DH parents haven’t met granddaughter

[Wingingthis]

Back story: Had a big falling out with DH’s (over the top and very difficult) parents about two years ago. Things have been very awkward since and we’ve seen them for both their big birthdays and Christmas but they never bothered to come to us and are very awkward when we go down there. We have a three year old twins, they live 3 hours away from us and DHs brother lives walking distance from them with his 4 kids who they see regularly.

We had our third baby a few weeks ago, whilst lockdown restrictions were still very much in place so understandably they didnt visit then but since then they haven’t even mentioned meeting their new grandson.

AIBU to not invite them? They have made no effort at all with my other children. If they asked to come of course I would say yes but they haven’t mentioned it at all.

I expect they are waiting to be invited. If relationships are difficult I think that would be ok under the circumstances.

I'd probably send a photo and tell them they're welcome to come and meet him and leave it at that.

The ball's in their court then.

Congratulations btw

I think maybe just ask them why they haven’t mentioned it.

I would leave it to your husband. If he wants to invite them he can do it.

Why haven't you or your DH invited them?

Usually you wait to be invited don’t you? I would not invite myself to someone’s house if they had a baby given the circumstance.

Are they generally showing interest in the baby, asking about them etc? If not then I probably wouldn’t invite them and would leave it to my husband to sort. I get fed up with friends/family that don’t make effort and prefer to focus on those who are as interested in us as we are them.

Expect they are waiting to be invited. Since had fallout and things are awkward - they are hardly going to invite themselves down.

Invite them round?

I would invite them and see what happens

I expect they are unsure about what to do:
Relationship is a little strained
Not all new mums welcome visitors in the early days
Covid means most families haven’t been to visit new babies and with the virus they might be reluctant to invite themselves in case you are worried about the virus

So I say , if you are ready for visitors then extend an invitation either formal or informal

I've been in the same situation - big bust up and tension for months. They didn't come over again until they were invited as I can only assume they didn't feel right broaching the subject in the circumstances. I'd just ask them - they probably don't really know where to put themselves.