To want to be emotionally stronger

[Binny36]

Advice please? How can I emotionally be stronger without letting small things bring me down and stop spiralling our of control over everyday nuisances?

If you find out, let me know.

Same here. I am a complete mess. I desperately need to grow a thicker skin.

I have no idea, but I’m interested to hear what others say.

@Binny36, is this related to your other recent thread about friendships, which led to you resolving to be more assertive in your relationships?

Because if so, other people, particularly those who have benefited from your people-pleasing, aren’t going to like you starting to say no. This in no way means you shouldn’t say no, but it does mean you need to not rely on external validation while you’re doing it. And it’s going to feel frightening and counter-intuitive at first.

I seem to be very thin skinned as well so I sympathise. I think you need to be kind to yourself, this is a difficult time & you shouldn't dismiss your feelings, they are valid. Perhaps you could try meditating or reading about mindfulness to try & help you feel more grounded and less likely to spiral.

Thank you everyone.

@LesNanas that’s interesting actually. Thank you!

Perspective.
Books.

Keep away from people. They fuck with your head.

I was like that.. and had anxiety.. and had a very emotional topsy turvy, noisy inner life and upsetting dreams.. . and did yoga, excercise, mass and read self help books and meditation .. I'm pre menopausal, and I got anxious one weekend and couldn't calm down. GP gave me lexapro and I wish I d done it years ago.. all those noisy thoughts are gone, those horrible dreams.. feel much calmer everyday. .. take care..

I’ve got a higher intensity counselling session over the phone tomorrow. I have no idea what it is but hopefully will help. I have 2 usernames on mumsnet as I get anxious about revealing too much information and people in real life will identify it’s me! I’m not sure if I’ve discussed under this name or another but the counselling is to help me deal with issues from my childhood ( neglect, physical and sexual abuse). I just feel broken all the time and tried anti depressants for one day but couldn’t deal with side affects. I’m so surprised the appointment has come so quickly! It might just be an assessment and I might have to wait for real treatment.

Yes I need to try yoga and stay away from annoying people - easier said than done! Someone recommended a book “body keeps the score”. It’s quite intense and it’s bringing up really painful memories I didn’t even think about for years.

1. Positive self talk. E.g. I am good at this, I will succeed , I am liked etc etc
2. Challenge those automatic negative thoughts critically in your own head - e.g. why did they say that - do they think I am I lazy/Ugly/selfish? Challenge it - Here are 3 things I know about me that challenge those ideas. Am I being kind to myself by thinking that? Will I care about them / this in 6 months time? no ? in which case why care now. ...
3. Grey rock with people who try to bully or undermine or hurt you.
4. Don’t show your emotions to people who will try to use that to hurt you
5. Make allies with others, leave less time for the things to get in your head.

This is now I do it anyway x

Plus do one thing every day that makes you happy ( no one else just you)

Thanks Paperthin x

It takes time. And even then, you are who you are ...

Remember, you are always stronger (more resilient) than you think, if you are getting up the next morning.

You are sensitive and emotional, that is not a crime, but a gift, it makes you a nice person. So, don't let those who envy you, bully you into thinking you are lacking in any way. It is they who are lacking.

There is lots of self-help stuff out there & it works. But changing a habit of a lifetime, & will take time, effort and willing.

Just be yourself, to those who care about and love you; and guard yourself against those who don't (cos' they don't really matter).

peace and love
link Everyone's Got Something by by Perrin Lamb on Youtube

Take time when something triggers you to understand whether the person meant it or you’re being oversensitive. If something immediately triggers you take some deep breaths

For me I found not reacting immediately helps, like an extension of counting to 10 when you are angry. Try to stay on an even keel. Protect your boundaries.

Boundaries are the key. Having them and enforcing them. Not everyone will like it but you can do it in a nice way.

@KILNAMATRA

I was like that.. and had anxiety.. and had a very emotional topsy turvy, noisy inner life and upsetting dreams.. . and did yoga, excercise, mass and read self help books and meditation .. I'm pre menopausal, and I got anxious one weekend and couldn't calm down. GP gave me lexapro and I wish I d done it years ago.. all those noisy thoughts are gone, those horrible dreams.. feel much calmer everyday. .. take care..

I could have written this, though I’m only on day 2 of Lexapro so no idea how much it will help me. Your post gives me hope though. Thanks!

I think I am emotionally quite strong.

I think it is because I don’t dwell too much on what people say or think of me.
To me that is their issue not mine.
I also realised at a young age that people don’t have the time or brain space to take notice of a lot of what other people do or say.
They have enough stuff going on in their own lives to be worried about other people’s words or actions.

And if they are noticing or commenting on thongs then it is probably because their life is quite empty.

If someone asks you to do something pause, if it it difficult to say no tell them you will check and get back to them if you can. Gives a chance to think about it. As you stop being so amenable user types will go elsewhere.

1. Positive self talk. E.g. I am good at this, I will succeed , I am liked etc etc

I don't personally like affirmations and find that trying to talk myself into the opposite of what I'm feeling makes me feel worse. My approach is acceptance. I don't struggle against the thoughts I'm having. I just think "ok, I'm currently having the thought that I suck and everyone hates me. It will pass." For me, it works better to accept myself completely and that includes accepting that sometimes I experience self-loathing and have thoughts about hating myself. This is just something that happens to me (and many, many other people!) sometimes and I'm not going to feel bad about it. Feeling bad about feeling bad is a vicious circle that is very hard to break. Forgive yourself for having difficult and bad thoughts! It's not your fault. It's normal.

For me, forced positivity sends the message that I'm not fundamentally ok. That doesn't mean moaning to everyone who will do listen, or wallowing in my own misery. Quite the opposite. I get over it quicker when I'm not fighting it!