To think baby groups should be opening

[Wingingthis]

I’m a second time mum to an 11 week old baby boring in April. With my first baby, I struggled with many things - traumatic birth, very difficult refluxy baby, new mum with no “mum friends” to text or call with questions etc. I honestly feel like baby groups helped me so much mentally and I worry about the mental health impacts of them being still closed will have to new mums.
If they can open pubs etc why not baby groups? Even if just under 1s where most are not mobile?
I completely understand toddler groups remaining closed but I fear a huge spike in PND here. Being a new mum is so isolating at the best of times

Try the Peanut app, and Mush. Both are for making mum friends in your area! Really agree, I've dreamed of baby groups and now baby is here there aren't any ☹️

We aren’t allowed. I run music classes for babies and toddlers and it simply isn’t allowed at the moment.

We can have a maximum of 6 people indoors, from two households. So that’s me and one other family? We aren’t allowed to sing at any point. We can’t use ‘soft’ props- so no puppets, scarves, Pom poms etc. You have to enter and exit from different doors. Nothing can be used by more than one person without deep cleaning.

I am so upset (and slowly sinking into financial ruin but that’s not the point) that I can’t get back. I’ve got children who’ve been coming to me since they were babies who are going to school and I haven’t been able to say goodbye. The government and the Children’s Activity Association have put a bit of guidance out but it’s very contradictory so we still don’t know where we stand. Hoping for more guidance today, actually.

I would love to be back, and do would every one of the baby business owners I know. It would help if you wrote to your MP and asked for guidance on when baby groups can resume. We are lobbying as businesses, so if parents also show they want this, we might actually get some help.

My baby was born in January and I managed to attend one baby session before lockdown. This is my first baby and it’s been really hellish without any support, most of my friends would have to use public transport (London) so he’s almost six months and nobody has met him yet - plus my dad is really ill so I don’t know when I’ll see my parents a gain. At the same time there’s been a real impact to having such a tiny baby during a pandemic and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable enough to take him to a class even if they were up and running again, so that’s more isolation and loneliness for me either way. I looked for support on mumsnet back in April and everyone who’d posted feeling similarly were told to GET A GRIP so it’s at least nice to see a thread where new mums are being thought of!

Locally some mums have started an outdoors meet with babies in the park. Bring your baby in a sling or pram. A mum and baby walking group could also work. I've seen them mentioned on local fb groups.

I agree these groups are really helpful for new mums. And whilst I'd very happily go to a park meet-up now, with my first baby I would have found this more challenging than a community centre or cafe - I would have preferred somewhere with seats, toilets and baby changing facilities as I was less adept at changing nappies and breastfeeding on the grass.

Previously the ones in a community centre were run by the Health Visitors (who I think are solely doing safeguarding work and the essential checks currently) and by volunteers (who usually had school age children, who may not be in school now). Our local community centre published their covid policy under current government guidance and it was very stringent, unless guidance is relaxed I think it would be challenging to run a new mums group with the distancing, organisation and cleaning required. Or more informal coffee-morning ones meeting in cafes which are now shut or take-away only. So logistically there are difficulties with restarting these currently.

I run a baby and toddler group (or did, until March). But sadly it would be impossible for us to restart any time soon. I have my own primary school aged children at home (who I’m supposed to be homeschooling), and 2 others out of our team of 5 volunteers are over 70 and shielding. The church where we hold it isn’t opening for anything yet, and Just the thought of disinfecting all the toys and equipment makes my head hurt.

I miss all our regular families and it makes me desperately sad we can’t be there for them at the moment. I’m really hoping we can reopen in some capacity in September, however tricky it will be.

Have you checked your local groups? Buggy fit and hiking are open here. Baby massage, yoga and signing are hoping to open soon it's just finding the right premises for distancing. Looks like they'll be more expensive potentially due to.limited numbers.

They're mainly run by volunteers, they might not have PPE, might be shielding, or time to clean everything after each session.

Agree with "BikeRunSki* about the older children. Most of the baby groups I went to were run by volunteers who had "graduated" from the baby group and now had school age children which was why they shut during school holidays.

I’m a first time ‘lockdown’ mum and it’s been utterly utterly crap!
I’ve suffered depression and am having treatment, my psychologist says it’s not PND, it’s lock down with a new born isolation, deflation and misery.

I have no mum friends, family couldn’t help, DH was a key worker. Every concept of ‘nice bits’ I had after having DS (family visits, celebrations, gifts...etc all the stuff everyone else in my family has had) none of that happened. I got a couple of cards and ‘congrats’ texts then it was old news and all everyone cared about was Covid.

I still feel like people are muttering and judging when I go anywhere none essential with DS.
We planned and saved and did everything right so DS’s arrival could be celebrated but it just wasn’t!

It’s not even like I couldn’t have enjoyed this time, I had an easy birth (after a bloody nightmare of a pregnancy spent mostly in hospital/confined to the house) for the first time in almost a year I felt great and desperate to get out/see people/do things after months and months of misery and illness. But no, I was locked in the house with a newborn, not a clue what to do and nobody gave a shit.

