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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To report this concerning language?

22 replies

flippertygibblet · 06/07/2020 00:48

So my 10 year old son has been getting messages off a so called school friend. Now, I'm well aware kids can be cruel & say nasty things but this child was using vile language & saying some really awful things in my opinion. The main thing that sticks out the most is he kept telling my son his dad is a paedo (he isn't!!) and said (& I quote) 'Your dad is a peado who picks up 12 year old girls & rapes them but they don't even know they're being raped coz your dad's dick is so small'. My son was completely confused & didn't seem to know what this meant (thankfully), I was absolutely horrified that a child of 10 would say something like this, it really concerns me. AIBU to report this to the school?? Thanks for any advice

OP posts:

VioletGrace · 06/07/2020 01:19

I would screen shot the messages and forward them all to the school.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 06/07/2020 01:27

Screenshot and email school

ItsLeviooosar · 06/07/2020 01:28

You need to report this

Disquieted1 · 06/07/2020 01:29

I'm shocked. I hate the 'Should I report' threads generally but in this instance you can't let it go.

You need to inform his parents certainly and probably the school as well.

managedmis · 06/07/2020 01:30

Yes, very concerning

Drat123 · 06/07/2020 01:44

Definitely report.

My DS is also 10, and he too would be confused. I'm positive he has no clue what those words mean. When DC was in year 2 he heard a boy from their class talking about sex. He decided to come home and google the word as he was curious what it meant. Luckily it was on DH's phone so he found out before DC could see anything and so DC told us everything. I went into school the next day and reported the boy, and it was not taken lightly by the headteacher.

OP, it's highly inappropriate, I'd be concerned what that child is being exposed to.

Goosefoot · 06/07/2020 01:51

Yes, this is bad and also a flag for whats going on with this kid at home.

YesMoreGinPlease · 06/07/2020 01:55

Report report report.

I wonder how this child knows that type of language? I feel sorry for him as well he is too young to know what that means

lordjesusblessmycavies8 · 06/07/2020 01:59

It makes me wonder whether this child is being exposed to some internet pornography, It is shockingly easy for children to download porn. And because children are more tech savvy than our generation, we cannot always keep up with them.

Sittingontheveranda · 06/07/2020 02:31

A friend of mine had a similar issue with inappropriate language being used by her daughter's friend. (It was nothing near as graphic, violent or vile as what your son heard). I'm not sure how she found out but it turned out that the girl had heard this language from her older siblings.

I'd be very concerned if I heard a child talking like this.

However in case there is a safeguarding issue, it would be better to report it to the school. The school can contact the parents directly and I think this could work better in case the parents aren't the approachable sort.

NewNameNewShoes · 06/07/2020 02:38

I heard a lot of this kind of stuff certainly by the age of 12, if not at 10yo. Pretty common among young lads. And I attended a pretty posh school in the whole scheme of things. I'd defo address it though.

Duvetdoggy · 06/07/2020 03:18

Why is it a school issue though? School cant monitor a student sending messages from their own phone. I'd let the parents know too.

The school can of course try to deal with this student but they cannot monitor his messages.

Unless this is happening during school time.

alexdgr8 · 06/07/2020 03:27

schools have safeguarding persons, who can advise, intervene, report as appropriate.
are you sure OP that the sender is another 10 year old child.

Persiaclementine · 06/07/2020 06:02

It is in the school policy to deal with bullying, including cyber bullying. I urge any parents to inform the school if your child is receiving messages like this or any form of bullying to inform the school.

hardboiledeggs · 06/07/2020 06:04

Absolutely report this. Makes you wonder what this kid is hearing at home to even make these comments, like your Son, I'd like to think my kids wouldn't understand what he meant.

lemmathelemmin · 06/07/2020 06:22

This boy may not have learnt this at home. People do forget the influence of peer group at this age. Its not always the parents fault

Wallywobbles · 06/07/2020 07:17

@Duvetdoggy

Why is it a school issue though? School cant monitor a student sending messages from their own phone. I'd let the parents know too.

The school can of course try to deal with this student but they cannot monitor his messages.

Unless this is happening during school time.

Schools advise parents not to contact other parents. All pupil issues should pass via school.

ArriettyJones · 06/07/2020 07:20

Of course YANBU. The alternative is to leave it, which doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?

SteelyPanther · 06/07/2020 07:55

I would also report it to the school nurse, this way it will be on his record if he moves schools.
Some parents move schools to try and get away from the problem instead of resolving it.

Original poster

flippertygibblet · 06/07/2020 18:05

Thank you for all the replies, we have spoken to the school who are going to be holding a safe guarding meeting to discuss next steps/way forward.

OP posts:

Malbecfan · 06/07/2020 18:09

Well done OP. Definitely the best thing to do. Maybe also praise your DS for bringing the messages to your attention or if he didn't, remind him gently of what to do if something similar happens.

UniversalAunt · 06/07/2020 18:15

@flippertygibblet Good to see you move quickly on this matter.

Flip