How to deal with guilt and regret

[Justkeeepsmiling]

Hi, I put this on the Chat topic but haven't had any response so I'm trying on here

I'm struggling at the moment and wondered if anyone has any advice or help please? I lost my job a couple of months ago - A situation I got involved in, although not as involved as much as my work thought, I got dismissed because of it, I appealed and lost - Because of this I am now claiming benefits. I feel so guilty the implications this has had on everybody.
My DS is off school, obviously. He is so bored. I try and think of things to do with him everyday, but other than walks, I'm struggling. Things have slowly started to open up, but I just don't have the money to do anything with him. He sits in his room a lot of the time, I keep asking him whats wrong and if he is ok, he insists that he is, but I get the feeling he is sitting up there out the way, Like he doesn't want to sit with me, or do anything with me and I can't help but think it's because I'm miserable. I regret my involvement in the work situation everyday, I feel guilty every time I see my DS and I just cant seem to move on.

What are your prospects for a new job? I hope things improve for you.

@GhostCurry

What are your prospects for a new job? I hope things improve for you.

I am looking everyday for work and applying for all that are suitable, It's not the best time to be looking though.

Not the best time to be out of work, That should say

No, you’re right. I can understand why you might be feeling down.
I’m abroad so not really sure what the rules are around lockdown right now - can your son meet up with friends?

@GhostCurry

No, you’re right. I can understand why you might be feeling down. I’m abroad so not really sure what the rules are around lockdown right now - can your son meet up with friends?

Its all a bit confusing TBH, I'm not sure he can meet up with friends yet. He is only 11, so I don't think he would be allowed.

Cut yourself some slack. You have acknowledged your part in whatever happened at work but now its time to move on.

I am also type of person who shoulders a lot of guilt. Stuff from my past, stuff I couldn't prevent etc etc.. theres always a guilty feeling in me and I think that stems from childhood.

You know the cliche saying of one door closes and another door opens. Well it's true, may not be the door you want or expect but in the grand scheme of things life is just one big rollercoaster and we have to roll with it and face our challenges head on.
Your life may turn out better for it, you may meet new people who can have a huge impact on your life, you just never know.
Everything happens for a reason.

Try to spend the day with your son doing something he would enjoy rather than what you would like.

Have a chat with him about how hes feeling if he will open up. Tell him how you plan to make changes for a better future.
That should start with some job searching, preparing a cv etc.

Dont lose faith. We all have shitty episodes in life and we all make mistakes.

You will learn from it and grow, life will move on, then there will probably be another challenge

@Anthilda

Cut yourself some slack. You have acknowledged your part in whatever happened at work but now its time to move on.

I am also type of person who shoulders a lot of guilt. Stuff from my past, stuff I couldn't prevent etc etc.. theres always a guilty feeling in me and I think that stems from childhood.

You know the cliche saying of one door closes and another door opens. Well it's true, may not be the door you want or expect but in the grand scheme of things life is just one big rollercoaster and we have to roll with it and face our challenges head on.
Your life may turn out better for it, you may meet new people who can have a huge impact on your life, you just never know.
Everything happens for a reason.

Try to spend the day with your son doing something he would enjoy rather than what you would like.

Have a chat with him about how hes feeling if he will open up. Tell him how you plan to make changes for a better future.
That should start with some job searching, preparing a cv etc.

Dont lose faith. We all have shitty episodes in life and we all make mistakes.

You will learn from it and grow, life will move on, then there will probably be another challenge

It is just so frustrating to know that I had nothing to do with the outcome of what happened at work. I innocently played my part and got wrapped up in it. I ask DS what he wants to do but he doesn't come up with anything. He's not a boy who likes to make dens, or go wild life spotting, or anything like that so it's tricky to come up with ideas. You are right about things happening for a reason, I just need to find that reason. Thank you for your reply though,

It's so sad you are in this situation in a time like this but you absolutely can not let it beat you.
At least now you know that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation at work you will behave differently.

My son is very much the same tbh, not interested in 'typical' boy activities most of the time.
What he has enjoyed is learning how to cook and bake. This is what we did throughout lockdown.
Do you think your ds would take an interest in something like that?

In the meantime, keep trying to find employment, and remember to make time for yourself.
Not time to ruminate over what's happened but a little bit of time each day for self care, whether that's a book or a bath or a bit of running.

I hope things start to look up for you soon.