Aibu to feel like I don't belong...does everyone feel like this at times.

[whatisforteamum]

I don't know if my broken tooth and bit of earache is laying me low(appointment is booked for end july ).I've been feeling quite down.
I have made the most of lockdown and kept a routine going quite happy making the most of what I do have.not what I dont.
Plenty of.energy and positive vibes to pull everyone through.
Now everyone is meeting up in groups and seeing friends I feel I don't belong.
I normally work long hours so don't have much freetime.I love my alone time too.
I walked past a big group of young and realised I am on the outside.
My dh.doesn't understand my low self.esteem.I always feel like I am not good enough.I grew up in a strict critical environment so wonder if that is the reason.Now I am mid 50s I wonder does everyone.feel like they don't belong sometimes?
Is this just too much time with only dh.and.DS for company.The post sounds self pitying and it isn't meant to.Otto
Does everyone feel on the outside sometimes?

I think everyone feels like this sometimes TBH. However if you have earache and a broken tooth as well ,it will defo be getting you down! I have had no hearing in my ear for about 3/4 weeks now (wax build up)my GP no longer does wax removal,as and the hearing clinic is closed ,as it is classed as non essential! Got an appt at last!

I’m late 40’s and have felt like this often in my life. I have had opportunities to develop friendships, but just don’t want to, as I really do like my own company, and spending time with DH and DCs. But then I feel like I should make more effort, but find it draining tbh. I attended a friend’s funeral last year, who had had cancer. It was a catholic funeral, and there were literally over 100 people there. It got me thinking about if I died how many people would be at my funeral, and calculated probably about 20! Society conditions you to want to be popular and surrounded by lots of friends and family, so you feel odd if you don’t want that, but I’m getting more comfortable being ‘odd’ as I get older.

Good luck with that dottiedodah.

Yes I can relate to what you have written. It’s exhausting because it’s unnatural. Just be yourself and if it doesn’t work, you don’t belong in that circle. I have learnt to accept that I don’t want to belong in some circles. Quality not quantity.

Thank you for this thread, OP! I feel like this from time to time and feel especially low as friends of ours met up and had a great time at pub this weekend, they said we couldn't go as only 2 households able to meet up, which is understandable as we shouldn't be breaking the rules. I feel like such an outsider and have been home alone all weekend, which makes things worse as dwelling on everything. Hope you find a way to feel better soon.

Also feel like the only weirdo at the party but am good at putting on a jolly front even though I am dying inside. Think some of it is the way I'm wired, made worse due to perimenopause.

I don't think there are any like-minded weirdos around here (where I live). Lots of soccer moms, flashing their whitened teeth and flexing their toned abs.

I'm not wealthy, I don't own a white SUV, I rarely put on makeup and when I talk to others, I'm just myself. I don't care about status symbols or appearing flawlessly groomed. I value sincerity and a well-developed SOH. Sigh!

I feel like this too.

At 62 you'd think i'd have my life sorted!

I do think as women we tend to focus on our DP/DH and DC and our homes/jobs and we lose touch with friends (who are doing the same) men, in my experience, feel more able to make time for friends and hobbies without guilt and tend to keep in touch and make new friends as adults more easily. I'm generalising from my own experience of course. Since getting divorced and DC being older my social life has really taken off.

I think everyone feels like this from time to time.

And to be honest I don't think its a bad thing to feel like this from time to time. I think being too embedded into a "tribe" for too long can actually hold you back a bit.

I've been in loads of different "tribes" at various points in my life but never felt fully enmeshed. I've always felt slightly on the sidelines. And honestly I think its better to retain a degree of independence and perspective. It allows you to get the best of the tribe but without sacrificing your sense of self.

If I look back at all those tribes I've been part of, in every case there are at most one or two people who have become lifelong friends. And generally I'm able to appreciate the values and the fun etc that the tribe brought but glad that it didn't ever take over my life.

Being an outsider can be very useful. Don't knock it.

I am guilty of working long hours though and putting all my spare energy into the home and family.I work weekends Xmas Easter evenings etc which is fine.I have had to develop a weird sense of humour and more male attitude I guess.as.I work with predominantly men.I guess this hasn't helped me relate to women though I am a very caring empathetic person.
I do feel a little bit like life is aimed at younger people.Mostly I am happy in my own skin so I don't really know why I suddenly feel lost.
That must be difficult when others have to choose one household to visit so someone has to be left out sparklesallover.

Yes. I have friends but not really anyone to go to the cinema with or call for a proper chat. I have always felt a bit of an outsider, even in my own family.

But I think I have finally realised at almost 40 that I prefer being alone. I find it hard to make pointless chitchat and am a homeboy, so going out isn't even that appealing. When I was single I didn't really see anyone except for work and dates and was actually fine, not lonely at all.

I still do sometimes wonder why I feel like a square piece in a round hole and have even looked at female autism as i do have some traits, but I think I have just stopped worrying as much

Homeboy? Homebody.

I think I put too much effort into being a good friend, then am disappointed when friends don't have the same regard to me. DH and I are never the first ones on anyones list, even though we are chatty, sociable and enjoy having fun.

I sometimes feel this way too, OP. In fact, I could have more or less written your post.
Most of the time I'm ok - and like you, a positive person overall - but these feelings are definitely exacerbated when I'm feeling a bit depressive.

And I certainly feel like life is passing me by. You are sooooo not alone!

I even have the tooth and ear thing too, and suspect I'm heading for the menopause soon. I come from a large family too, and even feel in the outside there sometimes (I live further away than they do, which doesn't help). This makes me feel horribly insecure, as normally they're my constant.
So weirdly coincidental!