Disabled son smashing windows

[Justme02]

Sorry posted twice,once in chat and here.
Posted for traffic and responses greatly needed.
Hello all ,im looking for some advice and help please as I just cant think what todo.Myson is severely autistic and cant stop furiously hitting his hands and head on the windows of ourhouse.hesbeen doing this for over a year now and theres no distracting him,he is non verbal with learning disabilities and is mentally aged 6 months ,so theres no reasoning with him.

The windows are kite marked double glazed and I've had them checked and been told its unlikely he will be able to go throughthem.ivebought protective shatterproof filming just in case and applied on all.
I've looked on the internet for anything which would stop the noisy banging he seems to enjoy from the windows but cant find anything.

The noise is deafening and distressing. I dont know what would work apart from padding all the windows and having no light which I obviously dont want.
I've asked all services and they haven't came up with a solution,so hoping maybe some new ideas will come from here.
im so stressed about it,its non stop all day long.

OP’s posts:See all

@Justme02. I will return the thanks in spades! Unfortunately, I can suffer a wee bit from written diarrhoea when responding to these type of posts but I so recall the absolutely devastating feeling of loneliness with it all despite having a fantastic DH.

10 is a particularly tricky time as the little devils do seems to hit puberty rather early - my dd started her periods at 10 before we managed to get her toilet trained - which of course adds another level of stress to them. ☹️ (The residential school managed to get her toilet trained at 12)

If you ever feel really down or just want a shoulder to cry on then please don’t hesitate to pm me if you prefer. I certainly don’t have all the answers but it is so hard to find other parents dealing with this level of autism combined with SLD.

Sorry just seen you follow up post.

Taking her out - we had to have a special harness made for her. Crelling are REALLY good and will tailor one to meet your specific needs.

She was a nightmare in the car! She would suddenly decide she only wanted to go one way - even if the road was closed due to roadworks 😨 - and if we didn’t go that way she would go berserk and start attacking everyone in the car and especially the driver. She would also try and kick the windows out. She did a huge amount of damage to our car interiors. Eventually we managed to get a Motability car for her so thankfully we didn’t have to pay for the repairs.

She also has no sense of danger and would run out in the road without hesitation hence we used the Crelling harness for walking around etc.
Then she developed a fascination for escalators! 🙄 I can recall on several occasions DH taking her up and down escalators for around an hour at a time. Honestly, the list goes on and on! Again, many of these issues were gradually calmed to a degree by the residential school although, even today, we never take her out by ourselves. She is funded 2-1 at all times outside of the complex so we always have 2 experienced carers with us whenever we take her out. However, even they can’t manage her on public transport as she will refuse to disembark when they reach the correct stop and/or she will suddenly decide she wants to sit in someone else’s seat and can’t be moved. It’s not worth the hassle so we use her Motability allowance to pay for taxis for her and her carers.

Supermarkets can be fun at times! 😱

You have to come to terms that your home will not be as you want it. DS2 is 13, has 1:1 at special school at 2:1 outside of the home and at respite. He is strong and puberty has made him violent. Practically I have code access on all my doors including fob access on external doors. From OT he has a medical bed for strength and cleanliness, specialist shock absorbing floor and other safety measures. A safe space bed would solve any window issues in his bedroom. Mobility if you haven’t got it is available for severe learning difficulties ignore if the say he doesn’t qualify and apply anyway. OT is a long process and better if you know what is needed.

@boulshired I have had an ot assessment and we are awaiting a safe space bed which may not happen this year due to covid disruptions.

My daughter is now an adult. She used to do this when younger. We would pick up a pillow and quickly put in the way. Some people use helmets to protect the head but her consultant said that wouldn't protect her brain since it was still banging around in her skull.

Padding, pillows, cushions when it happens and in the end we found distraction was the best. She loved Disney movies and some music - when distressed on when a film or music and it would distract sometimes.

Eventually she learnt other ways of communication such as bashing her hands together - less shocking by far.

