Shall I go on this date tomorrow or should I cancel?

[Wilkiemini]

Yabu I’ll go on this date
Yanbu i’ll cancel the date

I have been messaging a guy online (online dating) we don’t know each other and have never met, we exchanged a few messages and he asked me to meet for a coffee, I said yes and we arranged a date for tomorrow pm (Thursday)

Now here is my dilemma...since saying yes I haven’t really heard from him at all and any communication has been brief and instigated by me! I was expecting the interim period as a get to know you session with the usual questions etc but nothing I hardly know anything about him and vice versa!

So today with the date looming (tomorrow) I’m not feeling it...I did really like him Initially but his lack of any effort has put me right off and I don’t know whether to cancel now and if I do what should I say?

Or should I go and just see what’s he’s like in person? Because I dong have to see him again if I don’t want to?

Help

It's possible that he is just making sure you have things to talk about on the date, rather than continually chatting then having nothing to say.

It's also possible hes an asshole who is stringing you along.

Only you can decide if you're feeling it, or if he is worth a date.

Just go with your gut feeling, you owe him nothing.

Even though I have mistakenly put the word dong 😂 instead of don’t I can assure you I’m not just after a shag! :)

You exchanged enough (a few) messages to be convinced enough to ageee to a coffee.

Why does he then have to take up a verbal holding pattern until then?

Because I’ve been on a few dates now this is normal behaviour? To want to get to know your date! 🤷‍♀️

Personally I'm reluctant to meet friends at the moment, let alone strangers.

However, that aside, surely as you've only messaged on line, a 'coffee date' IS the 'getting to know you' date. I wouldn't expect it beforehand.

But if you don't want to go, don't.

How long has the gap been?

I see your reluctance but I voted for you still to go purely because as you say, you don’t have to see him again if it doesn’t work out. People can be different via messages and IRL anyway.

5 days

My experience (plenty!) is that most people like to talk beforehand, but some don't because they're worried they'll have nothing to talk about on the date; so it isn't a deal breaker in itself.

It's only coffee, go for it.
I wouldn't throw a Saturday night at him if he's not keeping up the chat, but a coffee can be done and dusted in 15 minutes if there's no spark.
Enjoy... Let us know how it goes

I think you should go anyway. I'm going on a date at the weekend. First date in a long time. I've almost cancelled because he keeps messaging me and I find it a bit odd as we haven't even met yet! Felt really pushy and overly keen to me Shows how out of touch I am with modern dating. I'm very much in the "what are we going to talk about if we keep chatting by text" camp.

5 days is nothing! I thought you meant he'd vanished for a month or something!

I'd go. But then I'm massively massively bored, so anything out of the routine humdrum would be welcome.

As pp, I wouldn't meet a friend at the moment let alone a stranger.

When I did OLD, it annoyed me when they kept messaging. I preferred to meet them face to face (in your case at a 2m distance) as soon as possible to see if there was a connection. I'd rather have been messaging my mates/Mum than the bloke I hadn't met yet.

(I should add I met my DH online)

Good luck!

Another vote for go.

But if you want you could message today to say just checking still ok for tomorrow. If he's keen he'll come back quickly and say yes.

We’re meeting for takeaway coffee and sitting in a park...it’s about as safe as it can be, I shall not be snogging his face off (but if Ryan Gosling turns up I might have to cross my legs and sit on my hands!)

I’m going to go with the majority vote so it’s looks like I’m going to go on this date 😬

I’m not expecting anything to come if it so I have nothing to lose :) I’ll keep you posted after the event if he shows up that is!

I'd send a quick message to see if he's still OK for tomorrow and see what he says. From talking to friends, sometimes this getting to know you online chatting goes on and on and on, takes up time and doesn't lead anywhere, it's maybe better to just have a little bit of messaging and a quick meet?

If you don't want to go then don't! It's supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

Go....It's a coffee date, maybe he's worried as previous posters have said about having nothing to talk about. You know/ knew enough to agree to meet so go with it. It's only a coffee, public place etc. If you don't hit it off, then you cut your losses and never have to see him again x Good luck whatever you decide

Yeah totally go.

I do what your date does tbh - message someone enough to realise we seem to get on well, then arrange a date. Then I don't invest much time once the date is arranged - why bother? I've met plenty of men who are nothing like their pictures/online persona generally, so I don't want to invest time in messaging them every day until we've met in person and I actually like them.

Update...

Well he messaged me and confirmed the date today.... then he didn’t show up :(

I waited and messaged him to give him the benefit of the doubt (you never know why he might be late) No answer

What a loser...
I’m trusting my gut from now on lol

That’s really awful.

I Just read your thread not realising it was today and I was going to say cancel! At least you knew something was off.

What a git!
Thankfully you only lost a cuople of hours to the twat.

I’m so sorry to hear that! Sending you hugs, what a loser! Thankfully he showed his true colours before things got too serious x

Bugger sorry to hear that