Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I still being emotionally blackmailed?

8 replies

boymum9 · 08/07/2020 16:04

Firstly I apologise because over the last 1.5 years I've posted a lot for advice! I've found it very helpful given my situation.

I'm mid divorce and my solicitor has been waiting on ex h financial information for upwards of about 5 months now, the form has not moved from his desk this whole time, I see it every time I pick up ds's. I have asked multiple times how he's getting on with it and am met with things such as:
-just waiting on bank statements
-why do you even need a lawyer
-why can't we just have mediation
-so and so didn't use a solicitor etc

In the last 1.5 years his behaviour has consisted of stalking me, making me think someone was breaking into my bedroom window because he was outside trying to see in and listen to me, causing a nightmare as new partners place of work (this was quite some time after we were separated and he had a new gf by this point), multiple times listening to me/watching me outside windows at my house, threatening suicide, and after a year me finding out he had a hidden camera watching me in my bedroom. There's also been multiple other things that have gone on

He is a great emotional black mailer and an expert at making people feel sorry for him, and I still get drawn into that sometimes! We were together 15 years it's very difficult to just stop. I told him a week ago that it's getting ridiculous now, the lawyer needs the information, fees will go up a lot and it needs doing. Since then he has given me the silent treatment, one word answers regarding dc's, looking sad whenever we have sorted out children.

Last night a received a message from him apologising and saying he just finds it so difficult and he's struggling with coming to terms with things still and that I shouldn't feel guilty etc etc... now I don't feel like I can push him on the financially info for the lawyer because I feel bad! And he still hasn't given it in.

Is he still emotionally blackmailing me like he has many times before? Sorry for the long post!Blush

OP posts:
LegitSnack · 08/07/2020 16:06

I'd get this moved to Relationships.

MidnightCitrus · 08/07/2020 16:06

Yes - dont engage, just repeat - please send the form back asap

boymum9 · 08/07/2020 16:20

Thank you. I'm not sure how to get it moved!

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 08/07/2020 16:28

He's leading you a merry dance.

Do you go in the house? Wait on the doorstep. You're not together anymore. How are you even managing things if you've not properly separated after this long?

forrandomposts · 08/07/2020 16:28

Get it loved by asking @mnhq and yes he is absolutely emotionally blackmailing you!!

The question is, why would you care enough about his feelings, when he has so little care for yours that he watched you get undressed and in intimate moments through a camera in your bed room?

forrandomposts · 08/07/2020 16:29

*moved not loved

namesnames · 08/07/2020 16:37

Yes, he is emotionally blackmailing you. Unfortunately if he doesn't fill the form in there isn't much anyone can do.

My former husband refused to fill his in for 4 years despite threats of imprisonment from judges.

boymum9 · 08/07/2020 17:53

Thank you @forrandomposts and I don't know! I don't know why I care, I think it's more that I care about his emotional state in regards to his ability to look after the children and I worry about that, they're only (nearly) 3 and 5, I feel like I'm trying to keep his emotions level so they don't get effected, I really don't know.

Can this be moved to relationships please @mnhq ? Smile

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread