Drink Driving - WWYD?

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Looking for a bit of advice. I had a (socially distanced) garden get together with a few people to celebrate a family occasion. Friend of DH turned up and stayed for a few hours. During those hours he had approx 7-8 beers. He stood up to use the loo and after half an hour hadn’t returned so a friend went to check on him and found both him and his car gone. He then text DH to say he was home. This is not the first time I’ve been made aware of him driving under the influence but it’s always after the fact so I can’t report an ongoing crime. I feel really embarrassed and angry that my family were made aware of a friend behaving like this. WWYD now? Leave it? Stop inviting him to things? Is there a way to stop this behaviour after the fact? I’m so angry and trying not to blame DH for his Friends actions so posting here for thoughts instead.

Take his keys when he arrives? Don't invite him?

Why would you blame dh for his friends actions?

I don’t think it’s fair to blame DH for his friend’s actions, full grown men are responsible for their own actions.

There’s not much you can do now as it’s happened, but you can stop inviting him over if it’s a regular occurrence.

It sounds really odd - didn't he say he was leaving? Whether he drinks and drives is his own business, but he doesn't sound like a very good guest. If he really had 7 beers he must have been visibly drunk? That sounds a lot to drink at someone's house.

I would make it clear to him that he is no longer welcome at my house.

I wouldn't invite him anymore unless he arrives by taxi.

But why on earth would you blame your husband?

Next time he visits refuse to give hkm a drink of he has his vehicle with him. I did this with a cousin at a bbq a few years back, I know most people thought I was the big bad wolf but I refuse to have it on my conscience if he had of gotton into an accident. With him its also never just one beer.

That guys an idiot.

He knew there would be problems if he told you he was driving so he sneaked off.

I think I’d be saying to my husband to have a word with him. Along the lines of:
“mate, you’re going to kill someone one day with your drink driving and be in jail for many years, so I’m going to help you. Next time you come to one of our parties with your car I’m going to take your keys or not give you alcohol. Up to you if that’s a dealbreaker but you’re my mate and you know I’m only telling you because I care. I can get you a taxi home no bother”

It isn't DHs fault. You owe hubby an apology for the blame.

Don't invite him next time.

Offer him a lift over so he only has to sort lift/taxi home. If he brings car only offer soft drinks.

"Would you like a beer?oh sorry I just remembered you are driving. Tea? Coke?"

No need to rely on DH surely? Next time i seen him I would be telling him off.

The guy is a prick but why are you trying not to blame DH? There isn't any question of it being your DH's fault?

Why are you spectacularly missing the fact that he is responsible for his own actions? Why would you blame your DH? Do you think you’re responsible for what your friends do?

Sorry I didn’t write that clearly at all upon re reading! Actions was the wrong word to use, I absolutely don’t blame DH for the drunk driving, more for the spectacularly stupid friend being in our lives in the first place! I’ve actually comforted him over his own anger towards his mate and we’re fine, just trying to plan for future occasions to prevent this from happening. I’m quite tempted to take a pic of his car next time we see him and make it clear I’ll be calling the police next time I know he’s had a drink. The people suggesting not serving him alcohol is a good idea in theory but he brings his own beer which I obviously can’t stop him from drinking

@Elieza

That guys an idiot.

He knew there would be problems if he told you he was driving so he sneaked off.

I think I’d be saying to my husband to have a word with him. Along the lines of:
“mate, you’re going to kill someone one day with your drink driving and be in jail for many years, so I’m going to help you. Next time you come to one of our parties with your car I’m going to take your keys or not give you alcohol. Up to you if that’s a dealbreaker but you’re my mate and you know I’m only telling you because I care. I can get you a taxi home no bother”

That's perfect!!

@SnackSizeRaisin whether he drinks and drives is his own business...

No it is not - he could easily kill or maim someone.

You're not being at all unreasonable OP and honestly, what would I do? I wouldn't invite him again and I'd make it clear why. A family friend was killed years ago by a drunk driver, a few days before his baby girl's first Christmas. It's an absolute deal breaker for me.

Yabvu to blame your husband.
If a friend of yours committed an offence would you accept the blame from your husband?
I'd apologise to him.
In relation to his friend.make it clear next time he drinks in front of you when he has car keys on him that he gives up the keys or you will report him as soon as he leaves.

I’d contact the non emergency police number, and give his reg number. They could put it on records so ANPR can pick it up next time he goes past a police car, and they can approach and test him.

I had a friend who did this. I lectured/begged her etc. She still drove. How is your dh responsible? You are as guilty as he is if that's how you think. Cut him out and be angry at him.

Doesn't need to be an ongoing crime to report. You can contact Crimestoppers (totally anonymous) with his details - name and address - his car make, model, colour, registration (if you know it) and the fact that he habitually drink drives.