Have you ever forgiven yourself?

[OhioOhioOhio]

How did you forgive yourself? What did you forgive yourself for? Did it make you feel better?

Have you?

No. Watching a t. v. programme right now. Queer Eye in Japan. Someone forgave themselves. It occurred to me that I should do that too. I think. I need to forgive myself for allowing my xh to treat me so badly. I think.

You don't need to forgive yourself so much as not blame yourself on that. Manipulative arseholes can be hard to spot

Thank you. Its been years now and his bad behaviour and my divorce truly define me. I dont know how to shake it off.

I have had one of those days when my brain has been reminding me of every crap thing I've ever done, from the age of around 7. It's got a lot of material.

Yes. I forgive myself. And I also celebrate my triumphs. I wanted to go open water swimming today, got in and bolted (too cold). But I'm proud of myself for getting in. And for staying in my wet cozzi on the bank for 30 minutes. Next time maybe I'll manage more than 20 seconds in the water!

OP.

My therapist recently recommended that I look into 'ruminating' - it sounds like that's what you're doing too, playing over past events as a sort of stick to beat yourself with. I know it's really hard to kick the habit but it might be worth having a look at a few of the resources that are out there about rumination. This one is a good start. I'm finding that grounding techniques are really helping me, as is meditation-type pushing the thoughts out of my mind/consciously trying to clear it, if that makes sense.

Take care

I will do that. I guess that's it. I feel like the stick is stuck to my face and everyone knows.

Not really, have learned to compartmentalise though. I do spend my life trying to be better than I was.

You were caught out by a con artist. Its not just possible to forgive yourself and move on, you owe it to yourself. As long as you are ruminating he is still in your head.

Every time you catch yourself ruminating, read a few pages of Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That?
www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Yes, that's an excellent book. I guess it's the reality of being alone as a, single mum and how outside I feel compared to ever before.