To think talking therapy is just not working

[Binny36]

Just had my first talking therapy session (been having these for over 20 years but this is first of new session). Sorry if I don’t sound coherent and make sense but my mind is jumbled up and I feel fed up. The person I was talking to just sounded very pissed off and annoyed. I’ve had some amazing councellors in the past but unfortunately after 12 weeks you have to have a break for 3 months then back in waiting list. I’m fed up of always talking about my childhood and going over every gory detail. They have notes from previous sessions which she admitted she’s read but needs to hear from me! I explained I don’t want to talk about the past but rather work on myself as I am now with issues with boundaries and low self esteem. Can I have some advice please. Should I continue or find an slyer stick (no idea what). It doesn’t work for me. I feel really down now thinking of the past and how unfair life has been, I don’t want to feel like this every bloody week.

How many courses of counselling/therapy have you had over the years? If you're just having one lot then waiting till you can have another then something isn't working, that could be the type/therapist/you.

I would be looking for a person centred counsellor who is trained to focus on what YOU want to discuss and your feelings in the here and now. If YOU want to talk about your past then they will follow your lead. They are not the expert, you are. They are there to help guide you.
I understand you might not have much choice if you are on a waiting list though.

Also, if you weren't happy with the previous person, please mention it to the agency they work for. Feedback is so important.

Good luck

I had 2+ years of group psychotherapy on the NHS which I truly believe has saved my life. I went with very low expectations (I didn't want group therapy but was told this would be best for me) and thought I'd leave and say I was 'better' after a few sessions. Instead, it was incredibly hard work that challenged me and left me drained initially but over time I realised how I was working through the traumas in my past and building resilience for the future. But it took TIME and CONSISTENCY. The therapist wasn't 'warm' and was challenging, I (and the others in the group!) would get defensive but then we would continue to dig at why we were defensive etc. Also having 4 others in the group who would also challenge each other (but support each other too) made a massive difference.

The waiting lists for this type of therapy are v long and you do need a referral (I originally got a CBT referral but when I was assessed I was told I needed something much more substantial). However, it is available on the NHS and there is a lot of consistency over time. 12 sessions would not have been enough for me, and having to rake over everything every time I saw a new therapist would not have helped. I had over 100 1.5 hour sessions with the group (we were matched to make sure we were a good fit with similar experiences/issues so there was a lot of commonality). I highly highly recommend seeking something similar as a longer term option, and possibly tide yourself over with the 12 sessions until it's available.

@mumofamenagerie It depends where you live and I assume from your post you were on a secondary MH caseload?

In my experience, no-one that isn't would have 100 sessions of anything.

Neron

I agree with what neron has said. i have found how quickly it gets to the point and the strength of emotion that can come out quite scary but i have to grit my teeth and get through it. Emdr is bringing things out that didn't come out in CBT that are helping my depression, but equally CBT was just as helpful to me in dealing with anxiety.

@ICouldBeTheOne Yes it was a secondary MH caseload (according to google as I'd never heard the term!). However I'd have thought this would potentially be appropriate for the OP as they have been accessing counselling/therapy services for 20 years which indicated to me that there might be a more long-term problem that short-term solutions weren't helping with. Of course I could be wrong so please ignore me if so OP and this isn't appropriate!

@mumofamenagerie

I had 2+ years of group psychotherapy on the NHS which I truly believe has saved my life. I went with very low expectations (I didn't want group therapy but was told this would be best for me) and thought I'd leave and say I was 'better' after a few sessions. Instead, it was incredibly hard work that challenged me and left me drained initially but over time I realised how I was working through the traumas in my past and building resilience for the future. But it took TIME and CONSISTENCY. The therapist wasn't 'warm' and was challenging, I (and the others in the group!) would get defensive but then we would continue to dig at why we were defensive etc. Also having 4 others in the group who would also challenge each other (but support each other too) made a massive difference.

The waiting lists for this type of therapy are v long and you do need a referral (I originally got a CBT referral but when I was assessed I was told I needed something much more substantial). However, it is available on the NHS and there is a lot of consistency over time. 12 sessions would not have been enough for me, and having to rake over everything every time I saw a new therapist would not have helped. I had over 100 1.5 hour sessions with the group (we were matched to make sure we were a good fit with similar experiences/issues so there was a lot of commonality). I highly highly recommend seeking something similar as a longer term option, and possibly tide yourself over with the 12 sessions until it's available.

Was it a DBT group? That's the only group therapy the NHS provide in my trust. Very helpful for a specific type of client/presenting issue but not suitable for many.