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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DDs father has turned into a conspiracy nut

66 replies

Shinygreenelephant · 09/07/2020 07:44

I’m really at a loss what to do here. DDs father has always been a harmless idiot - not around very much and he smoked a lot of weed in the past, but he assured me never near her, and I never felt she was unsafe with him.

However, he has suddenly started sending me long rambling messages about how God has spoken to him and sent him on a journey to spread his word, and a lot of nonsense about pedophiles af the devil mixed in. He didn’t seem able to explain himself but begged me to watch a documentary which would “open my eyes”. I’ve watched it - it’s all about how the elite are Satan worshipping pedophiles, many of whom also eat children. There’s a lot more as well, including time travel, some racist ideas, anti vax stuff and all about how Covid is a hoax.

I’ve now looked at his SM - don’t follow him but it’s public - and he’s made comments on these conspiracy videos saying things like “this is the end of days” and “we must save the children whatever it takes” and “even if we die in the fight this cannot carry on”.

This has come out of nowhere and I can only imagine that the weed has finally got to him and he’s had some sort of mental break. He keeps saying he know he seems crazy but it’s the rest of the world who are blind and need to take the red pill. I’ve begged him to speak to a doctor but he won’t and is insistent that he is fine and it’s the rest of us who are crazy.

Am I being unreasonable to keep DD away from him until he gets some kind of help? I just don’t feel she’s safe with the kind of statements he’s making, and I don’t want her hearing stuff like this and worrying. She’s 11 and very perceptive. She only sees him sporadically anyway (once or twice a month) so I can put it off for a while without her knowing anything is up. Is that wrong? What would anyone else do?

OP posts:
FeedMeSantiago · 09/07/2020 09:54

I would keep DD with me - the talk of saving the children no matter what would worry me. Tell the school he is not to collect her and that only you can collect.

Keep all his messages as proof.

Do you know which GP surgery he's registered at? If so, call them and tell them you are concerned about a patient. They can't discuss his care with you, but they will listen (I have done this on several occasions for a relative).

I would also seek advice from mental health charities like Mind. Not sure what the process is for getting help for someone in a mental health crisis, but they will be able to advise.

babba2014 · 09/07/2020 09:57

Instead of labelling a conspiracy nut, why don't you check Bill Gates plans and his parents for microchipping via vaccines? Robert Kennedy Jr has all the info on this.
No point labelling people. If you don't agree, ignore but no need for labels.

Spied · 09/07/2020 09:57

Sounds like he's not thinking clearly and is unpredictable.
Keep her well away.

GreyishDays · 09/07/2020 09:58

Do you know what ‘saving the children’ entails exactly?

Bobblepop · 09/07/2020 09:59

Well look at the Jimmy Savile and loads of other cover ups. I don't smoke weed but there's definitely more to it than meets the eye. You can guarantee that the government is well aware of child sex trafficking and not don't much about it.

Although you always get extremes where critical thinking goes out of the window. I don't think he needs mental help, probably needs to chill out and realise not everyone's interested in what he is.

I agree, he's not alone in his interests BUT he's being extreme about it. Still shouldn't not let him see his child though.

shhhFFS · 09/07/2020 10:02

My DDs father also started doing this a few years ago, and we really phased him out, or rather he did quite a lot of that himself as his 'cause' took up a lot of his time. I don't know if drugs were a factor, we did not have a good relationship with him or his family after we separated so I wasn't able to make any positive intervention like it sounds like you might be able to.

It started with him going vegan (which is fair enough) then he stopped wearing shoes, then he stopped washing because the chemicals are poisoning us. It was all stuff I could mildly understand but he was going about it in an odd way. Then he started being anti-vax, anti-suncream, anti-cancer treatment etc, its all trying to poison us. Then he started with society and it being run by the elite, illuminati etc. Started being really following David Icke and believing the world is run by lizards. Decided he wanted to live 'off grid' so quit his job and tried to go and live in a commune. Was unsuccessful and as far as I know his idea of living 'off grid' is living in his girlfriend's house and not declaring it whilst living off her benefits. But that's another story.

