Im struggling to know where to draw the line here with dp.
We've been having issues for around 3-4 years now, I wont bore you all but as not to drip feed, there have been close family members deaths on both sides, we've both been through hell with work issues, dp noticeably more than myself. I seem to have pushed my grief down whereas his I believe has come out in a breakdown of some sorts.
He is no longer the man I met and loved. I love him but i'm not in love with him and i'm not sure if I want to be. we share an 8year old son who he is always fighting with. He talks down to him constantly then tells him off for answering back and his attitude problems - I try to tell him he's learning from himself but it doesn't go in.
He left work 4 years ago at the worst of his breakdown, and eventually returned to do a college course in art then went onto uni and has just finished now. When I met him he as an engineer with good prospects. I've spent the past 4 years working paying the bills while he's returned to be an 18 year old student again, staying out 2/3 nights a week (he paid the mortgage so he did make some effort I suppose). He now has a whole different lifestyle where he meditates, does yoga, wears crystals, bores me senseless about politics - I could go on and on.
This is a complete contrast to the fun loving man I met all those years ago, always loved an adventure or a holiday, now he doesnt want to leave the house. In Lockdown we got on better than ever, theres been no arguing, barely any crying but since September we have taken in in turns each night to sleep on the couch. I truly dont know how ive survived to get here because if this was a friend id have told them to get out a long time ago.
Where do I draw the line at being a supportive partner, trying to look after him as he deals with everything going on in his life. If he got a broken leg id support him and help him get better so with his mental illness i'm trying to do the same. But it's at the point it's bringing me down. He has refused from day 1 to take anti depressants and instead blabs about the power of breathing. I've carried on as normal for the sake of ds and done i'd say 90% of the childcare, I know for certain hes not pulling his weight, but I keep living in hope that hell return to being the man I met, even though theres a part of me that knows he's gone for good.
my self esteem is through the floor right now and I just dont know if i'm supposed to be the good girlfriend and support him or walk away and look after myself. We've been together 20 years so not something id take lightly to walk away.