Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would this bother you?

46 replies

overlooker · 04/07/2020 21:15

I’m trying to work out if I ABU or not.

My DH announced proudly the other day that he’d made a “family photo frame” for our kids. Lovely. Lots of effort went into it. There are spaces for about 10 photos in the frame. It’s sizeable and goes on the wall. Except I’m not in it. 10 family photos of him and the kids and a few nice shots just of the kids. Some are photos I’ve taken and sent to him over the years. It took me a few minutes to click what was bothering me about it. When I realised I said
“DH I’m not in any of the photos”
He clearly bristled and retorted “well there’s nothing stopping you making your own frame”
?!
It turned into a row as he felt I was putting him down and I should have been happy for him making the effort.
He did eventually replace one of the photos with a photo of me and the kids. It just feels a bit flat though.
I’d like honest opinions. Would you find it funny and just rip the piss with no offence taken or would you be upset at being left out?

OP posts:

ACNH · 04/07/2020 22:12

Sounds like something my ex would have done he used to buy the kids Xmas presents from him (when we were together) all the other presents ie the ones I bought were from Santa.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 04/07/2020 22:15

Buy yourself a dart board op. Replace every number with a photo.
Of him...

wifflewafflebiscuit · 04/07/2020 22:19

I'd be very hurt

GhostCurry · 04/07/2020 22:22

“ It would annoy me for a short time, but then like a pp, I'd quickly realise it's because I take all the photos and he rarely does.”

... which is just as shit.

wifflewafflebiscuit · 04/07/2020 22:23

Yes, I'd be very hurt

NotIncandescentWithRage · 04/07/2020 22:23

@PinkiOcelot

I wouldn’t be bothered, but only because I think I look shit in photos.

Yep this!

AskforJanice · 04/07/2020 22:26

This would really upset me. Both the fact that he excluded you in the first place but also his response when you pulled him up on it.

SpilltheTea · 04/07/2020 22:27

That is so horrible and hurtful. How could he be that thoughtless?

MaryRaddy · 04/07/2020 22:54

Totally thoughtless in every way. In fact, that's the worst part I think. He's given it lots of thought, but none of those thoughts about you. It didn't occur to him at ANY POINT to out you in too. Having to ask to be cared about defeats the purpose doesn't it. sounds just like my 'd' p

Nackajory · 04/07/2020 23:01

I think this speaks volumes about how he feels about you. You're invisible. Very sad. I hope you're ok OP, and I hope he comes round to understanding you're feelings about this.

Ingridla · 05/07/2020 00:02

He's sounds a right cunt, I'd be devastated tbh.

MrsEricBana · 05/07/2020 00:08

Yes I'd be very upset too. There are very few photos of me and my kids together because dh simply doesn't take any. I'm hurt that it rarely occurs to him to take a pic of me.

TeamLannister · 05/07/2020 00:19

I'd be upset too. And it would also put me off DH if he did it and reacted like that. Is it typical behaviour from him?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/07/2020 00:22

I'd be hurt, and I'd be worried about how your role is viewed in the family. Hearing this I would bet you aren't appreciated.

Carouselfish · 05/07/2020 01:11

My do sends our DD those Moonpig type cards. It's 99% photos of him and her and maybe I'll get a vague one of me with them in there at the bottom. It does vaguely annoy me but then it's his card to her. And he is the photo mad one. Constantly taking selfies. In your case op, it's a permanent fixture, not just a card and very thoughtless. His reaction is worse. How do you move on from here? Can you force him to explain why he did it, or understand why it hurt you? Probably not. Leave the photo frame angle and examine how he is with you in general?

Rose789 · 05/07/2020 01:13

I would be so hurt. I’m sorry op that sucks.

minimummum · 05/07/2020 01:20

I would be upset by this and it would change how I viewed him.

londonscalling · 05/07/2020 01:54

Assuming you cook at times, why don't you just cook for you and the kids and when he complains say "well there’s nothing stopping you making your own meals"

Pixxie7 · 05/07/2020 02:00

I can see why your upset, but hate having my photo taken, let alone anyone seeing it, so would be quite happy.

Original poster

overlooker · 05/07/2020 02:11

I tried all ways to explain how I felt and it was just met with annoyance that I was causing a scene. This is pretty typical, anytime I try and describe my feelings, they are dismissed. I feel very unappreciated and ignored to be honest. He once organised to go out for a drink with a friend on our wedding anniversary. Then got annoyed when I said how upsetting that was.

OP posts:

iffymiffy · 05/07/2020 06:23

Well, it’s his response that really sucks - and your latest post makes it clear he’s a bit of a twat. Sorry OP.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread