12 year old son having suicidal thoughts

[Everythingnotsaved]

My lovely DS is really struggling at the moment. I have got a referral to a counsellor next week for assessment but I feel desperately worried about him. He’s very sad (his words) and has said twice that he wants do die but then after said he didn’t mean it. I spoke to doctor hence this process being started.

He talks to me a lot which is great & we are very close & I am doing everything I can to help but it’s really hard. I got very upset earlier when talking to him as obviously I love him and don’t want anything to happen to him but then he took that to mean that he makes people sad too.

Aibu to be so worried? I think his hormones are all over the place too as he’s up and down all the time. The slightest thing can set him off. I have got him a big life journal which is all about positivity too to try and give him a focus.

I am so worried I am beside myself - how common are these kind of thoughts in kids?

Of course you're not being unreasonable to be worried. Good God you wouldn't be a parent of you heart didn't feel ripped out and stamped upon.
My thoughts are with you. Thank God that you and your son have the relationship where by he can talk to you about his feelings. Not all parents are approachable. Your son has reached out to you because he wants the help and you're a good mum. You don't need me to tell you it won't be easy, though with his counseling. He'll have good days and bad days.
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Thanks- it’s so hard- it feels like it’s come from nowhere & i feel like I am trying to keep on top of it every day. Hopefully counselling will help him

When you're alone dont be afraid to let it all out and allow yourself to have damn good sob.

It's really good he's talking to you.

I think the best thing you can do other than a counsellor is to keep listening to him. Try and find out what is worrying him - is he lonely, bored, missing school, worried about grades / falling behind, being bullied / friends issues.

Is there anything he enjoys? Could you arrange something in the future linked to that. Like my son is 13 and he loves animals so we just did an alpaca walk. It's not a long term cure but sometimes if you can find things to get you through each day it helps and having something to look forward to helps.

It maybe worth letting his school know, they may have access to support. If he's up to it and will do it voluntarily exercise can help but I wouldn't push it.

If its schoolwork I would just stop it, tell school and just start summer early, his mental health is more important. Friends is a bit tricky at the moment but if he could talk / meet up with a friend that might help.

Hope he starts to feel better, its awful to feel that low. Do you have a pet? Both my children spend time with our pets when they are low and seems to help them. But just knowing you love him and are there for him is the main thing which you are.

The main thing he keeps saying is that he feels sad & he feels fat. He’s got lots of friends he’s been seeing etc & we’ve stopped school work to take the pressure off. I just want him to feel happy

You are doing the right thing by getting him help and are a good mum.

Poor little boy. Do you think it is depression in general or has a specific incident triggered this? Did you have any inkling that he was thinking this way?

There’s been tension at home too during lockdown between me & his dad & he said earlier that he feels it’s his fault as we argue about him. It’s not the case and I have told him that it’s never his fault, lockdown has been really stressful etc. I feel awful that it’s made it all worse too

My eldest has had suicidal thoughts. At the moment he is fine. He would also say that he didn't mean it, more to protect me than anything else I think. Lots of hugs for you. It's incredibly stressful. Have you been offered any support for yourself? I found I was forgotten, and a good friend booked a private counselling session for me, which was a massive help, and I now continue on Zoom.
My son was offered CBT, to manage anxiety, he seems through the worst of it now, but I worry that I have no idea how he is truly feeling, especially lately, his OCD is creeping back.
Please take some time for yourself, find lots of real life support and consider counselling to get you through it all

And do let his school know, they will put in a request that he is seen by social services as a safeguarding matter, but it will set the ball rolling and he will be seen quickly. They can also refer to CAMHS, which is quicker than your GP. If he says it again, please go to A and E, he will be seen by a psyche and receive help. .

And do let his school know, they will put in a request that he is seen by social services as a safeguarding matter, but it will set the ball rolling and he will be seen quickly. They can also refer to CAMHS, which is quicker than your GP. If he says it again, please go to A and E, he will be seen by a psyche and receive help. .

I had these thoughts a lot when I was around this age, and often on the point of acting on these thoughts. It was mainly related to bullying, and worries about sexuality, but yes mainly the bullying. I didn’t tell anyone.

I still remember thinking that the end of school was so far off I couldn’t imagine how I would cope that long. A year seems an eternity at that age.

I did eventually tell my parents and things got better. I am so glad that your son trusts you already to share his worries. That’s a really good thing, massively reassuring that he is looking positive for support and help

The ItGetsBetter campaign has a really powerful message that I can totally relate to for LGBT youth. I’m not suggesting this is relevant for your son at all, just sharing my experience and it may be relevant to others.

Of course you’re not unreasonable to be worried. Having said that, plenty of children express these thoughts and it’s good he can talk to you. It sounds as though both you and he are a bit overwhelmed. I strongly recommend you contact Papyrus, they are brilliant. papyrus-uk.org/

Also worth contacting his school to let them know as they may have support to offer and it will help them in September as well.

Good luck, OP, it’s horrible but papyrus will give you someone to talk to.

My brother became really depressed at a similar age and going to the gym (in particular lifting weights, running and climbing) really helped with mindfulness. Obviously can’t get to the gym yet but a rowing machine might keep him in the moment if he doesn’t want to go outdoors. Agree you should keep up with the GP referral and let thr school know.

I would check no-one is telling him he's fat or discussing weight a lot. Both mine (similar age) are quite oblivous to weight, only once we've had issues and it was other girls constantly asking DD how much she weighed. She's slim but she got worried then. I think other girls may have had eating disorders rather than bullying but it's worth ruling that in or out.

If he is overweight and no eating disorders or just wants to get fit then sports might help if he's up to that. Limited at the moment but running is possible or home exercise equipment think football might be OK now as well.

He has been running with me & doing Joe Wicks. He played football yesterday too & also went on a bike ride. His body is changing due to puberty & I keep trying to talk about that. A lot of his mates still look like little skinny kids but he doesn’t & that’s not helping at all

You are doing a brilliant job-he is talking to you and that’s massive. There is a difference between having suicidal thoughts and wanting to act on them, but you can help him have a safe plan (possibly talking to you) and also some ideas about how to distract him from the thoughts.

I’d recommend the Childline website, for you and him. It’s really informative and helpful. He could ring or have a 1-2-1 Chat with a counsellor there too, that can really help.

One thing is clear from Childline: your son is not alone in having these thoughts, far from it, and for some young people just knowing that can help.