Pregnant and miserable

[J3ssicaJust]

My husband left me at the start of my pregnancy. Shortly after that lockdown started and I have been trying my best with my two boys but I’m really struggling lately. I feel so lonely and every day just feels like an endless stretch of hours that I try to fill with activities etc, but I’ve run out of steam. I feel miserable every day. If we were able to go out and meet people properly it wouldn’t be so bad (I’m in wales)I’ve been reaching out to the people closest to me to try and arrange socially distanced visits etc. but some people still want to be cautious, others are busy doing their own thing. I have met up with family on a couple of occasions. I just feel so lonely and sad that it’s really getting on top of me now. I moved to a new area at the start of the year so didn’t have a chance to make friends locally yet. I expressed how I was feeling to my mum and she texted once or twice asking if was feeling better and I told her I wasn’t but she doesn’t really seem to know what to say. I’ve also self referred to the peri natal mental health team for some support but not heard anything. I got the peanut app to try and make some new connections locally. I just don’t know what else to do, I can’t see this getting better any time soon. I lost my job due to Covid and once baby is here I won’t even be able to work anyway. Sorry to be such a misery guts, I really want to snap out of it but nothing seems to work.

I’m very sorry you’re having a tough time OP. It’s a really difficult time all round but you’ve got more than your fair share to deal with. Could you get your mum to come and stay overnight for a couple of days - look after you a little bit and give you someone to have a proper chat to? It’s very hard to reach out and say you’re struggling but don’t be a hero, be really clear with her that you need some support. How pregnant are you? Hopefully by the time your LO arrives, things will have eased and baby groups might be starting to reopen. A good chance to get out and hopefully make some new connections. I know that feeling of having to fill up a long, lonely day with only DC for company - don’t be afraid to stick them in front of the TV whilst you do something for you, even if that’s just a bit or mumsnet and a cup of tea. Hope things get better for you soon.

Hi OP You sound so lonely bless you. I'm glad you have self referred to PNMHT. Have you been in contact with your midwife recently? In my unit we have a team of midwives at up for vulnerable women which covers a very wide range of problems. See if your hospital has such a team and they can see you to give support.

Do you live near your Mum? Could you not go and visit or she visits you socially distancing. Even if you could have a daily chat with your Mum, she must know how lonely you are with only two young children and pregnant. Hopefully when your LD is relaxed you can meet other mums to be and develop new friendships.

Goodluck and please let your midwife know how you are feeling it is so important for you and your baby

Thank you for your kind replies. My mum lives just over an hour away but she is very busy with my brother’s family and helps out a lot with his kids. So I think she feels a bit stretched anyway. I did try to explain how I’m feeling but she’s not massively supportive (although kind). I think it’s just hit me how little support I actually have and that’s quite sad. I feel sorry for my kids too. I’m really hoping that baby groups will start up again but I’m not sure that they will... have to wait and see I suppose. Just not sure how else to build more of a support system. 😟

@J3ssicaJust Hi again. Was just thinking about you and I think if you contacted Gingerbread, which is free to join. It's a support group for single parents. They give you lots of practical support and valuable advice. You can get in touch with other parents online and when possible you can also meet together at local groups.
Please try them and maybe you could find new friends in your area in a similar situation.

I think you should also let your Mum know again how lonely you are feeling so that maybe she could call you more often or at least visit once a week.

Who is going to look after your children when you are in labour? Is their Dad still around to offer you support if not could the grandparents help out?

Good luck with everything see what you think re Gingerbread it could open up so many opportunities for you.