Good luck it is very tough - sending hugs

@Rafflesway you are so helpful and insightful,thanks so much for the offer pm you, I will definitely do this when I need advice.The one thing I've realised is that no services offer help unless you beg and harass them to.its awful.
I've been househostage since my son was born!its just too hard to take him out ,like your daughter hes a runner,he is attracted to moving vehicles,he has absolutely no sense of danger or awareness and wouldn't think to look for me.hes totally unaware of his surroundings actually.
I dont know if your daughter was like this,but my son screams non stop outdoors,so aside from trying to keep a hold of him I try to keep him quiet,its impossible,supermarkets we just dont do anymore. The thing which also makes walking impossible is he wants to go in the opposite direction of wherever I need to go??!!
I'm really outdoorsy, so this is so hard and I'd love to be able to walk with him comfortably.ill look into the harness you mentioned.
Thanks again

Oh bless you I can totally relate as we have a 5yr old autistic daughter that loves to make noise, but we did notice that she always banged in tune to song that she liked at the time and she had rhythm. Maybe try getting him a drum kit to have out in his bedroom/playroom for a couple of hours in the afternoon before they get hidden away until the same time next day, make it part of his routine. Yes you will still have banging to contend with but at least you know its safe and its not going to cost you a fortune replacing windows and you might even find that he is really good and a natural on the drums.

It would definitely be worth having a chat with Crelling, @Justnotme02.

I know it is many years ago but they were brilliant with us. Here is their website: www.crelling.com. (Dd stopped needing the harness when she was about 12/13 as I recall.)

Your DS sounds very similar in lots of ways. I imagine he is incredibly strong! Our dd could turn a mini by herself seriously. She is so slight you would not believe the strength she has. She didn’t scream when out but pulling to go her own way most definitely! Our dd actually came to love the harness and she insisted she slept in it for years! 🙄

It sounds as if you are alone! Is no-one offering you any respite? You are so right in saying you won’t get anything without making a fuss. I am embarrassed to say I eventually turned into a complete fishwife/harridan! We eventually managed to get one night per week overnight respite when DH and I just slept! Our dd didn’t sleep either and just watched Teletubby videos over and over again all night so we had to keep rewinding as in those days there were no auto rewinds.
This was all before she went to residential school of course.
Although she went to a fabulous school for youngsters with autism initially, after 4 years they had to throw the towel in as our dd just could not cope with activities the other pupils were capable of and she could be downright dangerous at times. I think this is one of the reasons she became so destructive. I think she was really frustrated and this is where residential school was of such massive benefit. How does your DS cope with school?
Surely he must have a SEN placement as a bare minimum?

So sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any personal experience, but thought I should mention I have seen that you can get transparent safety bars for windows like these:
www.viewprotect-online.com/collections/clear-child-protection

Ok
So he’s sensory seeking ...is he distressed when he’s doing it ?
What is his mood when it is happening,
the “why is he doing it “,might help you come up with how to stop it
My son at 6 months old head banged in his cot to soothe,himself to sleep ,the same child at age 10 laid on a concrete floor at school and head banged through the frustration of not having having his needs met
Distraction is your best bet ,as is a head protector,like a soft helmet to protect his skull.
Have you got an ehcp ...if so perhaps a residential school could be considered..
Could he be feeling under stimulated ,have you tried keeping him very busy ,and distracting him when you think he’s going to start banging ..

Also ,have you got a social worker ...and your doctor should be helping you
I sat outside my doctors door ,so many times ,untill he finally helped ,backwards and forwards to doctors appointments untill something was put in place .
Everyone will fob you off ,especially if they can see you are coping they only care for the welfare of the child ,the parents can be on the floor with exhaustion,but if that child is well cared for they do not give a shit About parents ,you have to push and push for services that are your childs right ,and when your already exhausted,it’s often just to difficult to keep pushing for help.
Social worker ,doctor ,school / nursery ,,can all help ,as can a health visitor ..but keep banging on doors ,push and push untill you get some help

You mention the safe space bed. I believe they do a safe space room as well. Would that be an option? That would keep him away from the windows but would still allow light into the room.

I can't think of anything that'd discourage the banging/encourage him elsewhere, but have you considered installing some acoustic foam. It's used in studios to deaden environmental sounds and echoes so that microphones pick up a clear signal, and might be worth a look as it could reduce the sound if placed well.

Something like this: www.amazon.co.uk/Genuine-Pro-coustix-Ultraflex-Quality-Acoustic/dp/B01I9YFKHG/ref=pd_lpo_267_t_1/257-6532365-3855430?psc=1&pf_rd_p=7b8e3b03-1439-4489-abd4-4a138cf4eca6&_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=PPKbk&pf_rd_r=CW2BWMJRZYVVKKNDVT1P&pd_rd_i=B01I9YFKHG&pd_rd_w=0CqDs&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&refRID=CW2BWMJRZYVVKKNDVT1P&pd_rd_r=26e63128-f3ba-45e6-aa39-d113215f5bfc

I remember you posting about this before and I’m so pleased that @Rafflesway is offering you help, support & advice, that must be making you feel a bit better. I hope it continues.