What do you want out of life?

[ohwhat2do]

I'm mid 40s have a perfect life on paper but suffering from depression due to abusive childhood. I'm seeing a therapist but I'm realising I'm unclear what I want to do with my life. I have a good job, a bit stressful but aren't all jobs? Lovely DH and DCs and nice house etc. I don't have any real hobbies though and I'm not particularly ambitious work wise now. Does anyone else feel like this and what have you been doing to address? I am confused!! Thx

@bridgetreilly

Make a vision board, OP. I've done The Artist's Way a few times and always found it's helped me in all kinds of ways, but the one exercise that really transformed my life was that one. Get a big A0 sheet of card and spend some time going through magazines, printing things from the internet, or even making your own images. Cut out everything that appeals to you. Then sort and refine. What areas of life do they relate to: home, family, work, health, creativity, etc? And then make a collage that illustrates the life that you want. Some of it may look like your life now, hooray! Some of it may seem like crazy dreaming. Some of it may only need small changes. But all of it should inspire and motivate you.

Genuinely, I did it and within a year almost all of it had happened, even the crazy dreams.

Thanks Bridge I like the idea of making a board and think it might help me work out what I'd like to do / make / have and then see how I can go about that....

I also think arranging some fun days out is a good idea too. Particularly at the moment all the days seem to be the same as others and weekends roll into the weekdays with no real boundaries. We live in a very urban area so perhaps we should hire a car and go out to the countryside more often.

Maybe we should be focusing on adding small things to our lives rather than searching for that big thing (which I can't seem to find!!) and then overall things will feel better?

What do you enjoy?
What makes you smile?

I love flowers and so I plant loads in the garden and the pleasure I get from them is immense.
I have the career, the house etc but looking at sweet peas and seeing the butterflies and bees gives me more joy. (I’m bloody thrilled about the broccoli I’ve grown )
I have a vision board too but, especially during lockdown, I have realised how much nature and the garden mean so I need to change it.

Focus on those things that bring you joy and you might learn something surprising about yourself.

On paper there is plenty I don't have. I have a decent job but I could go higher. Except I don't want to. I earn enough for my needs and wants, and have a good work/life balance. I don't own my own home, but I am in a very nice HA house with a secure lifetime tenancy. I never learnt to drive, but I live in London now anyway and don't really need to. I don't have a partner (although do have 2 grown up DC) but I don't want one either! Essentially there are plenty of "goals" I could set myself. But what has brought me the most happiness in life is being happy as I am. To be able to finally stop and just enjoy what I do have. For me, that came with turning 50. So I don't have any magical answers! Although what I do have, and you mentioned you don't, is lots of hobbies. I also like to travel a fair bit (in normal times). I think this is what keeps things fresh and interesting for me.

I think one of the hardest things in life is learning to tell the difference between the two elements of the Serenity Prayer; that which you need to have the courage to change, and that which you need to make peace with. And the next step, which is learning to appreciate the steady state once you've accepted that this is what it is.

I don't claim to have mastered this at all.