My therapist said he can't treat me- feel devastated

[therapydrama]

I have suffered with anxiety for my life, it has got worse in adult hood and after many failed private therapy sessions I signed up to the NHS. I was shocked and delighted that I got a call 5 seconds (literally!) to arrange an assessment, the assessment was the week after. I got picked up my a psychologist with an appointment the week after. My first one was surprisingly good - I opened up fully to get it all out at the beginning, he concluded I have signs of GAD, OCD and Social Anxiety. It made sense and was the first time someone mentioned ocd which all adds up.

Had my second session today - 15 mins it lasted as he had to inform me that I score too highly on the OCD scale and he can't treat me and I'll need to go back on the waiting list for a few months.

I am devastated. I just trusted him which is so rare for me. I could really talk to him. I liked his voice. I feel so annoyed at the system.

I know this isn't an AIBU but I just feel so grey.

I know it feels personal but it isn't. He just wants to make sure you get the therapist you need and he doesn't think that's him. But I know how it feels like you've struck gold when you find a therapist you can trust, and it must sting.

Would it make you feel better to write him a little email thanking him for your first session and how much it already helped you? When I'm feeling sore I try to do something positive to stop me going down a dark well.

Honestly it's actually a good thing, he's identified that you need a specialist in an area that he isn't. Perhaps now you will be able to find someone who can help you. It would be nice if he was a specialist in that area but even though you're able to talk to him that doesn't mean he can help you . See this as going to a doctor and getting referred to another department.

Good luck to you

It's not personal. Think of it as going to see a dermatologist because you have itchy skin and they do some investigating and learn it's actually because of a problem with your liver - they can't treat you and will refer you to a suitable specialist.

It does sound like it will be better in the long term for you to see the right person for the treatment you need, but I’m sure it would have helped if he’d explained that that might happen before he started the assessment. Maybe offer that as feedback once you’ve had you’re treatment - it may help someone else in future?

I’m sorry this has happened and you feel so bad, but I agree with the others that it’s not personal. Many NHS services are only able to work with people who fall within a certain range of scores, so it may not even be his decision. Or, it might be that he isn’t experienced or knowledgeable enough about OCD and needs to refer you to a therapist who has done more training or is more experienced in this area in order to get the best outcomes for you.

this sounds very upsetting but echo others that it is eventually positive, you have not been rejected. The people who do the first level of screening and treatment in the NHS are rarely psychologists. Is it possible that you misheard and they are a psychological wellbeing practitioner? These are workers with a basic level of CBT training. The positive thing is that you are on the waiting list, OCD has been identified and they will tailor treatment to you. Many counsellors etc unfortunately do not have training in helping in OCD and can make things worse.
In case the wait is very long and you want to try private again, this page has good information about finding the right person
www.ocdaction.org.uk/resource/finding-private-therapist

The skills point people are making is valid.

But it's also ok to feel how you do and to let yourself go through those feelings to release them. Because it's not just about the therapist's skills.

A huge part of psychological therapy is about the relationship between you and the therapist, so of course this is a big deal and feels like a blow. Both the skills and relationship need to be present for therapy to succeed.

The positive I see here (beyond having your needs accurately identified which is a significant hurdle cleared) is that you met a therapist you felt you could potentially trust and work well with. So that shows it is possible to find both those elements.

I hope the person you see when you get through this waiting list is also someone you can build a positive working relationship with.

Have you been left with any resources to read in the meantime? If this is the first time OCD has been mentioned to you I would hope you were at least directed to basic psycho-education booklets?

I know it isn't personal and we both said we were sad to not be able to continue, he explained it would be unethical for him to and could make me worse. He was very nice about it.

I just feel anxious about starting again with someone new.

I have nothing to read but I might google

he explained it would be unethical for him to and could make me worse

It sounds as though working with severe OCD would be outside his professional competence then - it is a big ethical no-no to do that as it could harm you. Mental Health covers such a wide range of things that it isn't possible for every practitioner to be able to work with everything. I'm sorry. Your anxiety about starting again is completely understandable. Hopefully you will get referred to a therapist you connect with in the same way you did with this one - I agree with the PP who said that your being able to open up to someone once is a good indication that you can do it again and develop a good therapeutic relationship with someone.

You might be able to get help in the meantime from OCD Action (www.ocdaction.org.uk) or OCDUK (www.ocduk.org).