He’s now 17 weeks and hasn’t been weighed since he left the hospital, other than by me on my bathroom scales (holding him) HV’s and midwives dropper off the face of the earth. DS had CMPA but no GP would see him so had to figure that all out alone. Got awful mastitis and could barely feel DS- no one could come to help! It’s been SHIT and I feel totally pissed off and robbed!!!

(It’s a theme in my life something always happens to ruin any big event/moment or completely take any ounce of attention away from me. For context I grew up with a severely ill father and disabled sibling. I was always so so so understanding until Covid. This took the total piss and has snapped my ‘it’s fine I’ll get over it’ attitude!

I was surprised how many were considering it but the babies are limited to non walkers or crawlers. I thought they'd be similar to toddlers here with most staff OAP or with kids but most are not.

I really hope they open - or something opens soon, my twins were 4 weeks when lock down started and just when I was starting to get ready to go out to groups and meet people. My husband works long days and often abroad too so I get no adult conversation all day and I find it very lonely and rather soul destroying especially when I have a hard day with the babies.
Online zoom classes just don’t really work for us and I did one course and all the mums were so quiet it was just awkward.

I understand why they can’t go back but I struggle some days and would love a few adults to chat with!

@Pumpertrumper your post resonated with me so much! I've been diagnosed with PND/PNA but I really feel so much of it is a result of this situation and having no network or help and nothing to do but sit in the house with my baby and go on the occasional walk (husband is back at work and uses our only car) our baby is also CMPA and has reflux so no sleep, would have been amazing to have someone come round and help or have groups etc to go to just to get away from myself!
I think there will be a massive PND spike at the moment all the poor mums stuck alone with their thoughts

It’s such a shame, my baby is ‘only’ 11 months and baby groups saved me. I’m an introverted home body but as a new parent I NEEDED to be around other new mums.
I made friends at groups so I’ve been able to see them as lockdown has started to lift and I feel 100x better despite the fact that we’ve all been texting eachother throughout.
I look back at the early baby days so fondly, some of the best of my life, but without groups I easily think I might (would) have fallen into PND.

I would gladly volunteer to run a group at the baby centre, babes in arms only, bring your own blanket and toys not to shared and just chat. But that wouldn’t be allowed either so it’s not JUST that volunteers ‘might be shielding’ or ‘don’t want to disinfect the toys’ (both totally valid points!).
I would also gladly continue not going to classes if it meant that the properly new mums who need support could meet up.

He’s now 17 weeks and hasn’t been weighed since he left the hospital, other than by me on my bathroom scales (holding him) HV’s and midwives dropper off the face of the earth. DS had CMPA but no GP would see him so had to figure that all out alone.

So sorry @Pumpertrumper, it's an absolute disgrace. There must have been something they could have done and put in place for new parents and babies, I would like to know their justification beyond covid; because there are implications for offering no postnatal support.

Mine where both walking by 1 and crawling by 5.5 and 6.5 months. It wouldn’t be financially viable to groups to open while adhering to 2m rule and disinfecting everything. The cheaper donation groups in my area are run by older volunteers who would be must at risk to covid.

How do you suggest these situation be resolved.

In my area the only groups currently running are online ones like baby sensory being held via Zoom. Its ok to pass the time but has no ability to interact with other parents. I run a baby and toddler group as a volunteer and there has been practically nothing to help up reopen. We would only be able to reopen as a fully outdoor venue. This means unable to use toilets or shared nappy change facilities, we would have to clean every resource between every child from a different household touching it. We could not offer tea or coffee to parents from shared mugs nor do shared washing up. Many of the adults attending our group are grandparents so they don't want to mix with other households. If the rules allowed us to be indoors but we had to maintain 2m distancing then the venue we use would be able to fit around 1/4 of the usual capacity so our fee income wouldn't cover the hall rent. Its a really difficult situation and we've been left to fend for ourselves because unsurprisingly its not a government priority to help small community groups who pay no taxes!

How about trying to set something up on your local Facebook - meet up in the park or a social distance walk?

I agree baby groups were so helpful during with first and kept me sane as I found staying in the house every day really hard

Have you used mush? I found mush great and met a few mums through that

I used to run a baby group under the NCT. Currently the NCT aren't allowing face to face support so even if we wanted to open we can't.

The venue we use is still closed as well.

We don't have the volunteers or resources to provide PPE to the mums or to deep clean as much as we'd need to.

Also I think a lot of the new mums would be too scared to come just in case.

I have been thinking about setting up a walking group for new mums. While the weather in nice, doing a walk and then socially distanced drink in the park after.

I agree and really wish classes could start again. It's so important for parents and carers and early development. I run baby classes out of a church hall so whilst I can easily ensure my own mats and equipment is sterile as always, and we have more than enough space for social distancing, the problem is there's another 15 or so groups/businesses who also rent the venue - using floors, toilets, entrances and exits. Keep fit groups breathing and sweating. A play group of toddlers touching everything. Groups for the elderly, therefore more vulnerable. The hall manager will need to do a risk assessment for each activity and hire extra cleaning staff, she is elderly and shielding herself so difficult for her.