More recently, he started a crowdfunding page to fund a trip for him to go to Peru to 'find himself'. That didn't take off, so then he started training to be a Druid and declared he would spend the next few years travelling around with his druid clan so wouldn't be around much for DD (isn't anyway, pops up about once a year) but I presume lockdown really put a dampner on that! Last time DD saw him he gave her a book about how the history we are taught and know is totally wrong and is what is fed to the masses to cover up for a superior alien race which rule us, built the pyramids etc and we are there slaves.

Like I say he hasn't been a big part of her life for a while, DD is now 14 when this started she was about 8. And I restricted contact because his ability to care for DD was hindered or blinded by his belief. For example, he didn't feed her properly, she came home once having only eaten raw carrots for 24 hours because he only believed in raw foods, he told her to stop wearing shoes (she stepped in dog muck), he allowed her to get sunburnt because he didn't believe in suncream.

Trust your gut to safeguard your child.

MulticolourMophead · 09/07/2020 10:02

@paap1975

Screenshots and consult social services and/or NSPCC for advice. Sounds like the weed may have got to him...
Screenshots is a very good idea.

TheBusDriver This is indeed a reason to reduce contact right now. I've seen weed induced phychosis in a relative, and if this father is heading towards that, the DD will not be safe. Better to reduce contact right now to evaluate what's going on.

MulticolourMophead · 09/07/2020 10:09

@babba2014

Instead of labelling a conspiracy nut, why don't you check Bill Gates plans and his parents for microchipping via vaccines? Robert Kennedy Jr has all the info on this. No point labelling people. If you don't agree, ignore but no need for labels.
Bill Gates is not planning to microchip via vaccines, this is a hoax claim, and has been debunked many times.

Also, patents are public knowledge, you can access them online. There are no patents for microchips in vaccines. You can, however, get a full schematic blueprint of the early atomic bombs, and try making your own, if you can get the materials.

Nandakanda · 09/07/2020 10:10

He might be right. I'd be surprised if there isn't at least something to these "conspiracy theories".

There again it might be drug-induced psychosis.

Fudgefeet · 09/07/2020 10:11

My husband walks a bit of a tightrope with this stuff too. He went through a phase about 8 years ago when it was very bad. I felt I couldn’t even be in the same room as him without a lecture and he was being sucked into all sorts of scams. The final straw was when he paid someone £500 for a piece of spaceship and was sent a bit of tinfoil glued to some card.
He still listens to ‘alternative’ news sources and while I agree with him that mainstream news can be biased and there is a lot of corruption in government I still need to remind him not to get too sucked in and if he feels anxious he needs to switch it off if only for his mental health. What is the point of being ‘informed’ if it makes you miserable and paranoid.
I hate the terminology used by these radio shows and websites, it’s very isolating and fear driven. The past month my DH has been having counselling due to lockdown and I feel that he is starting to realise that his distrust of authority comes down to his narcissistic father and the fear he put in to DH as a child.
He too used to smoke a lot of weed but thankfully gave up years ago. I’m sure it has affected his critical thinking skills which are key to filtering through all the crap that’s printed out there.

CityCommuter · 09/07/2020 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

julybaby32 · 09/07/2020 10:16

I would absolutely warn the school - I'm guessing your DD is in y6. It's not just the risk that he may pick her up at the end of that day, it's that he may try to collect her form school during the day, and if he has parental rights I understand it would be difficult to stop him from doing so. Maybe you would have to show the school screen shots to let them know it's not just you having a pop at him. I'm also thinking that maybe for her own safety you might have to have a talk about this with your daughter. Not bashing him but in terms of him not being mentally well at the moment and needing help. I'm sure that would worry her, but I think it she might be picking up stuff and worrying about it more than she'll let on anyway. An 11 year old is quite difficult to pick up and carry away against their will, but at the moment she might well go with him willingly, from what you say.

seonaseona · 09/07/2020 10:23

Weed isn't a dangerous drug!! Not to the vast majority of people anyway.

Aside from that, I think you are doing the right thing in stopping contact for a while. My ex is like this (no weed) and it's as worrying as it is tedious. It's the 'saving the Children' part which would make me worry enough to stop contact.

