Trust after an affair?

[sianyb83]

My SIL cheated on my brother, 1 year before their wedding.
The affair was with someone they both knew, she didn't admit it, a mutual friends exposed them.
My brother had a pretty serious gambling addiction years earlier, and felt that as she forgave/ stood by him for that - he should do the same.
All now seems fine, and forgotten about, but I feel sorry for him everytime I see him.
My husband could never forgive an affair, so I think I struggle to see how he can.
I was cheated on a long time ago, and it destroyed my trust and also my self esteem.
I read up a lot and it seems like the psychology of women cheating is different to men, different motivations...
Do couples really just move on from this stuff?
Every couple I know where theres been an affair ends up separating.

AIBU to think she'll do this again?

No Yanbu to think she might do it again... she might.

Your brother shouldn’t forgive something on the basis that she forgave him for something completely different.

IMO being unfaithful is massive. I couldn’t imagine living life wondering whether my DH is messaging someone else or seeing someone else or what he’s doing every time he leaves the house. It would be an awful way to live.

Often women’s motives would be different to men’s but it doesn’t excuse it at all.

I think that if you cheat you must be very unhappy in your relationship at the time. I think you should either throw yourself into working at the relationship/marriage or walk away from it.

Some people can forgive, doesn’t mean they forget, some people can’t. Some people think they can because they love that person but it shatters them inside but the plod along anyway.

Ultimately it’s your brothers decision but no I don’t think you’re wrong for thinking the way you do