The financial aspects don't work brilliantly either. The available time slots for hire will have to reduce if the hall is required to clean between groups, which reduces the number of people in a day she can hire it out to, which reduces any money they make to pay the cleaners and bills. So I used to go in after a playgroup, the volunteers would do a quick clean, but that wouldn't be enough. So I'd lose an hour there while they do extra cleaning. Which means I'm paying an hour less hire fee and can only fit in 1 class, which means it's not worth me paying childcare as I won't make enough back to make any profit. It's a community church so the manager is a volunteer and the parish pays for cleaners, repairs, overheads - the parish is broke at the best of times and relies on our hire fee (minimal) and donations.

So much as I would love love love to get my groups back on, I do understand the difficulties councils and parishes are facing when deciding what to run, and we aren't classed as essential though many would argue these are for our wellbeing. I agree that because we aren't really making money for the govt such as pubs and are often women/children centric we are being overlooked. I also agree online is very different for new parents, and not great for all interactions, but at the moment I feel like it's about the best there is. My colleagues in areas less affected (with less rain!) are running outdoor sessions from their own gardens. If I'd have done that, we'd have been rained off the past 2-3 weeks, so Zoom will have to do for now. It makes me sad to think of all the missed opportunities for new parents and of course I'm worried I won't ever be able to reopen.

@rainbowraccoon

It’s just been the worst hasn’t it?

And People who say ‘well you’d have been housebound with a newborn anyway’ NO I wouldn’t it’s just a feeble excuse to gloss over how shit of a time this has been.

Even if I’d had an awful birth and had been housebound, at least I’d have had;
-family help
-supermarket delivery slots
-HV/midwife support
-The ability to see a bloody GP!
And not had the constant over hanging threat of catching a deadly virus, or worse your newborn catching a deadly virus!

I also HATE people who say shit like well lots of people don’t have family help and they still have babies - yes well that’s factored into their sodding decision in the first place isn’t it? I bet they don’t have tearful phone calls daily from their shielding parents who are desperate to help and be there but instead get to watch you suffer alone in isolated misery from a distance. I wouldn’t have had a baby if I knew this was what it would be!

Or At least you havn’t lost a loved one during lockdown, that’s much worse it’s not a misery race to the bottom, their sadness doesn’t invalidate my feelings for my situation! (My psychologist thinks people who say shit like that are the problem. Making people feel like they’re wrong for having feelings because someone else is always worse off’)

I’ve never been bitter or sour about my lot in life. Growing up in a family with chronic illness and disability, you learn from a young age that you’re nobody’s priority and you get used to it. You get used to thinking ‘ah these things happen, it’s so much worse for other, I’m lucky really’ but having my baby at the start of lockdown was really the straw that broke the camels back! It SUCKS and it was UNFAIR!!!

I hope they do extend maternity leave/shared parental leave as I think many (if not most) will need it to deal with the fallout of lockdown.
(Also it’ll surely save companies money if they just extend the stat pay period, if the gov managed to find all this furlough money they can manage to find a couple of months stat maternity pay for struggling new parents)

I miss our toddler group. Ds4 won't be able to say his goodbyes before school and I'm gutted. But it is understandable, when you think of all the children who shove toys in their mouths etc you just can't take the risk

Although I do understand completely, a baby group isn't comparable to a pub. Pubs are businesses who have had to spend a lot of money on PPE, plastic screens etc. The staff are being paid for their time and those that need childcare have it. Plus, the majority of people in pubs don't crawl around dribbling and licking stuff (although some do).
Baby groups are run mainly by volunteers who don't have the means to buy PPE needed or the time to spend deep cleaning and disinfecting the room and equipment afterwards. A lot of the buildings aren't open yet either. I'm sure it won't be long though, things seem to be opening up quite fast.

I've not read all of the posts, but have you tried MUSH? It's a great way to meet other mums in your local area. You could then meet up for walks etc?

In our local area the volunteers aren't willing to start them up again so they are still closed. The charity shops are the same

It is shit, but i don't know what the answer is. The groups hoping to restart here have to raise their costs due to overhead raise. I won't be able to afford it. Baby sensory is shit online, not the same at all. Though i appreciate them trying but i refuse to pay the same price for zoom as for the hall.

Buggyfit has kept me sane as i can't hike.

Do you have any friends who have babues/toddlers? Maybe park walking while things ease in? Connect with locals on fb group and see about meet ups?

village hall trustee here. We are well aware of the impact of our closure on all who use it, and how important a baby and toddler group is to the attendees.

as others point out; there's going to be a lot of work to do to get the venue and the hirers covid-safe. At the moment the guidance is rapidly changing and breach of the guidance is breach of health and safety law. All hirers are also going to have to do a lot of cleaning, managing, risk assessment etc. It will no longer be a matter of 'do a quick clean before you leave and make sure you lock up'.

so sadly, not yet.