To not make tea and ask my partner for an hour alone?

[Melonslicexx]

I've had both kids full time since march. Some days are positive. Others are rubbish. Lockdown has made me feel sick and sluggish alot. I'm building my excercise back up and some days I just crash from pushing abit further.

Today I was cooking a chicken dinner and crumble for pudding. Daughter was excited. But I changed my mind. I'm absolutely shattered. I feel yucky. My partner's working full time. 2 days in the office and 3 at home. I had the worst night's sleep Sunday. I got really anxious in the night. Then I felt rubbish all day yesterday. Today I feel weak and sleepy.

Anyway I made the kids beans on toast and the other jam on toast. I'm eating toast now. I want to cry because I'm so worn out. If I go to the toilet 30 seconds later there's a toddler at the stair gate crying. I can't ever think at the moment. My five year old also talks and talks and talks and talks. Constant questions. Constant story telling. Constant on every walk. When we are out I'm pushing the pushchair and just trying to force myself to respond to everything she is saying.

But I just need a break. I'm so worried I'll never build up again to who I was.

I feel your pain. I've been feeling the same. It's all too much isn't it. We all need a break!! Have a break, can you get out for a walk alone ? I know if I go to watch tv upstairs they all follow!!

When he walks in the door you walk out, even if it's going for a walk

Order them a pizza to share and go for a walk

He's in the spare room. He's usually free from 5,pm.

I don't know why today has set me off. I just feel irritable and teary.

I could walk but it's absolutely pouring it down. So I might have to make do with a quick cry and half hour of netflix in the bedroom. I feel bad as he also gets zero time to unwind. But yes it's all too much now isn't it. We matter too 😔

I feel your pain. I'm currently sat watching TV shows on Amazon Prime on my laptop with a cup of tea whilst my 4 year old & just 2 year old run riot in the living room with me just sat here supervising. I'm totally mentally exhausted.
I'm completely out of inspiration for games, things to draw, activities. I just can't face the thought of yet another walk around the block.
I want to take them to the park (it's not within walking distance unfortunately but drove by it earlier & it is open) but can't face it alone.

It's really not the end of the world to go for a walk in the rain. Just do it.

Do it. Put them in the buggy with shoes on and nappied/toileted and say Daddy is treating them to a walk with some kind of treat.

I don't understand why parents don't just tell their children to be quiet for a while. They can't go through life constantly talking. It's ok to tell them to go and play or shush for 5 mins.

You sound overly tired for it though. Maybe go ask for tests at the doctors. Could be thyroid or iron levels.

If you were my dd I would tuck you up on the settee with a duvet. You sound so run down, as if you were in the first stage of a cold or flu.
I see it is just gone 5pm, fingers crossed dp will step up.
I will make a confession now. My eldest dd used to talk and talk. She thinks I would bring her a few sweets on school pick up because I was nice. The truth is, while she ate them, I had a few blessed moments of peace from the unfiltered non stop commentary. I learned to answer with oh? really? sounds fun! They do outgrow that stage.

It's OK to tell a 5 year it's quiet time.

"Until we get to the [insert landmark] we are going to think about what our favourite animal is and why, and when we get to [landmark] we'll stop and tell each other what we thought about"

I had to ask my 11 and 21 year olds to stop asking things of many a time (one's at school and the other back to uni town now so I'm wfh in peace).

"I don't want anyone to talk to me unless there is blood or fire that you can't deal with yourself".

I'd def go out for a walk in the rain, it's invigorating.

I'm in your boat, but I'm more assertive with the dc.
I put the baby down to nap, stick a film on for pre schooler and tell her I don't want to talk. I often give her a bag of pomme bears to keep her mouth busy.
Either before or after DPs work I go for a run, and one evening a week go for a speed walk with a friend.
Honeslty, you need to carve some time out, you sound like you're exhausted you poor thing

Try and be more assertive with them. They can be told to be quiet, they can learn not to follow you everywhere, you can go to the toilet alone.

Are you the Wicked Witch or live in an area with acid rain?
If not so what it's raining. Go jump in puddles and have some silly fun away from them.

If he cannot cope with the children and cooking dinner, it's about time he learned how.

