What do you do when at the end of your tether?

[copingnotcoping]

When everybody says how well you are coping but inside you are falling to pieces and don't know how to keep coping ? When the pressure is on at work to look after everybody else, to keep the house going, to support relatives who need you but you are letting down and another problem adds to the others and other and another. When it's just you taking the load and it's all piling on and there isn't another person to take any of the load and nobody to share it with even verbally. When it gets to the point where if somebody asks if you are ok then the dam will break so you just keep going and going and paper the cracks.

The first step was writing your post. We can all relate to the stress of life and how it feels like its all coming down at once. It sounds like you've had it really hard and have been trying to juggle alot. Is there not anyone at all to talk to in rl? Is there any of this commitments you cab limit down or get help with?

No there isn't, only people I work with. I was at work last night (casual work not my day job) and my boss asked how I was (knowing nothing of what is going on) and I was unprofessional and said I wasn't in a good place. I have to pull myself together and keep going but lord only knows how. Soon it's summer holidays and I won't be working in my day job just my casual job, I'm dreading it as then I won't have the big distraction of work.

I can't limit commitments as it's not really commitments but the emotional load of people who need me or whose worries I have to hold or process myself.

I wish there was a harmless version of self harm to take the tension out I can't scream or cry or I'll be overheard. I want to get this pain and emotion out but it just builds up and up and up.

I find loud singing can be helpful if I can't scream into a pillow. I also go for a run in the rain and scream then, nobody can hear or care. I also sob in the shower in if I need a release

I'm surprised that you think telling your employer that your in a bad way is something that you view as unprofessional though. I see it as my duty to make sure I'm honest with them.

It's not unprofessional to admit you're in a bad place. I hope my team would feel they could talk to me and we certainly encourage discussion. Don't worry about that.

By the way, the non harmful version of self harm is self care and honesty! Don't pretend everything is okay. Don't paper over the cracks. When someone comments on how well you're coping say 'It might appear that way but I'm actually really struggling with it all and could do with help on X,y and z. Then actually allow people to help you. Even in the the tiniest way. It probably feels like there isn't anyone to help but there will. When I'm really struggling I get very matter of fact about it with people. I found statements that are direct and clear are taken well. 'This grief has shot my short term memory, so could you please put that in writing for me?'

I just let things crash around beside me so to speak. Can you work out what your main responsibilities are and priorities and let some things go? You are not coping with it all so something will have to give. Can you delegate things to anyone else? Ask someone for help x

Could you go for a run? Then you'll be concentrating on breathing/being tired instead of feeling upset for a while. The endorphins will last a little while after your run too.

Do you have a partner?

No I don't have a partner
My work isn't the sort of job you can delegate, my day job I am delegated to and my other job is a part of a jigsaw one where we all do our bit, you either do it or resign.