How to reduce the ‘mental load’ and automate more

[FollowYourOwnNorthStar]

In AIBU for traffic.

Like a good many people I suppose, the mental load of carrying everything is starting to get to me. I have no partner to help, so it all falls to me.

I’ll trying to set up automatic things, to reduce these ‘mental load’ and thinking tasks. I’ve just set done it with finances and direct debits for bills and payments. I’ve also set up a rail in my bedroom to set out the weekly clothes for work and any other events, so I can just do this without thinking each day too. I’ve also ordered Hello Fresh meal box, so the mental load of meal planning, shopping and then going back and forth every night about what to cook is reduced.

I’m trying to think of others I can do, to reduce the constant need to keep things in my mind to keep our lives running.

Does anyone have any suggestions from their own lives? I’d be very grateful.

I didn’t mean to set the vote, apologies.

Was going to suggest a food box like HelloFresh.
We've had it for a while now and that is the single best thing I've done to ease the load.

I have a digital planner for work and home. I write down everything that needs doing and when. If it is a recurring thing, like pay school lunches, I can set up a recurring reminder. I then know I don't have to worry about it until it shows up in the planner.

Spend an evening putting reminders into your calendar (phone or whatever you use) a week ahead of all the birthdays you need to remember. You could buy all the cards for the year in one hit and keep them in a box to write as you need them, pre-addressed and stamped. It doesn't take any less time to do, but it takes a lot less remembering time.

I have a chores rota pinned up (ho blinking ho to encourage the DC...) but actually find it helps a lot as it's a zone per day so I take a quick look in the morning and think oh yes, I'll do 30m on that - rather than having to think what's the priority, if you see what I mean?

Also lists - I have a Big List of house/garden/DIY stuff that needs doing and at the start of the month I choose which need to happen and assign them to a weekend, writing it into the calendar. Somehow giving them a specific date means they stand a greater chance of actually happening.

Have a look at a book called 'Getting things done'. It is a system for organising and recording everything so that you don't have to keep remembering everything. It definitely helps with the mental load. I found out about it from a similar thread on here a year or two ago.

Thank you, these all sounds very helpful and exactly the kind of things I wanted.

And yes, @MutteringDarkly I know exactly what you mean! Most days when I’ve just had too much thinking or decision making, I just want to be the ‘employee’ being told what to do to keep everything running, not the decision maker too!

THe Batch Lady is good as a slightly cheaper alternative to HelloFresh
I could do with a few more of these - although at the moment I feel like life is still on hold

I have a meal plan in my kitchen so I don't have to think what we're eating,
A physical calendar with a section for each family member and a todo box every day,
A notice board with each day of the week on so school /hospital letters are in the right place,
A home for everything,
Routines for the children,
Children know what's expected of them,
Emergency meals for if not well etc,
Sort emails immediately and save or delete and set reminders for things that need completing.

I order a delivery from Cook every so often so have a supply of meals in.

EVERYTHING is on outlook calendar at work... So in September I put the year's school holidays and events in. I pay everything by SO or DD. Anything I can't is scheduled where possible... Ie beginning of each term.. First Monday.. I pay for that half term school dinners, class fund and after school activities.
I have a cleaner... Other jobs are on outlook as repeats.. Car service, Mot, oven clean, deep clean... Etc

I try to deal with all paperwork immediately... Be it party invites, school letters or bills. Everything on noticeboards and all kids stuff on outlook..

Simplify your life (i.e. do less), and then there is less to organise.

And for the things I still do need to do, I put it all on my Google calendar.

Form habits by tying jobs to things. e. g. I don't even think about brushing my teeth before bed, it's just habit so it happens. I used to be good at 'Dinner finished, wash up'. Then I got lax. That means I have to mentally decide to do it and summon the will to. That's work. So I'm trying to be better about just doing it. Stuff like that can help to cut the thinking needed.

I've got a milkman now. And subscribed to loo roll delivery. Signing up for a weekly veg box. Food seems to be an area that we get stressed about so we are meal planning too.
Amazon enables you to automate celeries of household essentials.