Thanks guys.

He's taking a work call at the moment. Yeah I do tell her to stop talking sometimes. I try and not bash it out of her to much as the mum guilt is horrible at the moment. I realise all she has is us at the moment and none of her friends.

Yeah I'm often on iron tablets. Also vitamin d from the drs. Not the healthiest for some reason. Even though I eat a good meal everyday I seem to lack in vitamins. I don't get enough sun I suppose.

Yes I am exhausted. Somehow lockdown has made me more tired than doing the school run (half an hour each way) and being out in all weather's. I do miss our routine alot now.

Glad I'm not alone to the other mums feeling it today. That's the trouble isn't it. You sit down togive yourself a break and they go crazy making a mess x

You said your partner gets zero downtime, what's he doing when he finishes work? Does he feed the kids, play with the kids, cook dinner, clean, tidy?

Christ, take an evening off! It'll do you the world of good. And your DC too.

Your partner can watch the children. Go upstairs, have a bubble bath, watch whatever you want on TV, eat pizza in bed and get an early night. You can return the favour for DP another night.

Going forward, you both need some time out for yourselves. If you've genuinely not had time to yourself since March, it's no wonder you're exhausted. Can you both take half a day to yourself at the weekends for now? One gets Saturday morning, the other Sunday perhaps?

If you want to spend it in bed, you can. If you want to go out for coffee and cake with friends, you can. Just go out and get some space - it's so important.

Look after yourself

Yes partner does bits of everything too. He is hands on. I think we need to agree to every other weekend we have a lie in each. We have bedtime battles too. Coronavirus has kindly destroyed all routine because they have loads of energy. At least we can go out more now.

Op I hear you. It’s all really full on at the mo. I have three dcs and they are really great kids but normal kids. They need loads of attention and help with things, loads of big meals, exercise and breaking up fights.
I very much relate to that feeling of being totally burnt out. It’s been almost 5 months in my country of me with dcs 24/7 and even though it’s always been 50/50 with my dh , he is now working out of the house 6 days a week. It’s all so full on and I’ve run out of steam tbh. I’ve never in my life felt this unmotivated or exhausted.
It’s hard to think of things to fill the 13/14 hour days.
I keep everything very routined and boring though it sounds I make sure I get to bed nice and early so I have a decent amount of sleep. I too eat well, take vits, am fit etc but feel awful at the mo. It’s just very relentless and there’s zero headspace..

Also agree with taking it in turns for lie ins etc. That really helps

Yep I hear you!! Honestly as soon as he’s finished his work call tell him you’re going for a walk. Get your raincoat on and go for walk in rain and listen to some music. I go for walk / listen to music every day as soon as husband finishes work. If weather is good he’ll take he kids out on scooters as well. Even if raining it’s a joy to be in fresh air on your own. And then come home soaking wet, have a lovely hot shower then sit down with kids to watch a film. Accept some days are tough at the moment but my little walks (whatever the weather) are my sanity. If I wasn’t heavily pregnant I’d be running - even if you’re not a runner it’s a great time to start!

This too shall pass. It really will. This is the begining of the end, although it doesn't feel like it and it will take your mind some time to catch up. Things are getting better. We will be back to normal again soon and you will feel alright again, with a little time. Be kind to yourself x

I would look into your health a bit more. It isn't usual to be always anaemic and Vit d deficient. Could you be B12 deficient? Thyroid? Maybe push for more tests. And do be a bit more assertive with the kids. Don't feel guilty for sticking a film on and napping on the sofa!

Do you drive?

I couldn't get my kids to leave me alone in the house; they would come and find me even when DH was trying to give me a break. The other night I'd had enough, got in the car with a novel, drove to a pretty place and stayed there reading until it got dark. It was bliss.

When I was on mat leave with Ds2, I'd sit in the car on the drive for 30mins a day with a magazine/similar when DH got in from work. It made me a much nicer person

It's good that you both share evening duties. It's ok to recognise that today either of you is struggling, so make a plan to look after each other too. One night a week each of you take sole care of bedtimes, so you get a night off. Each weekend you both get a lie in until 10. Etc