped for them no problem. On the days she doesn't fall asleep feeding it takes an age to get her to sleep, which puts me off stopping. I night weaned her at about 2yrs old and that stopped her waking in the night for milk, but I still feed her to sleep and she sleeps through most nights.

So in my vast experience of 2 children, waking in the night isn't linked to feeding. And if you don't have a husband home to share bedtimes you might just be making it harder for yourself. Obviously your child might be different and if you want to stop then absolutely do, but I remember when I stopped feeding my first nothing changed (including my tiredness, which I'd hoped would be better) so don't do it just for that reason.

She wakes a lot at night and that will be very hard on you when you go back to work. Remember that the fore milk is quite light and thirst quenching and the hind milk is more fatty. It might be good to introduce sterile water durning the day as she may simply be thirsty. At night it might be worth a shot to stretch her time. When she wakes don't feed her immediately but change her nappy etc (taking your time) before feeding her. Even a few minutes delay really helps. With that delay she may nurse for longer getting the fatty milk and then sleep for longer. Having her awake or aware when she is going into the cot and going to sleep can be helpful too. Stay with her and have whispery chats. There is no one size fits all but I found that these elements helped me with my babies.

I realise I didn't answer your actual question. If you want to stop the nap feed you need to fully commit (giving in just makes it harder next time) and probably accept it will be tough. I used to cuddle my son while he cried and tried to escape or put him in the sling with a cover over the top to block his view and then bounce around until he gave in. He did stop expecting milk for it eventually, but he was always a reluctant napper (who really needed the sleep) so it was always a bit of a battle.

I second giving her a little water. As for comfort try to see if you can get her to go a bit longer each time. Cuddle her, distract her, blow a big raspberry on her neck! She will get over it.

For a really long time, I think maybe up to about 10 months, I was feeding DS to sleep at night. Naps were all in the buggy or a bouncy chair. We introduced a night bottle to cut my feeding time down from 40 minutes to 10 but I did still need to feed to sleep afterwards.

We only managed to stop this by taking me out of the bedtime routine. DH would do a story and bottle, then drop him off into the cot while still drinking, take the bottle when done, rub DS's back and then do the gradual retreat thing. It took a couple of nights but was so worth it!

It's meant I can keep breastfeeding without feeling tied to bedtimes - I just feed in the mornings at 20 months.

@UnderTheSleepingBaby
Thanks - can I ask how you night weaned?
I totally get that- feeding to sleep during the night or for naps is usually such a quick fix and cant imagine how long it would take if I weren't able to feed her to sleep! It's just weighing that up against only me ever being able to put her to sleep/do the night shifts etc. Equally I dont want to then make it harder for her to sleep and then spend ages trying to get her to sleep again without feeding to sleep

@Harriedharriet I never really give her water during the day apart from with her 3 meals. Even then I try to limit how much she has as she seems to guzzle it down and I remember reading that breastfed babies dont need much extra water and od water intoxication etc scared me!

Hello, I fed until DD was 2. For naps/ nursery I didn't stress, they will have their own techniques to get them to nap and when you're not there your DD will be ok. For night times when I wanted to have a little more freedom , though in reality I never really went anywhere, I did the last feed away from the bedroom a little while before bed, so the link was broken between sleep and milk. Also DH put her down sometimes after the last feed. She adapted really quickly. When it came to stopping I just gradually cut out some feeds and used distraction if she asked for it, although I didn't refuse totally. Tried to make her very gradually forget about it over a month or so. Best of luck

I found once they started nursery and learned to sleep without BF, then DH could put them to bed as a one off. They'd usually then wake 10 pm ish hungry as they'd missed a feed but it did mean I could go out for dinner.

With dropping nap feeds, I found moving to buggy naps worked best for DC1. DC2 I couldn't do buggy naps because of DC1 so I kept feeding to sleep. Long term, feeding to sleep actually ended up being more flexible - she'd nap anywhere as long as I fed her, whereas buggy walks are a pain in the rain or if out.

I don't think you need to worry about this.

Both my DS's have been ebf and would (Ds2 at 2y6mo still does) use it to go to sleep, for comfort etc.

By 10m you should be able to go out for a few hours in the evening to enjoy a meal with friends. Your boobs might hurt from fullness; you can express into a loo (yes grim) to relieve the pressure if necessary.

I returned to work at 11m for both. They were fine though they did want feeding immediately when I picked them up, even when they'd just eaten a full meal. Ds2 will now wait till we get home 🙄

Who would you be leaving lo with? They will develop their own way of soothing them and it will be fine.

Sorry have just seen your DH isn't back til late. Do the last feed a while before bed.

Sleeping at nursery is like when you visit your in-laws and you sleep on the sofa. It's different but doable, however at home and familiar is best :)

I would just give it time unless you are in a hurry. Mine was naturally done to just morning and evening by about 13 months (with occasional night feeds), just bedtime feed by about 14 months, and then I stopped completely by 15/16 months. It just naturally happened on it's own. A lot changes in a short time, so I wouldn't worry about it too much now.

I night weaned by wearing pyjamas that had a higher neck and laying on my tummy to prevent access. I still bedshared with my son a lot at the point I did it with him, he complained but only for a week probably, and when he got properly upset, rather than just annoyed, I cuddled him and reassured him.
It was easier with my daughter as she was older, I explained to her and she raged the first night for about 2hrs, raged the 2nd night for about 10mins and just growled at me the 3rd night before accepting a cuddle (she wasn't waking everynight by this point, so those 3 nights were spread over a couple of weeks)

For all those who have successfully done this, did you increase daytime breastfeeds while dropping the sleep association or was it not a factor?

OP, hope you are finding your way!

If your baby is eating solids you can offer water? I always offer milk first but sometimes he does just want water. As long as you’re monitoring how much water they’ve had (I think there’s a recommended amount under 1yo) I don’t think it’s a problem.

I could have wrote this myself! I’m due to return to work in early September when my son will be nearly 9 months. Weaning is going well but he still heavily relies on the boob for comfort to sleep in the day, I work shifts so some evenings I won’t be back until 9pm. Also due to lockdown I haven’t been able to get him settled with childcare, I feel like I’m just abandoning him.

@Pastaalldaylong in my head I thought I'd be down to two feeding a day but at 18 months we re still going strong

Unfortunately I was blessed with an angel during the day but a gremlin at night and we re still waking five times a night but she does go through stages of only two to three.

If you're going to do it yourself (bed time with no booby) I would find another way of settling like a rocking chair for now as they're too young to understand what's going on. Be prepared for a few hard nights. I did our usual routine but gave one last big feed upstairs in our room then went to her room and rocked her. Hope it helps