Yes to screenshots and keeping records, and speaking to his family.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/07/2020 10:32

Weed isn't a dangerous drug!! Not to the vast majority of people anyway.
That's what my stoner sister says. She also calls it a herb to justify her daily use. It's sad to see someone whose recreational use catches up with them. Awful mood swings, no motivation, stuck in a stoned rut.
Sad

EmpressSuiko · 09/07/2020 10:32

I’ve been dealing with this kind of crap to from people who don’t use any form of drugs or drink.
It’s madness, all about the mark of the beast, the pedophile rings, corona is fake, just a distraction from the true evil. It’s exhausting! Was the documentary a Netflix one by any chance?

magicmallow · 09/07/2020 10:34

I too have a close relative who is a heavy weed smoker and behaves and believes similarly, including having a psychotic episode.

I absolutely believe that weed is more dangerous than we are led to believe for the majority of people. The vast majority of the regular weed smokers I know have ended up with depression, mental health issues or generally societal dropouts. Don't underestimate the cumulative effects of years of even mild weed smoking (and I am an ex weed user).

Lilymossflower · 09/07/2020 10:37

@ohbloodyell

Please get him out

RichardMarxisinnocent · 09/07/2020 10:44

@babba2014

Instead of labelling a conspiracy nut, why don't you check Bill Gates plans and his parents for microchipping via vaccines? Robert Kennedy Jr has all the info on this. No point labelling people. If you don't agree, ignore but no need for labels.
If the video mentioned by the OP is the one I am award of, it goes way way beyond "Bill Gates is going to microchip us all". It claims many of the rich, famous and powerful, among them the pope, the Royal family, Obama, the Clintons, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, of being devil worshippers, paedophiles and cannibals. It claims Trump is part of a secret organisation which is going to save the world from the evil ones. One of the pieces of apparent evidence for this is that when leaving hospital after the birth of one of her children, the Duchess of Cambridge wore a red dress similar to one worn by Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby. Obviously concrete proof that Kate is a devil worshipper....

Now I don't doubt that there has been a cover up of (or at least turning a blind eye to) child sexual abuse, but the "world is run by devil worshippers and cannibals and Trump is our saviour" conspiracy theory is really extreme and obviously nonsense.

Shinygreenelephant · 09/07/2020 11:25

Thanks so much for all your advice. I’ve spoken to the school office who are passing it on to the safeguarding lead and have promised to ring me if her dad is seen at school - he would be very difficult to miss as she’s in a small bubble and very few parents collect their kids. I’ve also spoken to his mum this morning who said she’s very concerned about him too, totally supports me keeping DD away for the time being and has asked him over to try and talk him round. Not sure how successful that will be but I’m leaving it in her hands for now and unless he ramps up at all I will try and keep DD from knowing anything is up - she loves her dad and I don’t want her worrying. I’m also going to get some advice from Mind and the NSPCC. I’ve kept screenshots of all the messages plus comments on Facebook groups and am going to print copies out as well just in case. Hopefully his mum can sort him out though and it won’t have to go any further.

OP posts:
Shinygreenelephant · 09/07/2020 11:28

@TheBusDriver I have worked my arse off for years to keep their relationship going despite total disinterest from him, to the extent of buying birthday presents and putting his name on them when he forgot, and flying out to have her visit him where he was living because she hadnt seen him for nearly a year. The last thing I want is to keep them apart but her safety has to come first and I’ve heard too many stories of people killing themselves and their kids to ‘save them’ when they’re mentally unwell, and I will not take that risk

OP posts:
FeedMeSantiago · 09/07/2020 11:44

Well done OP. It's good that his Mum has noticed this behaviour too and is concerned.

He sounds very unwell and I hope he can get some help.

knittingaddict · 09/07/2020 11:46

Sounds like he's been red pilled by the Qanon crowd. I despair.

knittingaddict · 09/07/2020 11:48

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06hnyz7

knittingaddict · 09/07/2020 11:53

It's a fringe conspiracy theory group who are becoming worryingly more mainstream. It's got as far as the prime minister of Australia and many Qanon believers are in the process of getting elected to the US government and even worse people are voting for them. It's a load of old rubbish of course, but it does make you concerned about the level of people's mental health right now.