Deliveries! Not celeries!

We pretty much have the same set of meals during the week and then choose from a range of favourites at the weekend.

I agree with the previous poster about making things part of your routine. Try to treat the routine as relaxing like self care.

Just as an aside I saw this YouTube clip about a fearful rescue bird learning not to panic and it really helped me concerning worrying about stuff. Every time I worry now I just think of the panicky parrot.

Everything time/date sensitive goes on my phone calendar: birthdays, car insurance, tax, passport renewals etc.

Food is a two week rotation of the same 13 meals with 1 takeaway thrown in. This is updated every 2 months or so. Most of these meals can be batch cooked so weekday dinners can just be reheats to save time.

Housework is on a rota, mondays bathroom, tuesdays dusting, wednesday kitchen, thursday hoovering etc.

Having the DC understand what's expected of them helps too. They know that they have to help choose meals/tidy their rooms/tidy etc.

Moonpig can send reminders for birthday and cards - not sure if you can set them up in bulk but could be worth a look.

For birthdays I have a list and at the end of the month I buy all the cards and presents for the following month in one hit.

Not quite mental load territory but I make full use of the delayed start option on my washing machine. Fill it up at night, and set the timer so it's finished by the time i come out the shower in the morning. Then i hang clothes up to dry before I start work. Just feels nice having it done in morning rather than having to sort at night!

I am in awe at how organised others are! But the start of lockdown made me quite good at setting a weekly meal plan and sticking to it. It does mean we are having a lot of similar meals each week at the moment, but there is something quite reassuring about that too. When I have had a busy day I can make those meals without thinking. Then at the weekend it feels a bit more exciting to have something new.
I wouldn't want to automate everything though.

For shopping lists - use an app like Google Shopping Lists, it allows you to tick off things as you go round the shop. It also remembers your ticked off items so that it's quick for you to do the next shopping list.

Eliminate certain jobs which are nice to do but not essential. I stopped buying presents for friends (except for very special occasions like weddings etc) and found that saved me a lot of time (and money).

I've been batch cooking and freezing dinners portioned out, then in the morning I can lift out and leave on the side, defrosted and ready to be put in the microwave for that evening

@FollowYourOwnNorthStar do you currently only limit emails and phone checking to a couple of times a day. This used to be a HUGE drain on my time and productivity!

All in one printer scanner you can link to your phone. Get a school /clubs letter on email. Print complete and scan back immediately.

Any event's for school in phone calendar as soon as school newsletter comes out.

Don't always batch cook as such but make an extra portion and freeze that for days when needed.

Can you automated school meals payment - parent pay does that now . Just auto tops it up when it falls below a certain amount.

Box downstairs for school uniform and selection of knickers etc. Saves putting washing away and easy to put / grab from one box.

All in one printer scanner you can link to your phone. Get a school /clubs letter on email. Print complete and scan back immediately.

Any event's for school in phone calendar as soon as school newsletter comes out.

Don't always batch cook as such but make an extra portion and freeze that for days when needed.

Can you automated school meals payment - parent pay does that now . Just auto tops it up when it falls below a certain amount.

Box downstairs for school uniform and selection of knickers etc. Saves putting washing away and easy to put / grab from one box.

All in one printer scanner you can link to your phone. Get a school /clubs letter on email. Print complete and scan back immediately.

Any event's for school in phone calendar as soon as school newsletter comes out.

Don't always batch cook as such but make an extra portion and freeze that for days when needed.

Can you automated school meals payment - parent pay does that now . Just auto tops it up when it falls below a certain amount.

Box downstairs for school uniform and selection of knickers etc. Saves putting washing away and easy to put / grab from one box.

At the start of the school year all school holidays etc go on a big wall planner. There is a timetable and kit list on the fridge.

Whenever I get asked about holidays or sports kit or after school events I point people at those (even when I know the answer - I am not the external reference/ memory service)

I buy a big stash of stationery at the start of the school year that goes into a dedicated drawer.

I have a pot of £1 coins for mufti days, cake sales etc.