Different stage in life - social interactions

[coffeewithmilk]

Myself and my husband have been married for 2 years. We met when we were abroad and lived together before moving home to my hometown. DH is from elsewhere - all of his friends live in his hometown.
I had been away for quite a few years but still kept in contact with my group of friends from home. Some came to my wedding.
Over the past 2 years of us living here, we both just don't want to hang out with them - I feel like all they do is go out drinking and none are married, some have boyfriends but nothing serious. My DH just feels they are at a complete different stage of their lives to us.

I feel bad always declining invitations to go to parties etc, but when I really think about it : our close close friends don't live anywhere near us.
AIBU to constantly decline invitations? Or should we start making an effort. I don't want to be known as the couple that never go out.

Lockdown has made me realise how much I like just staying in and enjoying my husband and family's company, and the thought of a big party makes me feel incredibly anxious and uncomfortable

I don't know what I'm looking to gain from this post, maybe people that are in the same boat?

I don't think it's unreasonable to find yourself drifting apart from friendship groups.
There's that saying, people come into your life for a reason, season or a life time.

If you don't want to be friends with these people any more, that's fine. You can just keep declining invitations and they'll get the message eventually. But you just have to remember, YOU decided to burn the bridge. If, for some reason, you find yourself missing them in the months and years to come, don't expect to be warmly welcomed back into the fold. Because you won't be.

You may also find that, when you come out of the "newly married glow" phase, that you want local friends who aren't doing all the same things as you. Chats about mortgages, wedding venues, local schools, breast feeding - all get boring pretty quick.

It's totally okay to be a different life stages, but think carefully before cutting them out. You may well find that you want them again in later years.

"The older we get, the more we need the people we knew when we were young."

How old are you OP?

Thank you @zingally it makes a lot of sense what you have said, and will definitely take it on board. Most of our best friends live abroad where we used to live because we were there for nearly 10 years. We moved back to my hometown to be closer to my family after a bereavement

@Isthisfairornot I'm 28 and DH is 34

YANBU because everyone has different personalities but I don't think that not being married has anything to do with it. I'm a mother and I still love going out to parties and socialising.

If you don't want to cut contact, why don't you invite them/create events for the kind of things you would like to do? Picnics/go for coffee/have them round to dinner? You can still see them, just doesn't have to be a party

You say that "we" don't want to socialise. It's nice to have friends that are separate from your partner I think.
Don't be too rash to cut off.

Sounds to me like it’s your husband driving this. “We” “he says they are at a different stage to us”

I’d see them maybe for lunch ect without your husband maybe just stop going to the drinking side of things.

Do you want to be friends with them? If yes, then why not suggest something that you enjoy. If no, then keep declining and they will eventually stop asking.

I also don't think this has anyhting to do with being married. Your interests have just changed.

We’re in a similar situation, recently moved back to my hometown after living abroad together for years. DH is from elsewhere and his friends and our couple friends are all scattered around.
DH doesn’t have a huge amount in common with my friends from my hometown, but makes the effort to socialise and enjoys it when he does. Usually though I see them on my own. We either go for drinks/a meal or the occasional spa afternoon or something. There’s a reason I was friends with them in the first place and I still enjoy their company.

I think moving to different phases of life, with different preoccupations inevitably brings with it certain challenges for relationships. It's normal that if your priorities are different to theirs you may want to dial down the emphasis a bit. If the friendships are good quality they will survive -- lifelong friendships can survive a bit of difference.

I would say though, in the nicest possible way, that your post comes across as ever so slightly smug: you say of them "some have boyfriends but nothing serious", as if this were a badge of moral standing. Actually relationships come and go, some would say there's nothing wrong with placing more value on your female friends than investing too much, too soon in a relationship.

Don't be too hasty to cut people off just because they aren't married. I wish you all the luck in the world with your marriage but having some friends around you as a sounding board and support is a very solid investment. You don't have to go out on the lash with them, but don't look down your nose at them because they're not smugly settled.

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I know that marriage has nothing to do with it, and I didn't mean to sound bad when I said some of them have boyfriends but nothing serious - I meant it that they are not in serious stage of their life.. it's hard to put what I'm thinking into words without it coming across bad.
My DH and I are wanting to start a family soon - and the group of friends are concerned with wanting to get to the pubs as soon as it opens and plaster their lives on Instagram.
I do like a night out, but a more civilised one.

It's just a very odd situation - wishing we lived near our closer group of friends who are abroad as we all have everything in common... but also want to be close to my family.

I guess it's hard to have the best of both worlds.

Thank you all for your advice, I will definitely take it all on board and tread carefully with decisions